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Newbie Learning to Accept my Asexuality


dragonfire42

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dragonfire42

Hello, I'm dragonfire. I've known I'm an aromantic asexual ever since I knew there was a term for it - I've never felt any kind of romantic or sexual attraction toward anyone, or any desire for anything more than a snuggle. I don't feel strongly like one gender or the other, I may possibly be agender, but I use feminine pronouns because that's what I've grown up with and it doesn't bother me. 

 

I used to be perfectly fine with being an aromantic asexual, but recently I have a friend who has developed romantic feelings toward me, and that's made me think about things a lot. I will note first off that I know this isn't true of myself or anyone else who is an aromantic asexual, please don't think I think this about you or anyone else (and I know it's irrational to think it about myself but not anyone else, I just can't seem to get it out of my head), but I feel like I'm broken or damaged in some way, like the part of me that would have romantic or sexual feelings is defective or missing entirely. Not only do I feel like I'm missing out on that whole experience, I also worry that there is someone who is "meant" for me (and vice versa, be it my friend or someone else) and I'm denying them what they need to truly be happy, or something like that. 

 

I should probably mention the fact that I'm on the autism spectrum. I have a service dog named Merlin, he helps me stay calm in public places that are loud and/or crowded. If I say anything that comes across as rude, insensitive, inappropriate, or anything like that, please let me know - I probably didn't mean it like that and would like to be aware of it so I can avoid making the same mistake in the future. I also have a tendency to fixate on certain topics, so I apologize if I'm rambling or repetitive at times. Again, let me know and I'll stop. Autism makes socializing harder for me, but it doesn't mean I can't learn, and so it shouldn't be an excuse to be obnoxious or a jerk. 

 

I'm presently looking at making the transition from living with my parents to living on my own, and that's a big part of my life right now. I'm hoping to get either a place of my own or a job sometime this year, at least. Currently I'm working on self-care and care for my dog, because I tend to fall behind on the non-essential things like showering and brushing Merlin. 

 

My interests include animals (particularly reptiles and insects) and almost everything supernatural/paranormal. I seriously, legitimately believe I have the soul of a dragon and like to speak as if I have the body to match. My main interests right now are Pokemon, Bioshock, and SCP Foundation. 

 

Wow, that was long! Thank you for reading it, and I hope I will become a worthwhile member of this community.

 

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I'm not sure whether you're beating yourself up over not being able to reciprocate your friend's feelings, but it kinda sounds like you are, and it's worth pointing out that nobody is ever owed reciprocation.  Even if you weren't aromantic, that's certainly no guarantee that you would be able to.  Being romantic doesn't mean that we have to like everyone who likes us.  Being aromantic or not is not the issue here.

 

If you don't want to be with someone, they're not "meant" for you and you're not "meant" for them; simple as that.

 

People don't all have the same priorities and interests, and that's a good thing.  Keeps us diverse and slightly more interesting.

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dragonfire42

Logically I know that romantic attraction isn't always reciprocated even among people who are romantically inclined, but I still feel kind of like it's my fault, like if I was romantic maybe I would share his feelings and all would be well, instead of the shaky friendship we have now. I guess what I need to do is to keep countering these more emotional thoughts with those more realistic and rational ones, and eventually it will sink in. 

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That's pretty unlikely, especially if you describe your friendship as "shaky".

 

You also can't be faulted for not being interested in something; that's not something you have any control over, it's just the way you're wired.

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Welcome! Ooh SCP! I love how complex the stories are but it’s sooo hard to get into because there’s just so much info to go through. Have you heard of Lobotomy Corpoation? It’s a game in a similar style to SCP about managing s site, you might like it :) 

Also what’s your favourite pokemon? :D 

Finished-Charmander-Cake.jpg

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dragonfire42
1 hour ago, Lichley said:

Welcome! Ooh SCP! I love how complex the stories are but it’s sooo hard to get into because there’s just so much info to go through. Have you heard of Lobotomy Corpoation? It’s a game in a similar style to SCP about managing s site, you might like it :) 

Also what’s your favourite pokemon? :D 

Finished-Charmander-Cake.jpg

I haven't heard of Lobotomy Corporation, I'll look into it. My favorite Pokemon is Salamence, favorite Gen 1 is Charizard. 

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NickyTannock

@dragonfire42 Welcome to AVEN!

 

I have ASD, so I know what you mean, I also have a fear of being rude accidentally.

I wish you luck with the transition to living on your own.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's a "Fire-Breathing Dragon" cake (All edible except the fire),

https://cakesdecor.com/cakes/31062-fire-breathing-dragon

ouxsz3apisq9mfk0zrzz.jpg

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