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Lord Jade Cross

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You might get more responses if you change the title from "allos" to "sexuals".  

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12 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

If you look, specifically, at my last status update, it shows my recent interrogation about (extremely) private information as if it was a casual everyday thing to talk about ones relationships and sex in the work place.

Agreed with CBC that most people won't do this. 

 

However. 

 

I read your status update and no, doesn't seem super weird to me to ask a coworker you're trying to befriend if they drink, date, etc. 

 

I started my first job out of grad school at a large company. All the ladies in the department took me out for drinks that night. They grabbed a guy off the street and started talking to him and eventually set us up. We were meeting later that night for our "date." After he left, I told them all that I'm gay. I met the guy that night and took him to a gay bar. 

 

My current boss asked me straight up if my dad sexually abused me during our one and only after work hangout. 

 

Work is weird. 

 

If you don't want to answer, don't. Have a standard response prepared, like, I prefer not to discuss my personal life at work. 

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27 minutes ago, KrysLost said:

This is all weird. Setting people on fire is so much easier. People do what's comfortable for them and if it's not comfortable for you, tell em to fuck off. 

Having actually accidentally set someone on fire once, the aftermath is no less awkward. Probably just as annoying though.

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Depends on the person. Not all sexual people are 'players', which is what I would classify this person as, at least a bit.
Some people don't care about etiquette and like to ask those kinds of questions, so you need to tell them that you find it inappropriate to talk about that at work, or something else to explain that you don't like to go that private with someone you hardly know.

As for you first post, I think there are better ways to ask something than asking if being sexual means harassing people, that's pretty provocative.

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1 minute ago, Jade Cross said:

I did pkace and explained a warning for that very reason.

 

Now, Ive seen some of the responses and it seems to be a pretty basic thing to ask (although personally I dont see why anyone, besides maybe an SO or someone you trust fully, should care) these types of questions 

 

For me however, they, Im not sure if the correct word is "feel" invasive and are tied to the ever present pressure to comply with the idea of having to have a partner, among other things, that Im oersonally so sick and tired of hearing because people cant seem to take a "No" for these types of questions, and their insistance drives me up the wall.

 

That's kind of a common sentiment for asexuals though. And if you had guy friends, you would get that feeling more often. They talk about sex, and that makes them wonder about the info around this too. Usually not at work, but I could see a few being like that. It does depend on the work too. Like, if you can picture some construction workers talking together, that kind of stuff could come up, but at an office, that's a little less common, and if unwanted could even be considered as a form of harassment if they dont stop after being told. In which case a talk from HR should be enough to stop them from doing that. But as far as non-sexual personal info, that's all game, some people don't see as many barriers to asking personal questions.

I had a talk with someone once, and she said she only would speak of certain things with someone she's intimate with, and I didn't understand that at the time. Since then I'm a bit more of a private person so I can understand it, but there's still a lot I'm comfortable talking about on a personal level even with strangers. So.. you know, I think it just really depends on the people XD

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50 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

I dont have friends for a few reasons (this being one of them) but this has come from women as well It did so today and its not the first time either.

 

I dont understand just what can be so fascinating about knowing someone elses relationship/sexual status, especially when it comes from people who regularly do it; so its not like its some grand mystery. 

 

 

Because those details tend to be important aspects of people's lives and personalities. I don't know why you're so stuck on it being fascinating... a grand mystery... maybe for people who don't have a lot of baggage, it's just basic info about someone. People wear wedding rings so that their marital status can be communicated without a word. People have pictures of loved ones on their desks. I feel like you're blowing it out of proportion a bit. If a random person asks you for blow job tips, that's weird. Asking if you have a girlfriend is not. 

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Lord Jade Cross
1 minute ago, CBC said:

Sometimes it's a fun topic? You don't have to understand it.

Sorry but the impression I get is less along the lines of it being fun and more along the lines of complying with a social rule.

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1 minute ago, Jade Cross said:

Im not going around asking people these sorts of questions. If people date/have sex or do whatever they please, so long as it doesnt concern me and it doesnt affect me, its of no interest to me.

 

This however doest seem to be the case for others. I dont understand why or how it should be anyones business what I do in my life.  

Yes, I realize that. But you live in a world where most people behave differently. You can't be surprised at this point and yet... you keep being surprised. People are people. They're all different. You say things all the time that i would never, ever say. And vice versa, right? We're super different people! There doesn't have to be more to understand than that. 

 

1 minute ago, CBC said:

There's no rule. You're welcome to decline to share. I would in situations where I didn't feel comfortable too.

Yup. Guaranteed that people who ask invasive questions also get brushed off a lot. Won't be their first time. 

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4 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

Im not going around asking people these sorts of questions. If people date/have sex or do whatever they please, so long as it doesnt concern me and it doesnt affect me, its of no interest to me.

 

This however doest seem to be the case for others. I dont understand why or how it should be anyones business what I do in my life.  


It's probably because you're a private person then. There's people like that too.

You don't have an aunt who's always asking everyone how their relationship is going? Some people just can't get enough of that stuff, they're interested in people's romantic lives, they're all about that stuff.
It's like people with different interests, you don't have to be able to relate to it to be able to understand that it's fascinating to them. It just is :P

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AceMissBehaving

Some people are more comfortable talking about certain things than others, and if it’s normalized within their friend group then it might not be something they have experienced as being too forward, and thus it’s just an attempt to bond and get better acquainted.

 

Relationships are common, so can be a go to topic for a lot of people. I’d say asking about a person’s virginity at work is kinda weird, but in a social setting it depends on the person I guess.

 

My general rule of thumb is if someone asks something I’m uncomfortable talking about, I’ll politely decline to answer, if a person keeps pushing frequently then I might start to avoid them.  Not so much because of the questions, but because of the lack of respect for boundaries, or because we probably don’t have much in common.


It’s also ok to take lead of the conversation and turn it in a different direction. Usually these kinds of things are about bonding, if you can find a different subject to bond over folks will often be just as happy to talk about that instead. 

 

 

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Going back to the OP. If someone wants to share the details oftheir bedroom life with others that's down to them. Some place great import on it, for various reasons, for others what goes on in their bedroom stays in their bedroom. 

However, when it comes to asking others. A little bit of light-hearted locker room joshing is one thing, but most people won't repeatedly ask intimate questions of others, and if they do, a neutral answer is best. 

Particularly if you see someone (say a work colleague) on a one-to-one basis people will talk, though. 

 

@CBC, I'll see how this thread develops. It's sort of midway between office politics and a rant at the moment 

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