such Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 @rawersace I feel you 100% and can totally relate. For me, it broadly parallels my aegosexuality - I often think "that sounds good in theory" but in real life, it becomes clear that it's something you really don't want. But with romance, I haven't even come close to encountering it in real life, so it still remains in its idealised, hypothetical form that lives in my imagination (and in romance movies, novels, TV shows). I think it's interesting that you ask "how do you cope?" because for me, it's not really a source of distress. I allow myself to 'desire' romance in my own way because it actually kind of feels good. It sustains me and gives me hope - not necessarily for a cishet, romance-novel happily ever after - but for all kinds of meaningful connections with people. I hope that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Simple answer: No i don’t feel any romantic attraction towards people(males, females and non-binary people). I thought for a long time i were romantic attracted to anyone but weren’t since i didn’t felt it. I don’t have any wishes to be romantic attracted to people, cause now that i know where i am now i’m not gonna change myself to something i’m not. I’m not interested in romantic movies/series and have never been. So yeah with other words i describe myself as being neither straight/gay/bi/pan. Link to post Share on other sites
rawersace Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share Posted January 14, 2020 @asexualpanda27 hey!! everything u said.. word for word... i know EXACTLY what u mean. i felt the same with accepting with my asexuality, it was a lot easier than accepting my aromanticism just cause i long for it too and time to time i get platonic crushes and my brain cannot fathom the difference lol. please PM me with your experiences with this if you have any, i’m more than happy to hear and share my thoughts too! Link to post Share on other sites
rawersace Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share Posted January 14, 2020 @such i think i can relate to the “aegosexuality” part but maybe “aegoromantic” idk if that’s a thing lol but i totally relate to the whole in theory part about it. also, about my “how do you cope?” question, i didn’t realize the connotation it had but you’re right, for me, it’s kinda like i have to cope with it because i often think about how doomed i am to be alone and the longing for a partner (or theoretical partner lol) but it’s interesting how other people don’t see see it as coping, and everyone has different perspectives and preferences regardless of their sexuality and it’s honestly very interesting! Link to post Share on other sites
AllTimeBubble Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 On 12/23/2019 at 6:12 PM, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? Nope, I can appreciate other people's romantic love without wanting it for myself, its like admiring a painting. They're cute and I ship them but I don't want to have what they have, its just not how I work Link to post Share on other sites
LegolasAroAce Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 I both do an don't if that makes sense. Usually I'm very happy and confident in my aro/ace identity and I don't feel like I'm missing out at all, but sometimes societal programming kicks in and I feel a sense discontent about not being able to experience romantic feelings. I've felt this in the past during Christmas and Valentines day because the media makes everything about romance. During those times I have either felt regret or strong romance repulsion. I've noticed though, that grounding in who I am helps dispel the discontent. I use grounding exercises and affirmations and they help a lot. I also focus on what I do enjoy, like music and reading, often choosing books and music with little romance during those times. However, I've noticed that it has been lessening the longer that I've known I'm aro/ace. Link to post Share on other sites
tiptoenail Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 On 12/23/2019 at 1:12 PM, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? Yes and no. In a way I feel like your don't know what your missing until you experience it for yourself. On 12/23/2019 at 1:12 PM, rawersace said: Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” NO, however unlike some aromantics who are repulsed by any kind of romance on the big or small screen, I have been known from time to time to enjoy the so called "chick flick" etc. This is something that I have never understood and I have wondered if it’s a way to try to fill in the missing pieces. It’s not like I’m getting some deep understanding or meaning from this type of media far from it. I guess the best way to put it is that there enjoyed on a naïve level. On 12/23/2019 at 1:12 PM, rawersace said: And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? No, not for a romantic love or relationship Link to post Share on other sites
tiptoenail Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 On 12/29/2019 at 11:04 PM, asexualpanda27 said: What I've found is that the way my friendships work is that I bond with them on a level deeper than what I've heard traditional friendships described as. I would do almost anything for them, the way a person would do almost anything for their romantic partner. I spoil them with surprises, make sure their emotional needs are met, do my best to be everything they could ever want. That's why I only have two or three really good friends. WOW, Someone else that understands On 12/29/2019 at 11:04 PM, asexualpanda27 said: What I've yet to find is a friend who feels as strongly about me as I do about them. What I ask of them is similar to that of what a romantic partner would ask in terms of commitment and emotional needs. That's not fair of me. I know that. But I long for someone who would be willing to do that for me, whether that be a friend or romantic partner. Your not alone in trying to find that one true friend. Link to post Share on other sites
melissace Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 I’m a little late but yes, I do understand the feeling. It is part of what’s making it hard for me to accept being both aro and ace. I know that I probably won’t ever get these things I see on others, and it feels like I’m wrong for not wanting it. I wish I felt that type of attraction only to be normal... It’s like ever since I was a child, I pictured that this would be my future because I thought it was just something everyone did and that’s what you were supposed to do as you grew up. Get in a couple and have a family. But now I have to accept that I have no desire for a relationship of this sort, that it’s not going to happen. And it’s hard! I’m still working on accepting it, but deep down I guess I know we’re okay the way we are.:) And if society didn’t show us these things, we would’ve never felt like anything was off, right? It’s just not in us and it should be ok! I understand you anyway:) Link to post Share on other sites
deletingthisaccount Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 I think I understand what you're saying. You WANT to want a romantic relationship, but you don't want a romantic relationship. I went through that for a while (although now I love being aro-ace, so not anymore). I've never dated, been in a relationship, etc. However, starting in middle school before I ever even realized what aromanticism/asexuality was, I knew that I seemed to lack "some sort" of feelings that everyone else seemed to have. I wished that I could have those feelings too. When I was about 20 (about a year after I realized I was ace), I finally realized that I had only ever "wanted to want" romantic/sexual relationships so I could be "normal." I had never truly had any actual desire for that. Now instead of wishing that I were different, I only wish that our society would recognize and understand asexuality more. Then I wouldn't have felt so alienated all those years for never experiencing that desire. Of course, it took me a long time to come to these realizations, but once I did, I became much more accepting of my aromanticism/asexuality . Maybe what I described isn't quite how you're experiencing it, but the point is that I can relate. Link to post Share on other sites
Velvet Eden Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Yeah, I do feel like that. Like I feel jealous when I see a couple or something. But other times I think being aro is so great because I don't have to put effort into a relationship. Also there is no chance of me ever being in a toxic relationship (because I will never be into a relationship in the first place). And when I imagine kissing or romantic things like that I cringe, Like major oof. I think its just a "the grass is greener on the other side" thing for me. I just reason out the feelings with listing off the things that ARE great about being aro. Link to post Share on other sites
VibeN Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 The only thing that's missing from my life is a good amount of money, and no dating has managed to bring me that (also I just felt icky about the whole dating thing so I decided to quit it forever) I did feel lonely for years though, but that was really only because I felt nobody liked me and wished I was dead. After I found a person that truly appreciates and cares about me I found a inner peace I never knew existed Link to post Share on other sites
#Cthulhu Posted February 10, 2020 Share Posted February 10, 2020 I get happy when I see others happy. So if the romance is well written and acted, it'll make me happy if it makes the participants happy. But I never really want a romantic relationship. I want however to live with a bunch of friends. Which is often seen in fiction but not so much in real life. What I want in life is a Dnd party that I can live with and play dnd with Link to post Share on other sites
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