rawersace Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? Link to post Share on other sites
Larkaloke Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 No. Generally when I see romance on TV or read about in a book I think "ugh, not again, why this?", and I'm perfectly happy hanging out with friends and family. There's nothing I want to do that could only be done in the context of romance, so I have no reason to wish for it, since the idea of romance itself doesn't appeal to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 I've never felt that way, no. However. I have felt that it would've been cool to have a soulmate that you share everything with, like a best friend that's forever reserved just for you, someone you get along with perfectly, complements you perfectly etc etc. Tbh that's what I thought love was supposed to be for the longest time, and I wouldn't (I still don't) understand why people settled for less. Now I know that love is way more random and definitely not that perfect (sometimes even damaging). I feel as if I'm spared from that irrational stuff by being aromantic, nothing to miss there. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 26 minutes ago, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? Nope! 26 minutes ago, rawersace said: Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” Nope! 26 minutes ago, rawersace said: And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? Nope! If I were interested in that type of relationship, I'd date. But I'm not so I just go about my business. I honestly forget about it until I'm in a room with people all talking about their partners then I just think "we're wired very differently." Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 48 minutes ago, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love?... Sometimes, I do. I'm constantly surrounded by married couples with children, and there aren't many single people like myself, so I'm always seeing how others have someone around them who cares about them, who will help them, defend them, etc. (I think that's part of the reason why some adults or young adults decide to shout or honk their vehicle horns at me: I'm alone, and therefore, am seen as an easy target, compared to coupled adults who are out walking outside together, everywhere.) So, sometimes, it's hard not to feel a bit envious of their lives, feeling as though I'm the only person who is single and who doesn't have anyone else. But, when I read about others who've been harmed/abused by their partner, then I feel glad I'm not in a relationship. 48 minutes ago, rawersace said: ...Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? I felt that a little more when I was a kid, but, as I've gotten older and no longer think about that as much as I used to, I think--as a kid--I was just wishing I had someone who cared about me because I wasn't receiving it from my family. I've noticed that, since I've increased my own self-esteem and confidence, I don't really have those thoughts, anymore, of wishing I had someone else to help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tintinfan Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 35 minutes ago, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? Only when my friend get into relationships. Otherwise no. Nope! Tv romance is... too much Not really. Its hard to desire for something that isn't there. Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 I've never felt like I'm missing something by being Aromantic, but I have on rare occasions wondered what it would be like if I were Romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
fuzzipueo Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 29 minutes ago, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? No. I have, in fact, had a perfectly good friendship be destroyed by romantic feelings (on his part). I would have been quite happy to just be friends. 33 minutes ago, rawersace said: Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” Quite the opposite: I roll my eyes and watch as a perfectly good friendship (TV program) goes down the drain as the writers scramble to make characters with no real chemistry come together. Also, it's irritating to watch. 35 minutes ago, rawersace said: And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? To judge by the people in my life, they seem relatively happy in their relationships. However, I've never, personally, desired "the desire for romantic love". Since I lack the interest in the first place, I really don't spend a lot of time angsting over it - unless I'm really annoyed by TV writers ruining an otherwise great story by ramming an unnecessary romance into the plot (coughcoughRussellTDavies's10thDoctor&Rosedebaclecoughcough). Link to post Share on other sites
frostboot Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 Do you feel this way? If that's the case, I understand it must be difficult to see that most people responding can't relate. I personally have never felt like I'm missing out, but I do know of aros that grieve their lack of romantic love since society keeps telling us that we're missing out on "the joy of being human" or some nonsense like that, and I think I can understand that feeling. If you're looking for others that feel the same way I recommend checking out the aro community on tumblr, because I know there are people who talk about these things on there. If you do feel this way, you need to remember that society is lying to you. You're not missing out on anything of importance and you can live a happy, passionate, fulfilling life without romance. I haven't dated anyone in years and it's honestly so peaceful and so freeing. A relationship can't heal you or give you the happiness you've been looking for, you need to do that for yourself. I can relate to the second thing, however! I love a well-written romance and can get super emotionally invested in it. But, as you said, it's only something I want in theory. Link to post Share on other sites
