New Member with Questions & Worries

[Wolfstall]

Hi,

This is probably gonna be the most awkward and weirdly written thing you will see. So I am new to this website and being an Asexual, as of a week ago, I wasn't aware there was even such a thing.

I first discover Asexual through a friend who came out as Pansexual on Instagram. Like any curious shelter as a child person, I googled it and was reading through different sexualities. I stumbled across Asexual, which I had never heard before,  and start to researching it and what made someone Asexual. The surprise I got when most (if not all) the things that made some Asexual were exactly how I felt and match almost perfectly. Of course I did more research and came across Heteroromantic Asexual which matched me perfectly.

 

Now I come from a Christian Family that don't hate LGBT+, they just don't agree with it. (Disclaimer: Please don't get trigger, this WAS a personal opinion and most of it form due to family influence.) Before I discover I was Asexual, I believed that it was a choice and I was fine with it and accept that is just who they are, as long as they try to convince me to be lesbian or bi (as that is not who I am). I never had the experience that somethings are just a part of you and you can't change it.

 

Then everything clicked when I discovered I was Heteroromantic Asexual, like how I wasn't physically attracted to anyone ever in my whole life and I have to deeply know the person before I have any romantic feelings towards that person. I always believed growing up that, "oh, once I am a teenager I will be attracted to someone physically", as a teenager, "Oh, I am just a late bloomer, it will hit me half way through high school" and it never happened. I just thought something was wrong with me or I haven't met the 'one' yet, but clearly that has now changed. My only worry now is that I have identify as the right sexuality. So here are all my questions and worries. Sorry for the long backstory and rant, sorry in advance for all the questions and worries.

 

~Questions~

1. As Asexual, do you still want to date and get married one day? I do want to get married one day, but I don't want to sexual side unless it is to have children. 

2. I am attracted (only if I know them really well) to men, but not women, I did identify as the right sexuality?

Heads up with this question, questions 3 does get into the no-no side for those age 18 and under. It is just the mention of certain aspects, so read at your own risk.

3. Do you still have certain turn on (dirty talking, cosplaying, rough, etc) that look somewhat pleasing and if you ever had to get into it, you could get into that only if your partner did those things, is this normal as Asexual? 

You are free to continue.

4. What are Christians views/feel on Asexuality? 

5. How do 'normal' people view/feel Asexuality?

6. How does the LGBT+ community view/feel about Asexuality?

 

~Worries~

1. I see a lot of websites and videos that Asexuality is not really accept that well in the LGBT+ community and being Heteroromantic Asexual is basically straight people trying to become part of the LGBT+ community. How straight people view us as not part of them and how we are misfits in both worlds. Is this true and normal?

2. For those of you with the your own personal experience, how badly are we discriminated against for not wanting the sexual side of a relationship?

2. I am liberal Christian and have a relax (still against LGBT+) Christian family. My family and I used to go to a Medinite christian church that was not strict, but all lady's had to wear skirts, dresses and only older members that have been for a while could wear dressy pants. I don't wish to have a bad reaction from my family when I decide to-I believe the term is- come out. Do you believe that they might accept it?

3. I have a boyfriend who is Lutheran christian, he has been accepting of all my weirdness and stuff like that. How is a good way to tell your partner? You know instead of "Hey, I'm Asexual and I don't ever wish to have sex, but you are cool with that right?".

 

 

If you could not tell, my biggest worry if not being accepted by the people I love and care about. I am a huge people person and want to be accepted by everyone so this is a major issue with my fears and worries. 

 

Thank you for taking the time to read all of that. I would love any help, advice or anything at all to learn more about this part of me. 😊

 

Extra Question (kinda shy to ask this but here we go): Is there anyone out there willing to be a -sort of/to say- mentor and help guide me through learning and being Asexual and will answer any side questions I think of in the moment no matter how stupid and idiotic they might be? If so, I greatly appreciate it. 😄

[Grimalkin]

All right, let's tackle this. I am also heteromantic asexual and from a Christian family (I am still Christian, though now more left-leaning), for context. 

 

1. As Asexual, do you still want to date and get married one day? I do want to get married one day, but I don't want to sexual side unless it is to have children. 

I still would love to get married someday, although I find that it becomes a lot harder to find someone compatible with me when I factor in my sexuality. I'm keeping open to the idea of finding someone, but I'm also planning my life out in case I never do, so that I can live on my own. 

