am I ace?

[Shelfy]

I have just hit puberty, and I have many friends who are doing the same thing, but the difference is that they are all saying that they are attracted to girls. I don't really understand. I am very concerned but I probably should not be, seeing as I might just be a late bloomer but I just don't see the appeal in any genitalia, while my friends are cracking jokes. I just want to understand. I learned about aro and ace about a weak ago and as of now, it fits me fairly well. I do believe that I am aro as well, but again I am still very young and might be a late bloomer, FYI I am a 13 year old boy.

[elizabeth17]

Hi! At the end of the day only you can decide what labels or lack of labels works best for you. I'm an asexual person so honestly people who aren't ace my be more helpful in telling you their experiences figuring out sexual attraction than I am, as I've never experienced it myself. Thinking back to when I was 13 I guess friends of mine and people I knew had celebrity crushes who they thought were really cute. I'm 21 now and when I was 13 Justin Bieber was just becoming really popular so I remember people in my class were OBSESSED with him. I really didn't understand why and still don't. Of course if you're not aromantic ace then you might develop crushes on celebrities so this isn't foul proof. I'm more of gray-panromantic person so I've only had a few celebrity crushes in my life (I can really only think of 2) and they both developed when I was like 15 or 16. So, idk maybe 13 is rather young.

Here's my advice: if aro ace makes sense to you now and you find comfort in the label and this community that is AWESOME! 13 is young though so maybe wait a bit to come out if that is something you want to do and is safe for you to do. By safe I mean how have your parent(s)/guardians reacted to LGBTQIA* stuff in the news/in their lives? How have friends reacted? Your school? Also remember sexuality can be fluid and may change, especially since you are so young. Keep an open mind. You may not be asexual, but you may be some other queer identity! Do some research (again being safe, hiding search history, etc. if you are worried about being outed). At the end of the day you are super valid. If aro ace feels good right now go for it!

[thyristor]

2 hours ago, Shelfy said:

while my friends are cracking jokes

The silly thing is that cracking jokes about genitalia shouldn't be a thing whether one is ace OR sexual. I hope that some day in the future this stupid habit of civilization will stop.... just don't pay too much attention to those jokes. It might just be the case that you are more mature, since you don't have the urge to profile yourself by bragging with irrelevant stuff.

 

/gray

[SincereOne]

Time will tell, just do as you feel is right.

 

What you're describing is like what happened to me, and I had to constantly lie to fit in. When I was 18, still no desire. Turned 22, nothing. I didn't find out Asexuality was even a thing until I was 23.

 

I'm now grey-zone, as I've only been attracted to 1 person in my whole life, who I fell in love with the moment I first chatted with her. Ive found that labels are pointless; you are you. If you experience attraction/crushes, you will definitely know as it will be a new feeling all-together. If that feeling never shows up, just realize that you are still perfect just the way you are, kiddo!

 

(Attraction sort of feels like an overwhelming feeling of interest and addiction, mixed with the urge to engage/stare/converse-with/be-near)

Edited December 26, 2019 by SincereOne
Attraction description