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Marsa

Those with a low libido/sex drive have you ever tried to increase it?

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Marsa

Hey all,

 

I am a pretty confused individual, sometimes I'm so sure I'm asexual and other days I don't think I am at all. I have experienced attraction to people, though fairly rarely, so figured maybe I was greysexual. But I'm starting to lean more towards the idea that maybe I just have a super low libido. So I was just wondering if anyone else has tried to increase this. I've been thinking about talking to my doctor about it, but I'm just so unsure if anything can even be done about it or if it is just how I will always be. I think I would like to have sex with whatever partner I choose and enjoy it. I tried to have sex for the first time only a few months ago (and I'm 27) so he was already confused about that haha, but even though I felt very attracted to him I could not get aroused and it wasn't much of a success and I was very frustrated by this. But anyways, if anyone has had any experiences talking to their doctor about this, or success with methods on their own I would really like to hear about it! 

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MichaelTannock

I've moved this thread from "Questions about Asexuality" to "The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions".
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

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MaggieB

No,actually I'm trying to make it even lower. I do not need this and my libido/sex drive (even,if it's low) is just annoying for me. 

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Marsa
1 minute ago, MaggieB said:

No,actually I'm trying to make it even lower. I do not need this and my libido/sex drive (even,if it's low) is just annoying for me. 

Too bad you can't just transfer it over 😄

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Janus DarkFox

It's already low, a libido that on occasion can be triggered with a fetish to increase it slightly.  Trouble is id rather a lower and more feminine libido which my change that through the process of medical transition.  The libido is more painful than pleasurable due to the long stretches of time between orgasms/ejaculations as a bio male.  I'd rather a libido of best fit for me between gender and sexuality.  I don't experience the libido with attractions.

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Philip027

Nope.  To me that's kind of the point of not having a libido; there's no internal drive to have one (just potentially external societal pressures, which I'm thankfully immune to).  Although I guess it's worth pointing out that for a time I was on monthly testosterone shots, but it wasn't for the purpose of trying to spark a libido and I was actually really afraid it would happen because that's what I heard everyone talking about would happen.  (It didn't do shit, so they got me all worried over nothing)

 

It's worth pointing out though that first-time sex is generally known for not being "much of a success" as you put it, particularly if you've not done any self-exploration of your own and are unable to communicate to your partner what it is you actually like.

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nineGardens

Honestly.... if you've only tried a few times, starting recently, and this is something you actively DO want to get right, then perhaps it would be worth just experimenting/exploring some more in the bedroom, rather than dipping straight to medical options?

I can't really say, because even though you say first time was a few months ago, I don't really know what you've been doing *since* then.

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Galactic Turtle

No but I also am not interested in having sex.

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Marsa
48 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

Nope.  To me that's kind of the point of not having a libido; there's no internal drive to have one (just potentially external societal pressures, which I'm thankfully immune to). 

I would say my desire to have sex, and my libido are two different things. I don't feel the need or crave sex, but I am curious, and would like to share that experience with a partner, and also yes, societal pressures of just wanting to be normal to a certain extent. I rarely ever get aroused, and I never feel the need to masturbate, and I've been like this always. It is only recently that I've decided I want to explore this side of life, but am finding it somewhat difficult when my body doesn't want it even if I do.

 

 

14 minutes ago, nineGardens said:

Honestly.... if you've only tried a few times, starting recently, and this is something you actively DO want to get right, then perhaps it would be worth just experimenting/exploring some more in the bedroom, rather than dipping straight to medical options?

I can't really say, because even though you say first time was a few months ago, I don't really know what you've been doing *since* then.

Well, I only tried the once, we were going to go for it again and try exploring some more but didn't get a chance before he had to go back home..to his own country..over seas, so that was pretty much that. I have been trying on my own, even got a toy, but for the most part the typical erogenous zones basically do nothing for me. I'm also pretty indifferent to kissing and other touching, it just doesn't stir anything in me, and this is why I think it is my libido more than anything, but maybe I just need to be more patient and try more, I just don't feel like I'm making any progress.

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appleseedy

interesting concept, i think my libido is quite high, never wanted to change it. 

I think of desire as being an expression of the things you want

If you desire something, you think about it a lot

like you might desire a new car, and the process of thinking about it leads you into taking action

 

Not exactly a new car but if you desire an increased libido perhaps you can have one?