 

The idea of being alone can be scary, and Christians especially put a lot of emphasis on getting married eventually, so until now I had left my late twenties/early thirties open with no career in mind because I figured I would get married and stay at home. I've had to shake myself out of that mentality. 

 

2. I am attracted (only if I know them really well) to men, but not women, I did identify as the right sexuality?

Asexual people can be attracted to anybody in a lot of different ways; the unifying feature is that none of it is sexual. You can be romantically drawn to men, women, or anyone in between, you just don't desire sex with them. If that sounds like you, then you probably identified right. 

 

There's no harm in identifying as asexual and changing that if you ever do experience sexual attraction, too. You're not stuck with it forever just because you tried it on once. 

 

3. Do you still have certain turn on (dirty talking, cosplaying, rough, etc) that look somewhat pleasing and if you ever had to get into it, you could get into that only if your partner did those things, is this normal as Asexual? 

Asexual people often still have kinks and fetishes and turn-ons just like regular people. For what it's worth, I have had sex, and I have found that those things barely if at all translate to real life. What I might have been turned on by in theory does not happen with another person. Maybe under the exact right circumstances... but not consistently enough for it to substitute for a regular sex life. 

 

4. What are Christians views/feel on Asexuality? 

Okay, so this is tricky. Christians have a lot of views, and historically, they have argued about those views quite a lot. So it's not easy to say "Christians believe X." But here's what I've noticed. 

 

Christians don't tend to be "against" asexuality in the same way that they're against other sexualities, usually because (like plenty of sexual people) they do not believe it's real. Like a lot of people, they'll tell you that you'll get over it. But, like other sexualities, the problems start rolling in once you don't. "Why aren't you getting married? Why don't you have kids yet?" etc. 

 

From a Biblical standpoint, it depends on how traditional you're getting. If you are traditional Catholic or Mormon or any other religion that puts massive emphasis on getting married and having children, they will find a way to spin NOT doing something into a sin. (I read a ridiculous blog saying that unless you had been specifically "called" to be celibate (become a nun or monk), then it was sinful to be celibate as a regular person. So dumb.)

 

5. How do 'normal' people view/feel Asexuality?

Pretty similar to the above. A lot of people, even very otherwise accepting people, won't believe you. They can't fathom not having such an integral part of themselves as their sexuality. We live in a sexual society, and we did get here through sex, after all. But it's still frustrating. 

 

6. How does the LGBT+ community view/feel about Asexuality?

It can be split. A lot of people are open to it, some people definitely aren't. The people who aren't usually believe it's a thing, but that it doesn't warrant inclusion into the community because asexual people haven't suffered persecution in the same way they have. Key word being "same" way: Asexual people have their own troubles they have to face in life. 

 

I think the LGBT+ community is also getting better about this; asexuality is a pretty new thing to be talked about openly, and people are still learning. My hope is that it's open and welcoming to ace people, even though I'm not particularly drawn to the community. 

 

Worries: 

 

1. I see a lot of websites and videos that Asexuality is not really accept that well in the LGBT+ community and being Heteroromantic Asexual is basically straight people trying to become part of the LGBT+ community. How straight people view us as not part of them and how we are misfits in both worlds. Is this true and normal?

About sums it up, yeah. 

 

But I'm painting with a broad brush. A lot of the community advocates for asexual people. It's more down to the individual level, and kind of a toss-up whether your local LGBT+ meetup group will be ace inclusive. 

 

But... I've personally never found any reason to be a part of the LGBT+ community at all. It's never been "for me." I do tend to feel like a fish out of water there, and that often comes from my own hangups, not theirs. 

 

2. For those of you with the your own personal experience, how badly are we discriminated against for not wanting the sexual side of a relationship?

I wouldn't call it "discrimination." Sexual compatibility, whether that means lots of sex or no sex at all, is very important in a relationship. I would never fault somebody for not wanting a relationship with me because they want ample amounts of sex; in the long run, we would both be unhappy. 

 

A lot of ace people (and a lot of Christians) have a tough time getting past the idea that sex is inherently "bad" somehow. Christians because they've been taught it, ace people because of years of feeling left out. But sex is just sex. It's important for some and not for others. 

 

But sadly, yes, it will be a lot harder to date as an asexual person. A LOT harder, especially when young and most peoples' libidos are through the roof. 

 

2. I am liberal Christian and have a relax (still against LGBT+) Christian family. My family and I used to go to a Medinite christian church that was not strict, but all lady's had to wear skirts, dresses and only older members that have been for a while could wear dressy pants. I don't wish to have a bad reaction from my family when I decide to-I believe the term is- come out. Do you believe that they might accept it?

