Gender positive thread - pre or non transition edition

[PoeciMeta]

20 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I don't like thinking about that.

Me neither. But hey, at least I won't be there to miss it. 

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

8 hours ago, Starbogen said:

I used to struggle with a lot of self doubt and internalized transphobia and I still totally have those kind of thoughts and feelings from time to time but I guess something that always helps is to try to focus less on if I'm "right" or "trans enough" or anything like that and just think more in terms of "what do I want?", "what makes me more comfortable". So instead of paying attention to thoughts like "I'm a guy because of this and that" or "oh no what if I'm wrong because of this or that" or "I'll never be a "real man"", I just remind myself that living as a guy in every way makes more sense to me and feels more comfortable than the alternatives and that has to be good enough.

As someone who's really struggling with self doubt too, this helps me a lot. Thanks for sharing!

[Janus the Fox]

I’m usually hate getting medical stuff done, like taking blood feeling faint is an almost guarantee, it’s a reflex response rather then a fear.  I’ve hundreds of things done over the years, transitioning is no different.  I treat it as getting well, getting well overrides any fear.  I have family with various medical problems including cancer.  I can afford to get scared of medical treatments if my life is on the line to me.

[Strange-quark]

[redacted]

 

*Sending moral support to everyone!*

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

2 hours ago, Strange-quark said:

I'm nb and don't know if I'll ever transition, frankly. It's all just too scary and I have enough medical issues already and I'm afraid of something going wrong. It sucks how I intensely dislike the present but somehow dislike the idea of actually transitioning even more. 

But since this was supposed to be a positive thread, let's just say that clothing has helped me a lot. I know a lot of people think it looks silly, but I just don't care. I've also gotten recently called 'they', and that felt unexpectedly cool! (Given that I used to think I didn't really care for pronouns.)

 

*Sending moral support to everyone!*

Validation without even asking for it! Hurray to that random person who called you they! Honestly I can see this thread isn't gonna be unambiguously positive and am cool with it, but I'm glad clothing helps you! And I doubt you look silly by any means, strictly binary presentation is weird in my opinion. Like I get ads telling me look at our website to see how to dress well! Aimed at cis guys, and I'm like yeesh, it's like drawing a tiny circle and cutting it out of a dark area of a colour pallette and declaring all other areas illegal is the defining feature of men's style. I wish more cis guys would dress like nineties rock stars my own style is based on noughties boybands, sometimes, although it varies a lot lol.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

On a positive note, I always RP male characters and getting called he, even vicariously, really gives me a boost. It's pretty much confirmed I'm just a male who has random agender days, rather than the other way round.

[Custard Cream]

On 12/21/2019 at 1:49 AM, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

 I'm going to include cute bunnies because I need the positivity of searching for one, and I'm sure others need the positivity of looking into its wide gorgeous eyes. Unless you don't like bunnies, but I'm spoilering it for any unusual phobia people

  Hide contents

 

Aww what a cute bunny! All bunnies are very welcome on any thread as far as I am concerned!

 

I'm in on the thread - I'm finally coming to terms with being genderfluid, and it feels very liberating to actually admit it. I feel very fortunate that I don't seem - so far at least - to have trouble accepting my body as it is, for which I am very grateful. 

[Larkaloke]

It took a while after I came out to just about everyone I know back at the end of May, but it's rare now that anyone doesn't refer to me with they/them pronouns, and I'm so much happier. Hearing the others constantly was starting to become unbearable. The only downside is that I don't feel I really can tell my Opa, and so I'll have to go back to dealing with the old pronouns next weekend when we visit. But I'm kind of used to that. It (hopefully) won't be any harder than it was.

 

I have a lot of medical anxiety to the point where routine checkups are already basically a nightmare situation for me, so I don't know if I'll ever be able to make myself go through any not strictly necessary surgery (I had to have some for a badly broken leg/ankle some years back, and it wasn't as bad as I would have expected, but I knew I had no other real choice). So I'll probably have to just keep switching between binding and wearing baggy clothes, which works decently well most of the time, but I wish I didn't have to.

 

But on a positive note, people I don't know seem fairly close to fifty/fifty on assuming a binary gender for me these days, so that's probably about as close as I'm going to get to people not making an assumption.

[Rynn]

3 hours ago, Remmirath said:

Opa

Wait wait wait, what does this word mean to you? It means grandpa in Dutch, but I've never heard it being used in English before. Is it the same?

[Janus the Fox]

21 minutes ago, Laurann said:

3 hours ago, Remmirath said:

Opa

Wait wait wait, what does this word mean to you? It means grandpa in Dutch, but I've never heard it being used in English before. Is it the same?

