Evieee Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Hi I would like to say some things about me because i feel that i really need your help in order to understand myself. The first time i had sex was at the age of 16 with a guy we were on a relationship at the time and i must say i didn't like it at all. Every time he wanted to have sex with me i tried to find an excuse to avoid it. He was very gentle and handsome but i didn't want sex at all. After we broke up i was alone for about 5 years and the truth is i didn't want to start a relationship with someone. I felt lonely but there was no one i was interested or i felt attraction to. So when i was 22 years old i met a man via my best friend and under my friend's pressure, i started a relationship with him. I was with him for about 6 years and i never felt in love. We had sex of course, but still i didn't like it. After all these years i think that it was something i had to do, both sex and romantic relationship, just for not being a weirdo in my friends and family eyes. So, 7 years ago, after i had broken up with him, i met a girl with whom we became very good friends. We used to talk all day long and I think for the first time in my life i felt really in love with her. I felt i wanted to hug her and kiss her, and spend all of my free time with her. She was on an relationship at the time with a guy, so it was ok for me just to hung out with her. A lot of things have happened since then but the point is, it didn't end well. We never have had a romantic relationship and our friendship ended badly. I was devastated but i managed to get over it after 2 very long years. Then i met another straight girl i fell in love with and after 6 months i told her how i felt. I kissed her and we ended up together for about 4 years. Now we are apart. The problem is that even though i felt in love with her and i liked kissing her and hugged her very much, even sexually touched her, i didn' t like at all to get touched by her. I just want her to kiss me and hug me and i don' t really understand that. The point is i seldom feel attraction to anyone, either woman or men, and the two only times i fell really in love was with women and there is only one time i can thing i really liked a guy. And mostly his personality and how funny he was, even though he was handsome to, and the fact that he wasn't like other guys at all. I believe that in order to feel something for anyone i have to know him/her at first. I haven't had sex with a man for almost 7 years now and i don t miss it at all. In fact i could live without sex. And when i was with the girl i mentioned i didn't want her to touch me sexually, even though i wanted her very much and loved her. Sorry for the long post and for my English, but it is not my native language. If there is anyone here who could help me to understand myself i would appreciate it very much. Great new year to all of you! Link to post Share on other sites
elizabeth17 Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Hi! first of all you're super valid! I'm going to throw out some terms that you could research and may apply to you but at the end of the day only you can choose to label or not label yourself. Ok so in the ace community we find it helpful to split up sexual and romantic attraction. Sexual attraction is when you want to have sex with a person. Romantic attraction is more like wanting to be close to a person. It could take the form of wanting to cuddle, hug, or kiss a person. From what you're describing it sounds like you might be asexual (you don't feel sexual attraction) and possibly demi-panromantic or demi-biromantic (let me define those real quick lol). So demiromanticism is needing to have a bond of some sort with a person first before you feel any romantic feelings for that person as opposed to non-demiromantic or alloromantic which means you can have romantic feelings for someone without needing that bond established first. panromantic means you feel romantic attraction to people of all genders, and biromantic usually means you are romantically attracted to men and women (a lot of people use bi as an umbrella term for attraction for multiple genders). So, demipanromantic means you feel romantic attraction towards a person of any gender after establishing a close bond of some kind. I hope these terms can get you started researching this stuff more in depth! I personally identify as asexual and demipanromantic (yep it's a mouth full lol) so if you want to talk feel free to message me! p.s. your English is great! Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 I think it's great that you've had a good bunch of experiences and come closer to discover yourself. Being years with a girl you loved must've been nice. Anyway, here are the two terms I think might be useful for you: Hetero demiromantic -> need to get to know and like a guy to feel closer and more romantically attracted Homo romantic -> romantically attracted to girls. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 Quote Sorry for the long post and for my English, but it is not my native language. Welcome! Your English is better than my English and I’m from England! Don’t apologise you’re doing amazing! Link to post Share on other sites
Evieee Posted January 2, 2020 Author Share Posted January 2, 2020 Thank you all for your response. I really appreciate it! 12 hours ago, Lichley said: Welcome! Your English is better than my English and I’m from England! Don’t apologise you’re doing amazing! Thanks Lichley! I was afraid i would made syntactic errors that would probably confuse many of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Evieee Posted January 2, 2020 Author Share Posted January 2, 2020 15 hours ago, elizabeth17 said: Ok so in the ace community we find it helpful to split up sexual and romantic attraction. Sexual attraction is when you want to have sex with a person. Romantic attraction is more like wanting to be close to a person. It could take the form of wanting to cuddle, hug, or kiss a person. From what you're describing it sounds like you might be asexual (you don't feel sexual attraction) and possibly demi-panromantic or demi-biromantic (let me define those real quick