laLibby Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 36 minutes ago, Marian the Herbalist said: I have felt that it would've been cool to have a soulmate that you share everything with, like a best friend that's forever reserved just for you, someone you get along with perfectly, complements you perfectly etc etc. That's pretty much how I feel too. I don't feel the desire or wish I could "date", but I'd love to have a life companion. Like when people say they married their best friend! I want that but without the romantic (or sexual) aspect. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 If youre looking at TV "love" and thinking you want that, youre already setting yourself up for dissapointment. TV romances are all scripted and can make the most impossible of scenarios possible; but it doesnt make them real. As for missing out, theres nothing I can see a relationship could bring me that I would need that I couldnt find on my own. So I have no desire to ever seek it, even if I did feel it. It just doesnt seem worth the time or effort. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 From what I've see, some aros can still want a high level of connection with someone (or multiple friends), even if it's not strictly romantic. So I could see someone who isn't seeking that in a close friendship to feel like maybe there's something missing. Just a thought I had - could be off base What I'm curious about is how many do have a close friendship that they put a lot in, feeling highly connected with them (like the close 'best friend') Link to post Share on other sites
xToasty Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 46 minutes ago, Marian the Herbalist said: I have felt that it would've been cool to have a soulmate that you share everything with, like a best friend that's forever reserved just for you, someone you get along with perfectly, complements you perfectly etc etc This pretty much sums up what I feel about romance in regards to myself. Best friend soulmate for the win. I don't need no lover. In regards to romance in literature, I don't always hate it, like some people seem to. Like sometimes I get really annoyed when I'm watching some cool-ass show (generally sci-fi or fantasy) and then they have to go throw in some unneeded romance subplot. It just kinda puts me off. (Totally not looking at Rise of Skywalker or anything. Still mad about that end scene.) But when it's a romance comic or something, then I totally dig it. I live for some good romance stuff. (As long as it stays PG, I don't want no sexual crap.) Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowocollie Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 I'm greyromantic, but like. I like shipping characters and have an OTP, I just don't need that for myself. At one point in my life I did find the idea appealing, but now I'm just 100% happy as I am. Link to post Share on other sites
rawersace Posted December 23, 2019 Author Share Posted December 23, 2019 42 minutes ago, frostboot said: Do you feel this way? If that's the case, I understand it must be difficult to see that most people responding can't relate. I personally have never felt like I'm missing out, but I do know of aros that grieve their lack of romantic love since society keeps telling us that we're missing out on "the joy of being human" or some nonsense like that, and I think I can understand that feeling. If you're looking for others that feel the same way I recommend checking out the aro community on tumblr, because I know there are people who talk about these things on there. If you do feel this way, you need to remember that society is lying to you. You're not missing out on anything of importance and you can live a happy, passionate, fulfilling life without romance. I haven't dated anyone in years and it's honestly so peaceful and so freeing. A relationship can't heal you or give you the happiness you've been looking for, you need to do that for yourself. I can relate to the second thing, however! I love a well-written romance and can get super emotionally invested in it. But, as you said, it's only something I want in theory. thank you for this reply!! it is a bit alienating seeing that a lot of people can’t relate to me, but it’s okay, i know everyone has different emotions. but thank you i’ll definitely check out that tumblr page!!! 💗💗💗💗 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 1 hour ago, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? No, not really. I tend to think the opposite. The lack of romantic love frees up a lot of time that I can use otherwise. So it grants me more time and it saves me all that drama that is inevitably connected with romance. These gifts come with a price of course but for me advantages outweigh the disadvantages. 1 hour ago, rawersace said: Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.”? No, not in the slightest. My objective perception of romance in fiction depends on the execution. But from my subjective point of view most stories are ruined by romance. If romance is implemented in the story for the sake of it or if it feels forced to progress the plot I will despise it. All that romance stuff is too predictable and boring. 1 hour ago, rawersace said: And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? Why should I desire something that I can't experience? I would desire something that I can't get. The desire of romance is bound to fail. Romantic love doesn't exist for me as an aromantic. So, there is nothing to cope. It would bother me more if I would experience romantic attraction some day than the lack of it now. I don't know what romantic love is but I can see its effects on other people and I'm quite happy that I'm not exposed to the influence of romance. Link to post Share on other sites
rawersace Posted December 23, 2019 Author Share Posted December 23, 2019 16 minutes ago, AweSim said: Like sometimes I get really annoyed when I'm watching some cool-ass show (generally sci-fi or fantasy) and then they have to go throw in some unneeded romance subplot Ah yes.. felt this way when i watched the matrix. There was no need to make neo and trinity get together, i was really starting to like their friendship and then boom it had to turn into something else lol. Link to post Share on other sites
0000000000 Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 - Link to post Share on other sites