The more I come to terms with my sexuality, the more I feel like I don't have to come out at all, and here's why: Asexual heteromanticism feels like it's more about my sex life than about who I love. 

 

I'm not bringing home a girl to meet my parents. I'm either bringing home nobody, or... I'm bringing home a guy, but essentially shouting to my parents "WE DON'T HAVE SEX." And that's dipping into my poor partner's privacy. 

 

This is compounded by the fact that if I say I'm asexual and they think that means I won't date, and then I start dating, some of my less informed family or more dense members might say "But I thought you were asexual!" and I would have to be like "I am! Asexual just means that I'm not sexually attracted to him!" Cringe. 

 

Of course, sometimes it's worth it to come out to one or two people if they're the kinds of people who won't shut up about you getting married. Ultimately, it's up to you. All I would say for certain is, make sure you are financially independent from everyone before you do this, on the off chance they get really mad. 

 

3. I have a boyfriend who is Lutheran christian, he has been accepting of all my weirdness and stuff like that. How is a good way to tell your partner? You know instead of "Hey, I'm Asexual and I don't ever wish to have sex, but you are cool with that right?".

Yeaah... basically like that. Okay, not really, but you need to get it out of the way as soon as possible. If you ever break up and start dating someone else, telling them you're asexual (and what that means, and what that would look like in a practical relationship sense) should be done ASAP so that if they go "that's not for me" you can split before there's no feelings. 

 

Here you're already invested, but the process is more or less the same. You have to bite the bullet and tell him you're asexual, what that means (because he probably won't have read all the stuff about it you have), and what that means for your relationship ("I'm comfortable with X, but not with Y.") And then you give him time to think about whether he'll be okay with it. He might not be, and that'll be rough, but it's necessary to find out. Better to know now than 15 years into an unhappy marriage. 

 

You can always write him a letter to read if you feel like you can't adequately get it all out. That way he has time to mull it over rather than being put on the spot. 

 

 

All in all, none of it is easy. You just figure out what works for you. 

[CajunAce]

I grew up in a sheltered christian environment too, though my mom isn't as open minded. Now for your questions:

 

1. I personally still want to date, get married, and maybe adopt children. But this varies from person to person in the ace spectrum.

2. you can still be romantically attracted to people even if there's no sexual attraction with it. I like both men and women, but I don't want to have sex. I've had crushes on people where I dreamed of doing all sorts of romantic/relationship stuff with them- just without sex.

3. This again varies from person to person on the ace spectrum. I personally don't get "turned on" by anything, but there are types of foreplay/ kinks that I'm interested in trying with my partner if they're interested.

4. I don't see much against asexuality in the Bible, though some might stress the point that christians are supposed to raise children in the teachings of God. I think that it doesn't necessarily have to be only children that we have personally birthed that fits this criteria. There's a thread called "Christian Asexuals?" under Intersectionality on Aven.

5. most of the cis hetero people i've met didn't even know what asexuality is. Some believe it, some don't. I don't really tell people my orientation unless the subject comes up. To me, it's no one's business whether or not I have sex.

6. All the lgbt+ people I've met have been very supportive. I'm a part of my college's lgbt+ community. There's actually multiple aces in it! There will always be gatekeepers, but just ignore them. You have as much right to be here as anyone else.

 

And you're worries:

 

1. Like I said, there will always be gatekeepers. But that doesn't mean that you'll always be ostracized. Find people who care about you for who you are and stick with them.

2, I've never dated, so I don't have much clue about this. I worry that people will turn me down just because I'm not interested in sex, but I have seen posts on here about relationships that have found a happy middle. There are people out there who will respect your choices, but you must also respect theirs.

2b. I don't see any reason why they would be against you, but they'll probably have questions. Only "come out" if you feel comfortable about it. Your sexuality is for you, not for other's to know/ judge about.

3. again, I've never dated. Maybe start a conversation about asexuality and continue based on his reaction. Either way, there will be a lot of discussion and probably compromise.

 

Everyone fears rejection, so your worry is justified. Feel free to PM me anytime! I'm on AVEN pretty regularly. 

[Wolfstall]

@Grimalkin Thank you so much for taking the time to answer all of my questions and worries. This is going to help me a lot! 😌😄

[That Ginger Kid]

I’m glad you’ve found a label that fits with you. Your experience with finding asexuality sounds a bit like my own. I worked with a girl who was trans, and I didn’t know much on it so I began to research; along the way I found the term ‘asexual’ and have stuck with it since. There’s no one way that asexual people exist, so your experience will be totally your own. There will be many who share similar feelings or experiences, but it’s like saying all gay men have the same experience, etc. 

