Elf people Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Oh by the way-did you ever hear this: there is this theory among sexuals that if one sexual has a crush on another he or she cannot hold the other's hand or even touch the other during the crush stage. For instance if they are eating cashews or something from the same bowl they always are careful not to touch the other person's hand. The argument is that the "sexual tension" is way to much -don't know whether it is a myth or true among them. look at the irony of the whole thing-while they cannot even touch each other during the crush stage, everything is 180 degrees reversed and anything goes once past this stage. What, is thee a threshold or something? And another myth among them is that it is lame to start a relationship with the talk (I like you etc etc) and most prefer to start with some sort of a sexual move. A third myth: if two sexuals are friends, they are never completely so-there is always supposed to be this potential waiting to be fulfilled. Unless the persons have grown up together. I asked several sexuals and they all devoutly defend this theory. So what do you guys think about these myths and do you know of any other ridiculous stuff like these? Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Hmm. Well, to be fair, I think a lot of this stuff could hold true for asexuals, also. After all, it's possible for asexuals to develop romantical type feelings, and you like somebody, there's all manner of tension. You want that other person to like you back, but it's scary to experience mutual "like," so people do doofy things. If you're calling these myths because they are an unfair stimga of sexuals, then I'd agree with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Elf people Posted December 13, 2003 Author Share Posted December 13, 2003 I guess I am calling them myths especially because I don't know whether they are true or not. I can understand about the tension thing- I would call it an incomplete info situation in which case neither side knows for sure what the other side truly feels. Also there is an element of asymmetry of info since it is usually the case that one side has more of an idea of the other' s feelings while the other person is absolutely clueless. Beyond that however, I have never been in this kind of a situation so the whole thing seems absolutely hilarious for me. And I hope never to be in this sort of situation either-even in the asexual sense. It all seems very foolish. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 A third myth: if two sexuals are friends, they are never completely so-there is always supposed to be this potential waiting to be fulfilled. i agree with this. maybe it's just cause, being uncomfortable with sex, being asexual, i'm always super-aware of stuff like that. :oops: Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 1. Most of the time, I see people with crushes doing everything within their power to touch the person. People with crushes always seem to be draping themselves all over each other, or jokingly hitting the other just for the excuse to touch. 2. I've seen it go the talk way and the sexual way. 3. I would disagree with this. I have many male friends, even from before I knew I was asexual, and I'm certain none of them have ever liked me. My sexual best friend has the same male friends, and there's been no flirting so far. Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 1. Never noticed this....then again I'm clueless when it comes to their relationships... 2. You mean people actually use sexual moves to start relationships???? :shock: (I'm sorry, I'm just really glad I'm oblivious to these things) I would think that would be the worst way to start a relationship... 3. I think that's not true at all. Friendships don't have to have anything to do with being sexual, and if two people are sexual, they don't have to be sexually attracted to the other (once again though, this may just be a sign of me being clueless to sexual attraction between people...) Link to post Share on other sites
davelwhite Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 For instance if they are eating cashews or something from the same bowl they always are careful not to touch the other person's hand. The argument is that the "sexual tension" is way to much I have heard this from some people but I think it's a language thing because English has become such a sexualized language. When people talk to me about this theory about a crush (i.e. an attraction that is not known to be requited yet), the context seems to imply that the tension is about worrying that you will blurt out that you have a crush on them (or maybe grab them and kiss them like on the movies, I suppose) and thereby embarrass them (and, if the crush is unrequited, embarrass yourself too). It's more a fear of rejection or inappropriate expression of one's feelings, instead of an actual sexual feeling, but since people assume only sexual relationships have strong feelings, they call it "sexual" tension. (As a cuddly type person, i feel the same way sometimes, when I really like somebody I feel anxious about it and think of how embarrassing it would be if i expressed it by being cuddly out of the blue, but of course there is no actual danger of me doing that, just like there is no real danger of most sexual people acting on a crush by grabbing their coworkers in a passionate embrace during a staff meeting.) When talking to one [straight] guy who felt this way, I eventually got him to realize that he felt tension with other guys who he really wanted to be friends with too (i.e. fear of rejection/embarrassment), but hadn't recongized it as being the same feeling because he assumed sexual and nonsexual relationships were completely different. dave Link to post Share on other sites
davelwhite Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 A third myth: if two sexuals are friends, they are never completely so-there is always supposed to be this potential waiting to be fulfilled. Unless the persons have grown up together. I asked several sexuals and they all devoutly defend this theory. I think there are different levels of this myth. The people who most devoutly defend it seem to be the ones who have a very strict definition of "exclusivity" in their sexual relationships-- they or their partner thinks they shouldn't have any strong emotions about somebody other than the partner. In that case, they seem to interpret any close sort of friendship with whichever-gender-they're-attracted-to as a sort of threat to their sexual relationship, and try to keep those friendships to a very casual level. But people who define monogamy simply as "not having sex with other people," rather than trying to "only feel strong emotions towards their partner," tend to be much more accepting of the possibility of having emotional friendships with both sexes. The non-monogamous sexuals I know divide into two camps as well: some of them think everything is sexual (even saying hi to Grandma or standing in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles would probably be sexual from my ex-boyfriend's standpoint), but others completely disbelieve this myth, they think it's silly to fear "sexual potential" in a nonsexual relationship (they have nothing to fear, since they aren't worried about being cheated on). Dave Link to post Share on other sites
Plasmatica Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Hmm. Well, to be fair, I think a lot of this stuff could hold true for asexuals, also. YES! I'm a type D, but if I'm around someone who I KNOW likes me as more than a friend, it makes me feel VERY weird and uncomfortable because I don't know how to act... Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Plas is back! *waves* And yeah, I get uncomfortable if I like someone because I don't want to say anything stupid (or more stupid than usual, anyway), but if I know I'm with someone who likes me then I usually treat that person like anyone else. I will be certain to add somewhere in the conversation that I'm not interested in dating or relationships, though. So they can't say later that I was flirting with or misleading them. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Elf people Posted December 14, 2003 Author Share Posted December 14, 2003 Oh yeah I always add such comments as well-even if I don't tell them explicitly about my asexuality-I usually make remarks about not believing in romance, in relationships, about enjoying my solitude etc etc. Just in case there is a misunderstanding and the person starts to pity me for liking him ... Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 If these myths are true . . . Pwahaha :lol: I never even noticed them. Link to post Share on other sites
Syd Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 The argument is that the "sexual tension" is way to much -don't know whether it is a myth or true among them. Maybe it's just a myth made up by pop songs writers, you know, like "Danger High Voltage" ("when we touch, etc") :mrgreen: Link to post Share on other sites
Naeblis Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 Myths about sexuals are as accurate as myths about asexuals. Link to post Share on other sites
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