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Gender positive thread - pre or non transition edition


Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

So this thread is basically what's in the title - since lots of us can't or won't be medically transitioning, I thought we can make a gender positive thread with a focus on just keeping going without hearing about people's medical transition progression. It can be a thread mostly for pre or non medically transitioning people, but people who are currently medically transitioning or who have finished with it in every significant way can come chill too, just without focusing on things like HRT or surgery.

 

How are you all doing? I'm going to include cute bunnies because I need the positivity of searching for one, and I'm sure others need the positivity of looking into its wide gorgeous eyes. Unless you don't like bunnies, but I'm spoilering it for any unusual phobia people ;)

Spoiler

436..jpg

 

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I think it's a good idea. I've only seen a few trans people who aren't transitioning. Would be nice to see who's in that boat.
I'm trying to do steps towards transitioning, but I have a lot stuff in the way too, so it's pretty slow. There's a few things I feel like I could do, like wearing more accessories, but other than that there's quite a bit I don't feel ready for. So I'm just coasting trying to feel more like I want to inside.

I'm curious how others deal with their situation and like what helps them along.

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Anthracite_Impreza

Since I have a very severe phobia of needles and basically anything medical, I've basically been halted from any sort of medical intervention. I hate it, but that's life...

 

I think I need to keep reminding myself that I don't need to transition to still be male though, as we all do from time to time. I'm extremely male in some aspects, especially my autistic traits, so in a way being trans-male helped me get diagnosed a lot easier than if I'd been cis-female...

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief

Solidarity with @Anthracite_Impreza and @Sarah-Sylvia, the hurdles are tough!

 

I'm waiting to find out if anyone has any healthy coping mechanisms I can copy because I have a lot of internalised transphobia and resulting guilt at my thoughts betraying me. :( probably my biggest transition goal will just be getting to the point where I don't research triggering transphobic news things online all the time.

 

Also, the needle phobia sounds tough! I've heard from people who said the NHS provides CBT for it, if that would help you. I have struggles with mental health things, therapy etc as 1) did the 6 session talking therapy before I came to terms with some more trauma and cut off my family, so ended up seeming much more mentally healthy than I believe I was, 2) I tried paying for it afterwards before stopping because it's expensive and I didn't feel it was right, and 3) I recently was rejected for a psychologist referral essentially because I have a gender clinic referral I'm waiting for.

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Anthracite_Impreza
8 minutes ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

if anyone has any healthy coping mechanisms

Lol, no. I'm otherkin as well as trans so I've come to the conclusion I will be eternally miserable 🙃

 

I have told doctors and nurses time and time again, no one ever offers me anything, not even an anxiety pill. Everyone seems to think I should just "get over it", and at this stage it's so bad I'm not even sure I could face therapy for it. I've also had therapy multiple times but it's never been any use to me other than a short-term dumpfest. I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do in it and although none of my therapists have been "bad", me being both autistic and having the associated alexithymia, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling, let alone what I'm supposed to be changing.

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Calligraphette_Coe

It's funny, but one of the things that helps me get through this godawful dilemma of being trans and not being medically fit for hormones or 'unnecessary' major surgery is this beautiful little bunny figurine I have on my microwave oven. And though I have to keep them in the closet like myself, I have a few beautiful porcelain dolls.  I keep some pretty flower arrangements in my living room on top of my numerous bookshelves.

 

Even though my eyesight is slowly failing, I keep buying books on just about every topic immaginable. Well, except for transgender life/ politics, because it's too depressing and I'm an expert on the subject as is. Every week, I stop in at least one book store and shop the shelves for something to increase my knowledge, engineering skills or human interest/ the human condition stories. And count myself lucky that I'm still highly functional despite having 3 cerebral strokes.

 

Today was rough, though. Since it's Christmas time, the company has a party and someone who I used to consider a close friend but hasn't worked there for 4 years stopped by. And she pretty much gave me the bum's rush like she has ever since I partially came out to her. She lost both parents like I did and was pretty broken up about it, and I always tried to be there with cards and support. And almost from the day I showed her pictures of myself when I cross-lived, I could feel something changed in a bad way. So I cried the whole way home in the car and resisted the urges to self-harm. It's like I know the price I have to pay for being like this, and have come to think of it as being like a secret agent-- let your guard down, and you'll pay dearly.