There isn’t really too much discrimination against asexuals since it’s one of those things that’s easier to hide. And in your case, being heteroromantic, it’s even easier to hide than someone who is, say, homoromantic. About the worst the average asexual faces is rudeness from family, friends, or partners. 

Coming out to people is always hard. It’s sometimes difficult to know if people will be accepting, even those you know deeply. Many LGBT+ people come out to their families thinking everything will be ok and then get disowned. It’s a tragic thing, but it does happen. But with this, there shouldn’t be too much of an issue. A lot of branches of Christianity preach abstinence, and by your sexuality entailing that, your family should hopefully be accepting. So far as your boyfriend goes, just talk to him. Tell him you don’t think you ever want sex, and why. It’s best to be straightforward with stuff like this so there are no miscommunications and you can better avoid fighting. In general it’s no one’s business what your identity is, but that’s definitely something you should share with your partner. 

 

So far as your questions go:

I would love to be married some day, but I’m in no rush. I don’t want biological children, and I’m fairly certain my body couldn’t even handle childbirth, but I definitely want to adopt. 

If you’re only romantically attracted to men, then heteroromantic asexual would be the correct term. However, sometimes people change as they grow and learn, and if you happen to find out that that label is not 100% accurate in the future, don’t feel bad about it. I went from heteroromantic asexual to panromantic asexual in the past few years as I undid my childhood Catholic teachings of “gay is bad.”

For me, there’s not really any one thing that would be a turn-on. Any feelings like that are almost a burden for me. It’s just something you have to deal with and then move on. But there are plenty of asexual people who do still feel sexual feelings, in the right circumstances. Think of it like this: your body is set up, in part, to reproduce, so things having to do with that will still turn most people on. The difference is in attraction. You can still have sex and think it feels good without being attracted to the person you’re having sex with. But the feelings themselves are meant to be there to encourage people to reproduce and continue the species (all life forms as we know them have this same drive). But again, all people are different in this regard. 

In general, most Christians seem to be ok with asexuals so long as they’re still going into hetero relationships. It really depends on the sect, though. Some types of Christians think anything that isn’t heterosexual is bad (like the Catholicism I was raised on), and some are totally ok with whatever so long as you follow the Bible’s teachings. The average person probably doesn’t know or care about asexuality, unless it’s in regards to someone they’re dating; but in general I’ve never run into any issues from people. And the LGBT community is split on this, too. Some people like and accept asexuals (the inclusionists, as they’re called), and some people think we’re heterosexuals trying to infiltrate the LGBT community (called exclusionists). As a rule of thumb, exclusionists aren’t really worth your time. 

 

For your concerns:

There will always be people who think some part of LGBT doesn’t belong. You know what you are, and that’s what matters. If you truly are asexual, then you belong. But you can also choose not to ID as LGBT, as I have known some people to do. But yeah, there are jerks out there who say we don’t belong. But they’re just as bigoted as people who, say, don’t think trans peoples’ identities are valid. But then again, we don’t really fit in with whatever group our romantic interests align with either. It’s a weird situation, but the best advice I can give you here is to choose wisely who you tell, and build a friend group around people who accept you and you can trust. 

For me, I’ve never really experienced much discrimination. My mom put me in therapy as a 15-ish year old because of it, and I’ve had various partners try to push me into things. People don’t like what they don’t understand. If the person you’re dating thinks you’re just playing hard to get or something, they may disregard you saying no thinking it’s a game, that you’re shy, etc. That’s what my issue was, and why I encourage you to be open with anyone you date. Once I told my last boyfriend, he tried to comply with it, but it’s also fairly difficult for asexual and sexual people to date, because sex is such a major thing for most people. As for how strangers will treat you, there’s a good chance they’d never even know, especially considering you’re heteroromantic. 

 

Overall, I’m sure things will be fine for you. And if not, there’s nothing wrong with starting new, maybe moving someplace else and finding yourself there. It’s going to be a bit of a bumpy road at times, but the longer you learn about yourself and what you want and need out of life, the happier you’ll be

[Wolfstall]

@CajunAce Thank you so much for answering my questions and worries the best you could based on experience, I really appreciate it! 😊

-

@That Ginger Kid  Thank you very much for answering my questions and worries, and all the advice and information too! I will definitely put it to good use! Definitely in for a bumpy road ahead, but if it means being more happy and confident with myself, then I am ready for it. 😃

[Galactic Turtle]

27 minutes ago, Wolfstall said:

1. As Asexual, do you still want to date and get married one day? I do want to get married one day, but I don't want to sexual side unless it is to have children.

