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Confused and starting to question gender


Anzlī

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I’ve always felt comfortable identifying and being seen as female, but I’m kinda questioning now because I don’t like having breasts. At all. Idk most of the time I don’t think about it, but they’re just kinda... there. There’s no purpose and sometimes they seem kind of gross or wrong. I always wear sports bras; I think my main reason initially was that I really really hate when my nipples poke out through my shirt. (Even if no one can see it it just really bothers me and makes me uncomfortable. And seeing other people’s nipples poke out also bothers me, idk why). A sports bra is usually enough, except when it’s cold sometimes I wear two.

 

That’s the most pressing reason, but I think I also like that it makes me look flatter and like I have less of a chest. I imagine it would be really nice to have a completely flat chest, but any kind of surgery really grosses me out and I don’t know if I could do it, so I guess I’ll have to deal with the discomfort the rest of my life? (I’m getting off track, I dunno where I’m going with this post. I guess I’m just trying to get my thoughts out so feel free to ignore me)

I would never want to wear the kind of bra with pads in it because I don’t want it to look like my chest is any bigger than it is (even if it wouldn’t, really).

 

So yeah, I’m starting to realize I’m pretty uncomfortable with having boobs, even though I’ve never had any problem with identifying as female. I like the occasional times when I feel like I do look pretty, but I also kind of like to feel less feminine than other girls, or tomboyish or something (although I doubt anyone sees me as being like that). I’m fine with my lower half, though. I’ve thought about labels like demigirl or agender but idk it doesn’t seem quite right either. Could it be gender-related dysphoria? Or maybe I’m really just cis and it’s some sort of internalized rejection of oversexualization of the female form? (You can tell I’m thinking about this way too much). But it does sound plausible especially since I’m ace and a little bit sex repulsed. Either I’m cis and overreacting, or genderqueer and in denial and trying to come up with excuses?

 

Anyways I’m sorry for this rambling post in the middle of the night, I think it’s mostly just to get my thoughts out although any replies are appreciated.

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There's no hint in your post about having any feelings of maleness, or of genderlessness , or of having only partial connection to being female, so what's left is being a female who doesn't like part of her body… like every other female who ever lived. Your dislike of nipples is pretty unusual, I think, but doesn't have any bearing on your gender. Given your preference for tomboyishness and a flatter chest, you're probably gender nonconforming. In any case, please stop beating yourself up for overreacting or coming up with excuses; in a climate where everyone is starting to look at any little thing as an indicator that their gender isn't the one they were assigned at birth, it's natural that you would wonder about yourself. You might want to look into those things you can stick over your nipples to hold them down flat, which might be less uncomfortable than wearing double sports bras all winter.

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Just Somebody

I don't have time right now to answer here about such doubts but I already did there and I believe this could help organize your thoughts

 

 

 

 

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