lol). Hi elizabeth17, I have already done my research regarding the commonly used terminology, but i was really confused. I had reached the conclusion that demi-biromantic applies to me, but somehow, figuratively speaking, i got lost in translation. I mean there are so many terms that made me really dizzy. So, it is a great relief that someone with experience and self-knowledge can help me to understand what is the case with me. I don't really like labels, because i believe that everyone is who he is and feels how he feels, and this should be acceptable to everyone. Unfortunately, it isn't. On the other hand, terms may help us to define, or at least explore ourselves. Although i feel relieved that i can finally put what happens to me all these years into some sort of perspective, at the same time i feel frustrated because i realise, now more than ever, it is really difficult for me to develop that kind of intimacy or bond with someone, in order to feel something for him/her. And even if i would feel something, who will be able to accept who i am? I am from Greece and things here regarding these matters are not simple at all. How all this works for you? Is it easy or it's just me who many time feels utterly lonely and stressed? Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 9 hours ago, Evieee said: Thank you all for your response. I really appreciate it! Thanks Lichley! I was afraid i would make syntact errors that would probably confuse many of you. I can understand why (my French is absolutely terrible when it comes to grammar) but you’re really good at this. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 Welcome to AVEN! You could be a Homoromantic Asexual. Asexuality is a lack of Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex). What you're describing sounds like Romantic Attraction and Sensual Attraction. I define Romantic Attraction as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (I still don't know what that is, I'm Aromantic). And I define Sensual Attraction as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. There are also other types of attraction, like Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them). Or Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's my favourite cake, http://chocolateartcake.blogspot.com/ Link to post Share on other sites
Evieee Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 16 hours ago, Lichley said: I can understand why (my French is absolutely terrible when it comes to grammar) but you’re really good at this. I wish i could help with your French, but the only sentence i can make is, quelle heure est-il...😛 Also, i don't even want to think about French grammar. It must be very difficult to learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 27 minutes ago, Evieee said: I wish i could help with your French, but the only sentence i can make is, quelle heure est-il...😛 Also, i don't even want to think about French grammar. It must be very difficult to learn. There's so many different verb conjugations 😮 Unless someone really enjoys learning the language, it can be kinda hard Link to post Share on other sites
Evieee Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 7 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said: There's so many different verb conjugations 😮 Unless someone really enjoys learning the language, it can be kinda hard I suppose you are from France 😛 I strongly believe that greek language is easier than french. But it may be my teacher's fault that made think of french so difficult to learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 3 minutes ago, Evieee said: I suppose you are from France 😛 I strongly believe that greek language is easier than french. But it may be my teacher's fault that made think of french so difficult to learn. Not france, but it's my first language. I always sucked at grammar. I do much better in english. If you like french, then it's possible I'm sure there's other languages that are even more complex. As far as writing goes, I think Japanese is just.. way too hard, you have to be passionate and dedicated to learn all the kanji and combinations for words. I was interested in learning it, but after a while I saw it'd take too much to remember everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Evieee Posted January 3, 2020 Author Share Posted January 3, 2020 35 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said: Not france, but it's my first language. I always sucked at grammar. I do much better in english. If you like french, then it's possible I'm sure there's other languages that are even more complex. As far as writing goes, I think Japanese is just.. way too hard, you have to be passionate and dedicated to learn all the kanji and combinations for words. I was interested in learning it, but after a while I saw it'd take too much to remember everything. Japanese is a very interesting language to learn, but requires great commitment and effort. Who knows? Maybe one day you have the passion to start again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 19 minutes ago, Evieee said: Japanese is a very interesting language to learn, but requires great commitment and effort. Who knows? Maybe one day you have the passion to start again. Maybe if I develop super good memory There are over 2000 'normal' kanji that are considered the common ones, and there's even more. And each word can be a combination between those kanji symbols and hiragana (or katakana for foreignly adopted words). How do you feel about learning over 2000 complex alphabet symbols? Lol. The sound and meaning of the kanji symbol changes depending on the word too, and it's not just simple changes like 'ah' or 'ay' in english, it can be very different. So.. yeah, great commitment and effort Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 5 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said: There's so many different verb conjugations 😮 Unless someone really enjoys learning the language, it can be kinda hard I managed GCSE French, but really struggled with the A- level. A-level = AP if you want the American term Link to post Share on other sites
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