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nineGardens
9 hours ago, Marsa said:

Well, I only tried the once, we were going to go for it again and try exploring some more but didn't get a chance before he had to go back home..to his own country..over seas, so that was pretty much that. I have been trying on my own, even got a toy, but for the most part the typical erogenous zones basically do nothing for me. I'm also pretty indifferent to kissing and other touching, it just doesn't stir anything in me, and this is why I think it is my libido more than anything, but maybe I just need to be more patient and try more, I just don't feel like I'm making any progress.

Gotcha- much clearer now.

Yeah, if you've only tried the once, and it IS something you want, then I'ld suspect "try again" is a valid plan.

In particular, depending on how you jive, libido is often tied to both physical stimulation, and also emotional state. Like.... I've had a relationship where I was like "This girl is very pretty, and we get on, but GOD DAMN kissing is fucking weird", and then others where things actually felt like they made sense.

From what I've heard from others.... the two things the seem to work are either extreme levels of trust/affection/romance ... or alternatively situations with some sort of power differential in one direction or the other (which personally I find unsettling, but hey, if that's what people are into... *shrug*).

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Marsa
On 12/30/2019 at 4:07 PM, appleseedy said:

interesting concept, i think my libido is quite high, never wanted to change it. 

I think of desire as being an expression of the things you want

If you desire something, you think about it a lot

like you might desire a new car, and the process of thinking about it leads you into taking action

 

Not exactly a new car but if you desire an increased libido perhaps you can have one?

I would definitely say I desire it, well more so in just the past few months, so I have been thinking about it a lot, and I think it helps to an extent, but I still don't seem to have much of a libido. I'm also wondering if it could be a physical thing like hormonal rather than psychological, so not sure just wanting it would help, but I imagine it will steer me in the right direction I suppose. 

 

On 12/31/2019 at 1:51 AM, nineGardens said:

Gotcha- much clearer now.

Yeah, if you've only tried the once, and it IS something you want, then I'ld suspect "try again" is a valid plan.

In particular, depending on how you jive, libido is often tied to both physical stimulation, and also emotional state. Like.... I've had a relationship where I was like "This girl is very pretty, and we get on, but GOD DAMN kissing is fucking weird", and then others where things actually felt like they made sense.

From what I've heard from others.... the two things the seem to work are either extreme levels of trust/affection/romance ... or alternatively situations with some sort of power differential in one direction or the other (which personally I find unsettling, but hey, if that's what people are into... *shrug*).

I suppose the only problem with this is actually finding another person I would like to try with 😂 hard enough to find the first guy and actually get to the point of feeling comfortable enough to even try . Though it would definitely be the best way to explore, I also just want to be at that level next time I find someone I would like to be intimate with in that way.. though that is probably not be possible...

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AceMissBehaving

Mine is typically pretty low, but does change depending on my hormones levels. When I got my hypothyroidism treated it went up from absolute zero to what I assume is a pretty normal level. 

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WanderingKate

I did get my hormones checked, but besides that I haven't really done anything. I've thought about it abstractly, but I wasn't sure what the options were other than some kind of over-the-counter supplement that probably wouldn't even work and may not even be safe. 

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Janus DarkFox

On subject of hormones, last one was about 5 years ago, the next one with GIC Blood Hormone is the big one, this lays it all out, every hormone related to gender, libido, drive, fertility... the lot, I'd not be surprised it still comes back normal, even if the last 5 hears has changed quite a bit.

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Gnome.1

I know others have mentioned getting hormone levels checked, which I would recommend as well.  But also if you happen to be on any psych meds they tend to also do this.  For some they take away the libido, for others it takes away the ability to get pleasure out of the act itself.   Either way a talk with a doctor is recommended. 

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Marsa

Well, it does sound like the verdict is that I should get my hormones checked, which I have been thinking about as well. I'm not on any psych meds, but I am on birth control pills (for less than a year), which I have heard may lower libido, though I don't think I had much of one beforehand either, but I suppose that could just be compounding the issue. I've also never had any symptoms of any kind of hormone balance that I know of, but I guess it could be something not as common or more subtle. I kinda hate going to the doctor, but I guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and go for it. But thanks for the replies everyone! I guess if I have any significant revelation about this, I'll update the post haha. 

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