All I know of opa as in Opa-Opa, a game character from the Fantasy Zone game franchise

[Larkaloke]

30 minutes ago, Laurann said:

Wait wait wait, what does this word mean to you? It means grandpa in Dutch, but I've never heard it being used in English before. Is it the same?

Oh, sorry, yeah - same meaning. Part of my family is Austrian, so that's where it comes from for me.

[DuranDuranfan]

9 hours ago, Laurann said:

Wait wait wait, what does this word mean to you? It means grandpa in Dutch, but I've never heard it being used in English before. Is it the same?

It’s also German. But it makes sense that it’s a Dutch word too since both languages most likely come from a root language they share.  Just like Hindi and Punjabi, they both come from Sanskrit. I think Bengali is also another descendant of Sanskrit.

[𝗦𐌷𝖆七七ₑⲅₑ𝑑Ꙧⅰ𐍀𝑑]

unsure i'll ever be transoned i dont want my cheast  but am too scared to get an op and am too fat  as well 

[PoeciMeta]

I'm glad my chest is small enough to be hidden by a binder that's not that tight at all. I also like how my voice can go moderately low - maybe I could train it to go lower. 

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

Ever since I figured out I'm trans, I've stopped being suicidal and started caring about my body.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

Gawd, every year on this day, I tell myself that I'm going to go see a shrink and stop being stuck in trans-never-never-land. "Yeah, good luck with that," i say to myself after considering it for a minute, knowing that it's a forlorn hope that won't happen. But at least this is the day when the holiday season is over, which was especially difficult this year because of having no one to talk to in 3D meatspace. The last person I've been out to moved away to a nursing home without telling me where it was or what the phone number was. Not that I was surprised, as her demential and memory was getting really bad and she was hooked on opiods and needed more care than I could possibly give her while working long hours on what I hope is the last year on my transphobic job.

 

I did pull off some real advancements in my job, for all the good it did. I'm still seeing people with less experience and qualifications getting the cushy jobs, but enh... when there are constant problems to be solved, they do rely on troubleshooters and creatives like me who work behind the scenes. Dirty job, but someone has to do it. And they'll NEVER EVER give someone like me any kind of rank.

 

So this year, I want to finally work at being a coding maven. Hopefully, so I can work from home and not deal with the transphobic people in 3D space. Or the nepostism. I usually hit what I shoot for in the skills acquisition game, so maybe this will be what it takes to make the inner demons go to sleep. I think I'd rather spend a chunk of money and become an RN ( even though I hate needles and don't think I could inject anyone) or teach. But again, I have a feeling my transness would mean I would have to work twice as hard and still come up against discrimination. Seeing how people like J.K. Rowling back the transphobes, I don't feel like there is ever going to be anyone on my side, at least not in my lifetime, which is slipping away fast.

 

Happy New Decade, and all that rot.

 

On a final note, I binge watched the new Star Trek Discovery over the holidays. And there was one episode, New Eden, which hit me kinda hard. Spoiler Alert:

 

 

Someone from the future scooped up a bunch of people from WW III and moved them in a church through thousands of lightyears of space. Two hundred years later, a 

signal from an entity called the Red Angel, brought the Discovery to them. Being as they were still a pre-warp society, the Prime Directive was in effect when they made contact with them. But to get a clue in the form of a broken soldier's helmet camera, Captain Pike has to fess up to being from the Federation and trade tech with the only scientist in the settlement.  I was really touched my this dialog:

 

Quote

PIKE: I lied.
To protect the others from the truth.
The truth is you were right about us.
I- I know what it's like to live with doubt, and I guess I-I didn't want that for you.
Jacop: How'd you get here? Beam of light? Yes, actually.
Pike; It's called a transporter.
It converts a-a person or an object into an energy pattern, then "beams" it to a target, where it's eventually reconverted back into matter.

 

Jacob:
Do you have a ship? Do you, uh, fly among the stars? [LAUGHS SOFTLY.]
Pike: Yeah.

Jacob: And - Earth? -

 

Pike: Well, we're-we're part of a galactic federation now, dedicated to peace, exploration and protecting places such as your planet.
Jacob, we cannot intervene.
Your society has to evolve in its own way.

 

Jacob:My entire family spent their whole lives hoping to get a confirmation that what we believed was true.
And you gave me that answer. Something none of them ever got. And that is enough for me.
[EXHALES.] Thank you. Because of you, we're not lost anymore.
Pike:How about this power cell, with a very long lifespan, in exchange for a soldier's broken camera circa 2053? [CHUCKLES SOFTLY and trades objecs with Jacob.]
[EXHALES SHARPLY. and shakes hands with Jacob]

Pike: I hope we meet again, Jacob.