I have no interest in dating or getting married. Of course if I stumble upon someone I like in that manner, I'll do whatever I feel inspired to do.

 

27 minutes ago, Wolfstall said:

2. I am attracted (only if I know them really well) to men, but not women, I did identify as the right sexuality?

Asexual people can still experience what is most commonly called "romantic attraction." Basically it's whoever you feel attracted to in a way that isn't platonic in nature. Corresponding words for this are things like homoromantic, biromantic, heteroromantic, etc.

 

34 minutes ago, Wolfstall said:

3. Do you still have certain turn on (dirty talking, cosplaying, rough, etc) that look somewhat pleasing and if you ever had to get into it, you could get into that only if your partner did those things, is this normal as Asexual? 

In fiction I can see how certain things are tantalizing not because of the thing itself but because of how the characters involved feel about it. If I'm able to follow a charter's thoughts, their happiness is my happiness. It's just that I have no interest in having a partner in general, much less a partner who would want to perform erotic activities with or in front of me. 

 

37 minutes ago, Wolfstall said:

4. What are Christians views/feel on Asexuality? 

I think most actual Christians would consider lack of sexual arousal or feelings as a blessing. Note that lack of sexual arousal or feelings is non synonymous with asexuality. Most casual Christians would probably assume you have a hormonal problem or are traumatized in some way.

 

38 minutes ago, Wolfstall said:

5. How do 'normal' people view/feel Asexuality?

Many have a hard time comprehending that it can exist. Many others simply don't care. Some others have such a hard time comprehending it can't exist that they make up other things it could be instead such as a hormonal or mental development problem.

 

39 minutes ago, Wolfstall said:

6. How does the LGBT+ community view/feel about Asexuality?

Same way as the rest of the population except if they involve themselves in LGBT+ spaces it's more likely they would've heard about asexuality prior to actually running into anyone who identifies as asexual.

 

40 minutes ago, Wolfstall said:

1. I see a lot of websites and videos that Asexuality is not really accept that well in the LGBT+ community and being Heteroromantic Asexual is basically straight people trying to become part of the LGBT+ community. How straight people view us as not part of them and how we are misfits in both worlds. Is this true and normal?

I mean straight aces are "straight" just like gay aces are "gay." I don't get involved in LGBT+ spaces because I'm both aromantic and asexual. I'm just not attracted to people so I really have nothing to say to those who are attracted to the same sex just like I have nothing to say to those who are attracted to the opposite sex. Similarly, I can see why asexuality won't always be the topic of conversation at any given LGBT event. I can see why at any given LGBT event you might get crickets in response to a "straight" person talking about how their boyfriend broke up with them because they aren't into sex when odds are most people listening would also break up with their partners if they weren't into sex. I'm unsure why people want to be called queer so badly in the first place and in general think this hyper-fixation on an acronym is ridiculous. So you're asexual? Be prepared for most people to not get your reality especially since amongst asexual people no one can agree on what it actually means or why it matters. 

 

1 hour ago, Wolfstall said:

2. For those of you with the your own personal experience, how badly are we discriminated against for not wanting the sexual side of a relationship?

I don't want any side of a relationship and yes, people think it's weird but it's not discriminatory. I concern myself more with the legal benefits given to those who are married. But that is something tied specifically to those who do not wish to marry, not those who are asexual. If you just don't want to have sex then yes, people will try to change you just like people will try to change you if you're into anything that's weird or considered not cool or normal. Yes, you might even get sent to therapy because some people consider not wanting to be with anyone romantically or sexually as being indicative of a mental problem and they want to make sure you're not about to snap and go on a murder spree.

 

1 hour ago, Wolfstall said:

2. I am liberal Christian and have a relax (still against LGBT+) Christian family. My family and I used to go to a Medinite christian church that was not strict, but all lady's had to wear skirts, dresses and only older members that have been for a while could wear dressy pants. I don't wish to have a bad reaction from my family when I decide to-I believe the term is- come out. Do you believe that they might accept it?

I think giving it a name makes it more daunting. I've been saying I'm not interested in sex since I discovered what sex was but the alarms only went off in my family when I started calling it being asexual. Since you're still attracted to the opposite sex, there really is no reason to disclose your bedroom activities to your parents if you don't want to.