Morgenrot Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 I would die for a qpr. Like. That's the best thing ever. But romance is just so... overused and boring... So, a big nope on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 I like romance within my head and not within the context of my current life. In another where I am a different person (aka one of my many characters) it would probably be alright. But within this one I am currently romance repulsed. Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 8 hours ago, rawersace said: Do you ever feel like you’re missing something out of your life knowing that you’ll never feel romantic love? Most romantics seem to like that they can feel this and it has many social advantages, so objectively yes, but emotionally no. Nothing thus far has made me want to seek out a partner. If someone seeks me out, maybe, but that's a whole other thing. And I don't know that I'll "never feel romantic love." I'm not averse and can't prove a negative, or maybe my orientation will change. People change; it happens. 8 hours ago, rawersace said: Or do you ever see romance on TV and think “Wow.. I want that... But like theoretically.” No, but again, the happiness and other social or happenstance benefits the relationship has for the character are what I would want, not the relationship in and of itself. I think that kind of happiness can be found in many areas of life, not just via the vehicle of romance. 8 hours ago, rawersace said: And you’re constantly desiring the desire for romantic love? Like you don’t want romance but you want the desire for it? What are your thoughts on this and how do you cope? No, but I used to feel something akin to this. I kept my thoughts grounded in reality. I also found hobbies and things to do with people that made me happy without having to be reminded how different I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 I don't feel like I'm missing out on much. It is just something I don't like. I also don't feel like I'm missing out on rollercoasters. The added benefit is making my life much more simple. I do have a lack of close friends, but that is a different story. I have no desire to share my life with someone to that extent, and I don't feel like I have no outlet for romantic feelings. Falling in love sounds like a nightmare. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 Life without is not something I miss to me, not longing for something that such a concept hadn’t came into mind in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Red Ivy Posted December 24, 2019 Share Posted December 24, 2019 I mean, to first question, yes. Though for the most part I am totally comfortable with my aromanticism, I still feel, due to the pressure of society's romance obsession, that I am missing out on something, even if I don't particularly want that thing. I don't mind that I'm not allo, but it still feels a bit suffocating knowing there's something I have no control over and that's never going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee the asexual panda Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Honestly, yes. I was an avid reader when I was younger (and still am), and I think all the books that included romantic subplots and such instilled within me a deep longing for a romantic relationship or one very similar. I don't know if I've ever felt romantic attraction, but sometimes I wish I did. I've been coming to terms with my aromanticism, but it wasn't as easy for me as accepting my asexuality. I've wanted romance for so long that even though I know I don't need it to be happy, and I know others don't need it to be happy (and that's totally valid!), I still long for it. Does anyone else out there feel the same? Maybe it's not necessarily romance that I'm looking for. I think what I truly want is the deep, intimate connection that usually comes with a romantic relationship. I want someone who understands me and is willing to talk things out with me. I want someone to come home to after work. Someone to connect with. Someone who would do anything for me in return for my doing everything for them. If I need to be in a romantic relationship in order to access that, so be it. What I've found is that the way my friendships work is that I bond with them on a level deeper than what I've heard traditional friendships described as. I would do almost anything for them, the way a person would do almost anything for their romantic partner. I spoil them with surprises, make sure their emotional needs are met, do my best to be everything they could ever want. That's why I only have two or three really good friends. What I've yet to find is a friend who feels as strongly about me as I do about them. What I ask of them is similar to that of what a romantic partner would ask in terms of commitment and emotional needs. That's not fair of me. I know that. But I long for someone who would be willing to do that for me, whether that be a friend or romantic partner. Sorry for the long post. If anyone feels the same, please connect with me. I want to talk and share experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted January 3, 2020 Share Posted January 3, 2020 Nah. Even if I were, I wouldn't mind missing out on something intrinsically unappealing to me. I'll never feel romantic love much like I'll never know the fabulous taste of live octopi, and that's probably for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
madarc Posted January 4, 2020 Share Posted January 4, 2020 I feel a lot of the same way @asexualpanda27. I’ve also wondered if reading has been a big part of that. I actually really do enjoy a good romance in books, although for me that romance was always more about people who feel in love as best friends, and I wonder if that’s why romance seems so confusing to me at times. Having just a great friend who you build a life with sounds amazing, but I also worry it’s not possible, which also gets me very down at times. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee the asexual panda Posted January 5, 2020 Share Posted January 5, 2020 @madarc Would you be willing to PM me? I’d love to talk to you about this! It’s good to know I’m not alone in feeling this way Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire42 Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 I think I too wish for the kind of deep connection involved in a romantic relationship, but deep down, I know I'm happiest alone. So on one level, it does bother me that I seem to be unable to feel romantic love and that sort of deep connection, but on a deeper level, it doesn't and I know I'm better off this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Luna04 Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Yep. I do. I would love to love romantically, and often find myself wishing for a squish or a queerplatonic relationship. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
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