Jacob:I know we will.

 

THat's the way I feel sometimes-- that I know what I know about myself is true. And that's enough for me.

 

But just once in a while, I think I need to hear it from someone like Pike. Someone who will disregard the Gender Prime Directive......

 

[Janus the Fox]

I’ll be giving myself 2 weeks to properly time my GIC hormone landscape, I’m giving a month up to the 19th to get it done, as it’s the time of year of indulgence, 2 weeks of diet readjustment and back to my usual exercise following the flu as well, keeping of the alcohol for good.  Hopefully, blood hormones related to fat and that of the liver don’t turn out of the ordinary like last years tests being diagnosed with a ‘fatty and alcoholic liver’

 

I actually got curious and researched the ordered tests done, with a bit of research, if accurate, this is what a blood hormone landscape tests for here as a male sex mtf trans.

Spoiler

FBC - Full Blood Count 

DTES - D-dimer (Blood Clotting monitor) ?

TFTF - Thyroid Function Test

LFT- Liver Function Test

FSH - Follicle-Stimulating Hormone (Reproductive System Test)

OES - Oestrogen Blood Test

TESTO - Testosterone Blood Test

PROL - Prolactin Blood Test

SHBG - Sex Hormone Binding Globulin Test (Liver/Sex Hormone Binder)

PSA - Prostate Specific Antigen Test (Cancer Screening)

LIP - Lipid Profile (Cholesterol Levels Test)

LH - Luteinising Hormone Blood Test (Sex Organ Hormone)

I think the Thyroid and PSA might be personal ones with family histories of cancer etc.  But I suppose it’s might just be because I’m older than 30.  It’s possible every male sex trans gets some form of this type of screening done, before HRT.  I’m confident though that HRT is safe, there’s a good chance that I’ll avoid the Absolute Contraindications but a big question on the Relative ones are possible due to history of Liver Disease, Migraines, Obesity and family Diabetes, oestrogen sensitive cancer and gallbladder disease.

 

What I like to do, being supervised by a psych and endo, is to take testosterone blocking agents and low E first, de-masculinise what little male body I have already, shrink down the crotch area, lower libido further and see how I feel in a 6 month to 12 month period from the HRT start, that’s about between psych appointments.  Then if I feel I’d want to feminise further, I’ll do so provided it’s still safe and non-toxic according to the endos screening.  This way I can then I’d think, determine if I’m more comfortable being Agender or crawl into milder feminisation to determine if I’m more female than non-sexed.  I’d say I’d give this 12-24 months, in that mean time, I’ll see if I’d want to publicly cross-dress with more female clothing more full time.  After that, I’d say another 12-24 months Real Life experience to determine weather the shrinkage of the crotch is enough or feel I’d want to remove the testis.  That maybe sooner of treatments creates more pain in that area that cannot be controlled without aborting treatment.

 

Again though is at any point If dysphoria is worse at this treatment stage or side affects are unbearable or changes risks cancers already present in family then ill stop, the very last think I need is the state of health being worse it is currently.  Maybe at a 4 or 5 year mark, I’d see into vulva reconstruction if I feel that way.

 

Though that’s if the GIC referral stage is skipped, but being under psych and a local endo dealing with trans HRT... thats pretty lucky.  I’ve avoided the direct GP route, useless on all points other than ‘change diet and exercise first’ can’t even get blood tests direct anymore lol.  I’m equipped to deal with any surprises with the bloods, there’s that Intersex question which could result in mixed sex blood results and a long standing curiosity in genetic sex disorders like Klienfelters or an XXY condition.  Particularly what I’ve been diagnosed already with unrelated like the learning difference and autism fits a genetic syndrome pretty well, even if there’s no clinical need for such test, especially if I’m already infertile, especially with the delayed puberty and no psycho-sexual development at any development milestone.

[Albine]

I not sure if i qualify on this thread not transitioning any further but had male breast augmentation procedure done. While originally didn't want large boobs ended up with a set of fairly noticeable ones. All thoughts of say transitioning sort of went away afterwards 

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

@Calligraphette_Coe I wish you luck in your coding ambitions, you deserve that position I honestly get the same sort of pride in my academic interests and hobbies, except that I rarely progress far enough to get to writing stuff on a cv level, rather than having more interesting conversation for people to get bored of level. My latest passion is studying from a functional neuroanatomy book and I can already feel the executive dysfunction encroaching, though that may just be a rough mental health week tbh. It's awesome that you pick up skills like that, and meh how people get stable jobs at the top isn't down to skill and nowadays people have these horrendous personality tests pushed on them by recruiters. I bet they find all sorts of ridiculous pseudo scientific reasons to back up hiring the ones they like. If they use excuses at all.