 

1 hour ago, Wolfstall said:

3. I have a boyfriend who is Lutheran christian, he has been accepting of all my weirdness and stuff like that. How is a good way to tell your partner? You know instead of "Hey, I'm Asexual and I don't ever wish to have sex, but you are cool with that right?".

If your partner is cool with not having sex then that's fine. He might not be cool with it though. Won't know unless you communicate.

[Wolfstall]

@Galactic Turtle Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions and worries! I will definitely use some of your advice and information to help better understand this part of me!

[LeChat]

Hi. I just thought I'd mention that AVEN has a very popular and active Christian Asexuals thread, if you're interested in checking it out, where asexuals who were raised in Christian households discuss their experiences, whether they decided to come out to their family or not, etc.

[mexicanpotato]

2 hours ago, Wolfstall said:

1. As Asexual, do you still want to date and get married one day? I do want to get married one day, but I don't want to sexual side unless it is to have children. 

2. I am attracted (only if I know them really well) to men, but not women, I did identify as the right sexuality?

4. What are Christians views/feel on Asexuality? 

5. How do 'normal' people view/feel Asexuality?

6. How does the LGBT+ community view/feel about Asexuality?

 

~Worries~

1. I see a lot of websites and videos that Asexuality is not really accept that well in the LGBT+ community and being Heteroromantic Asexual is basically straight people trying to become part of the LGBT+ community. How straight people view us as not part of them and how we are misfits in both worlds. Is this true and normal?

2. For those of you with the your own personal experience, how badly are we discriminated against for not wanting the sexual side of a relationship?

2. I am liberal Christian and have a relax (still against LGBT+) Christian family. My family and I used to go to a Medinite christian church that was not strict, but all lady's had to wear skirts, dresses and only older members that have been for a while could wear dressy pants. I don't wish to have a bad reaction from my family when I decide to-I believe the term is- come out. Do you believe that they might accept it?

3. I have a boyfriend who is Lutheran christian, he has been accepting of all my weirdness and stuff like that. How is a good way to tell your partner? You know instead of "Hey, I'm Asexual and I don't ever wish to have sex, but you are cool with that right?".

1. I don't want to get married or have children but that's just me.

2. Yes, you're heteroromantic asexual according to what you wrote but there's no problem if that changes.

4. I really don't know.

5. Sadly many don't know about it or take it as a joke, but slowly more people are knowing about it and accepting is a real orientation.

6. Depends, most of them accept us as part of the community but there are some acephobes also.

 

Worries

1. Well, many think that but in reality just because you're asexual you're not straight since that means being heterosexual and heteroromantic and you're just heteroromantic.

I really dont know how to help you with 2 and 3 but try to be straight forward when talking about it.

 

Welcome to AVEN

[Lichley]

Welcome! 

1. Marriage is a nice concept, but I think I’d personally prefer a civil partnership as it’s cheaper and without all the fuss and big event planning.

2. Romantic attraction isn’t sexual attraction. For a basic explanation check out this : https://www.deviantart.com/secondlina/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729

4. Mixed. Depends on how the individual feels.

5. Again mixed. Some support it, some pretend it doesn’t exist, others are a bit rude. 

6. Fairly mixed but a bit more positive. There’s always that one person who kicks up a fuss, but there’s also anti- trans / bi / pan cultures in certain places too.

~Worries~

1. Some places tend to gather a lot of gatekeepers, the chances of a gatekeeper increase with size, but I’ve seen a fair few ace-positive blogs who bash on the haters. 

2. Mainly peer pressure and partner pressure to have sex. Also a chance to be called names if someone’s being a douche canoe. 

And I have no real experience with how religious families act so 🤗

 

[AllieCat]

Hi @Wolfstall

 

I'm pretty new around here too. A lot in your story resonates with me - I thought I just hadn't found the "right" person yet, and then I sort of stumbled across asexuality and thought - wow that really fits me! 

 

My biggest struggle with the whole Ace thing is - how to tell my family (do I tell my family?) and how to tell my boyfriend too. I'm not Christian so I can't really help with all that side of stuff though. 

 

I won't answer all of your questions, since they've been answered a whole bunch of times already. But I noticed your extra question, and while I can't really mentor since I'm pretty new here too, I would like to be a friend and happily answer any questions I can, or just be a supportive person who can listen. I was sort of looking for a person for me too, so maybe we can help each other out  Feel free to send me a PM.