Jump to content

Hello there aces


Grilled_cheese

Recommended Posts

Grilled_cheese

Hi I'm Charlotte. I've been questioning my sexuality (or lack thereof) since I was about 13 after watching Ash Hardell's videos on it and seeing aroace characters in webcomics I read but back then I thought I was probably too young to know and kinda didn't think about it for a while. I'm only 16 so maybe I still am a bit too young but my friends seem to have a lot more sexual attraction than I do. 

We play truth or dare a lot and an annoyingly large amount of the time truths revolve around sexual attraction. 

One time someone asked me something along the lines of "what's the weirdest thing that's turned you on?" and my reply was that I didn't think I'd ever been "turned on" by something. He Insisted that I was probably lying because I was embarrassed and that was probably the turning point for me to start questioning again. Someone else asked me a question along the same lines recently and my reply to her was "I'm asexual". 

I kinda regret blurting it out like that even though I still wasn't sure because there are two people in my friend group who have come out as asexual and demisexual only to realise that they were actually just late bloomers. 

And then there's the fact that I like someone now and I'm really confused about which way I am attracted to her. We've been friends for a couple years but have gotten really close over the past few months after I dumped my ex boyfriend ( who had been my best friend since primary school before that but I think I caused a rift in our friendship after initiating a relationship and then being completely uninterested) and her ex girlfriend dumped her (they had been very close for quite a long time too). I definitely like her romantically, aesthetically and sensually but I can't figure out whether I'm sexually attracted to her and therefore demisexual. Like, I don't know if I want to be intimate with her or just be close to her. The essay criticising the split attraction model in the AVENues news letter has helped me understand that different forms of attraction don't necessarily fit into neat boxes so thats good.

 

So there's me sharing far too much about my personal life to some strangers on the internet. Hi. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

I never played truth or dare and I'm just so glad for that, I couldn't stand trying to be amused by getting pressured. 😛

 

3 hours ago, Grilled_cheese said:

helped me understand that different forms of attraction don't necessarily fit into neat boxes so thats good

This ^ means, you have it all figured out already 😃 Just be yourself, don't be afraid of trial and error. Your friends that you talk about who 'turned out' to be 'late' bloomers, they might change back after a while as well. People can bloom in cycles.

 

Welcome to AVEN! Have a piece of welcome cake! (But beware, this one might be a little hard to figure out also...)

 

maxresdefault.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome! Well , demisexual or asexual, you’re still part of the gang, so we can celebrate either way 🥳

chocolate-chocolate+cake.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Grilled Cheese. Welcome! :cake: 

 

 

On 12/27/2019 at 3:27 AM, Grilled_cheese said:

The essay criticising the split attraction model in the AVENues news letter has helped me understand that different forms of attraction don't necessarily fit into neat boxes so thats good.

 

So there's me sharing far too much about my personal life to some strangers on the internet. Hi.

I'm glad that AVENues has helped you already. I think attraction fitting into neat boxes would make life less interesting :)  I too have shared far too much about my personal life on here for several years. I hope to see you around the board.

Link to post
Share on other sites
scarletlatitude
On 12/27/2019 at 5:27 AM, Grilled_cheese said:

The essay criticising the split attraction model in the AVENues news letter has helped me understand that different forms of attraction don't necessarily fit into neat boxes so thats good.

@BeakLove ^^ You have a fan! 

 

@Grilled_cheese welcome! I am glad AVENues could help you out. :) 

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

16 hours ago, scarletlatitude said:

@BeakLove ^^ You have a fan! 

Hiya, thanks for the heads up!

 

On 12/27/2019 at 10:27 AM, Grilled_cheese said:

Hi I'm Charlotte. I've been questioning my sexuality (or lack thereof) since I was about 13 after watching Ash Hardell's videos on it and seeing aroace characters in webcomics I read but back then I thought I was probably too young to know and kinda didn't think about it for a while. I'm only 16 so maybe I still am a bit too young but my friends seem to have a lot more sexual attraction than I do. 

Hi Charlotte. It's good to hear that you've been helped by reading some of the things written by various contributors on here. There's certainly no shortage of support and goodwill on this place. 

 

Quote

And then there's the fact that I like someone now and I'm really confused about which way I am attracted to her. We've been friends for a couple years but have gotten really close over the past few months after I dumped my ex boyfriend ( who had been my best friend since primary school before that but I think I caused a rift in our friendship after initiating a relationship and then being completely uninterested) and her ex girlfriend dumped her (they had been very close for quite a long time too). I definitely like her romantically, aesthetically and sensually but I can't figure out whether I'm sexually attracted to her and therefore demisexual. Like, I don't know if I want to be intimate with her or just be close to her. The essay criticising the split attraction model in the AVENues news letter has helped me understand that different forms of attraction don't necessarily fit into neat boxes so thats good. 

It's important to note that there are people who would argue otherwise, so please don't take my opinion on the split attraction model as gospel either. But I personally don't find it's useful to treat these attractions as discrete entities. I think it is far more prudent to take attraction its entirety and examine it. In the case of this girl to whom you find yourself drawn, it may well be the case that a sexual impulse does develop in time. But perhaps it won't. You cannot force that. Did you feel a sexual impulse towards your previous partner? Not everyone develops those "urges" at the same age. Some people become sexually "awakened", as it were, as late as their early/mid twenties. And some people never develop sexual urges of any great magnitude.

 

Perhaps if you describe how your present attractions manifest we might be able to help you understand it better. If we examine what your attraction looks like in general we might be able to tease out the likelihood of any sexual interest developing. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...