 

I hope you're out of that job ASAP and as for the friend you had who moved, I'm sorry message me if you feel like chatting, and here are some adorable hares:

Spoiler

 

 

[Strange-quark]

[redacted]

 

[ColeHW34]

Typically the strain is caused by pressure exerted on the ribs which in turn puts pressure on your spine causing (or make worse) scoliosis. 

Try stretching your back and sides and try stretching out your binder by a couple of milimeters or so by steaming them and hanging them out on slightly bigger hangers with the clips than what you typically put them on on the sides tops and bottoms to reinforce it.

As it cools, it should adhere to the form and put less strain on your lungs and back.

 

Just my advice I guess. 

[DuranDuranfan]

I find this tends to be true with the Underworks brand binders. The panel goes all the way around, and because I have the early onset of thoracic kyphosis I do notice this puts pressure on that spot. I had headaches because of this when I first started wearing a binder, but I’ve gotten used to it. 
 

The ones from GC2B don’t do this. At least, to me they don’t. 

[Strange-quark]

[redacted]

[DuranDuranfan]

9 hours ago, Strange-quark said:

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Well I just use a sports bra 😅 I feel it strains especially shoulders and the muscles around scapulae... Could it be because it's a tank top? 🧐

 

It’s probably because the material encourages better posture. I’ve had bad posture pretty much since puberty. 

[Luftschlosseule]

Awesome idea for a thread. ❤️

I am genderfluid between woman and agender, so there is no way to transition and being comfortable on every day with what I've done.
I phantasize about being a metamorphmagus like Tonks in HP, being able to change my appearance just how I want. Or Mystique from X-Men.

[PoeciMeta]

On 2/17/2020 at 11:02 AM, Strange-quark said:

Well, I'm nowadays called they pretty regularly, and I like it  Even though I also try to tell them there's no reason to correct it if they use she (since I feel that kinda draws attention to the whole gender issue). Personally I don't mind because I know they know and it's just a slip. But it makes it almost worse to then be grouped to a binary by other people (eg. choir singing is still pretty gendered). 

Yup, I relate to that... since I've become a they on AVEN, being a she IRL is harder. 

[Strange-quark]

39 minutes ago, PoeciMeta said:

Yup, I relate to that... since I've become a they on AVEN, being a she IRL is harder. 

Yep. First I thought I don't care at all about pronouns but now I actually do... Maybe that's what gender euphoria feels like? 😅

[Starbogen]

1 hour ago, PoeciMeta said:

Yup, I relate to that... since I've become a they on AVEN, being a she IRL is harder. 

 

1 hour ago, Strange-quark said:

Yep. First I thought I don't care at all about pronouns but now I actually do... Maybe that's what gender euphoria feels like? 😅

Yeah that totally happened to me too when I changed pronouns. I didn't hate female pronouns at first, just knew I liked male ones so I started out saying either one was fine but I soon realized I didn't want to be called female ones at all.

I guess it's because before you get to experience something different it just feels like there's no other option so you kinda just have to accept it, but once you see how much better the alternative is you realize how shitty the previous thing was and can't go back to it. That's why for a lot of people dysphoria actually gets worse when they realize they're trans, you become more aware of it because now you also know how things could be and how you want them to be but you're not there yet. 

[Abigail Rose]

     I have a question if that is alright. Does anyone feel like they have always used general pronouns when they speak to other people? Like as far back as even early childhood. So instead of having the aspect of how other people use pronouns to address you, using vague or neutral ones to address them as well as when speaking to others of yourselves. I am not sure I am asking this right. I can try to think of a batter way to ask if not.

[Luftschlosseule]

5 hours ago, Silence4now said:

     I have a question if that is alright. Does anyone feel like they have always used general pronouns when they speak to other people? Like as far back as even early childhood. So instead of having the aspect of how other people use pronouns to address you, using vague or neutral ones to address them as well as when speaking to others of yourselves. I am not sure I am asking this right. I can try to think of a batter way to ask if not.

First: Of course it's allright to ask questions! That's what were here for, to talk with peers, right?
And yeah, I do. In German, I use general masculin because it feels most neutral to me. Never even noticed I do this.