 

Oh well.... life sucks and then you die.

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I like the idea of this thread. Thanks for starting it, @Lonemathsytoothbrushthief. :) 

 

I'm transgender. I've been to the local trans health clinic, and I was supposed to start transitioning a year ago (hormones first, and then surgery). In the end, I never took the hormones, and I cancelled the surgery that I was supposed to go through this spring. I don't necessarily regret not going through with this (I must confess that there's been the odd time when I wonder what might have been...). There were concerns about putting my body through this, and in the end I made the best choice for myself at the time.

 

As for healthy coping mechanism, that's a tough one... I'm currently coming to terms with this right now. It's been depressing, knowing that I won't be able to transition at all. It is what it is, though, and I'm trying to make the best of this situation. For me, it's about working on accepting my body as it is. I know that's a really difficult thing to do, but I'm working on it. 

 

Cute bunny, btw. :D 

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My dad actually used they/their pronouns to refer to me twice today so that happened 😁.

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Just now, Just Dani said:

Congrats! :D 

Sure it might have been an accident but whatever. 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
1 hour ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

It's funny, but one of the things that helps me get through this godawful dilemma of being trans and not being medically fit for hormones or 'unnecessary' major surgery is this beautiful little bunny figurine I have on my microwave oven. And though I have to keep them in the closet like myself, I have a few beautiful porcelain dolls.  I keep some pretty flower arrangements in my living room on top of my numerous bookshelves.

I'm really amazed how much more important beauty in the everyday world is to me nowadays. Though a difficulty I personally have is that I rarely have any interest in buying things just for their look because it feels like too much money, and then when I do want jewellery, or little models, they're all things left behind by relationships I effectively lost.

1 hour ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Even though my eyesight is slowly failing, I keep buying books on just about every topic immaginable. Well, except for transgender life/ politics, because it's too depressing and I'm an expert on the subject as is. Every week, I stop in at least one book store and shop the shelves for something to increase my knowledge, engineering skills or human interest/ the human condition stories. And count myself lucky that I'm still highly functional despite having 3 cerebral strokes.

Honestly the stuff you know is incredible, coming from someone who tries to use science to distract myself from the world as well. I also kind of avoid trans stuff, and it's true at a certain point it becomes highly predictable and repetitive, but I think the main benefit is the search for another trans person saying you can make it through this. Unfortunately, if they don't understand you or your situation it is pretty hollow 😕

1 hour ago, Calligraphette_Coe said:

Today was rough, though. Since it's Christmas time, the company has a party and someone who I used to consider a close friend but hasn't worked there for 4 years stopped by. And she pretty much gave me the bum's rush like she has ever since I partially came out to her. She lost both parents like I did and was pretty broken up about it, and I always tried to be there with cards and support. And almost from the day I showed her pictures of myself when I cross-lived, I could feel something changed in a bad way. So I cried the whole way home in the car and resisted the urges to self-harm. It's like I know the price I have to pay for being like this, and have come to think of it as being like a secret agent-- let your guard down, and you'll pay dearly.

I'm so sorry you dealt with this :( when people turn on you when you're doing everything you can as a friend for them, it's horrible. You deserve better from all of the people around you.

Going to send another bunny. ❤️

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Cute+Rabbit+16.jpg

 

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
48 minutes ago, ColeHW34 said:

Sure it might have been an accident but whatever. 

I hope things go well with pronouns for you from here on out, and it's more than an accident :)

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
 1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Lol, no. I'm otherkin as well as trans so I've come to the conclusion I will be eternally miserable 🙃

 

I have told doctors and nurses time and time again, no one ever offers me anything, not even an anxiety pill. Everyone seems to think I should just "get over it", and at this stage it's so bad I'm not even sure I could face therapy for it. I've also had therapy multiple times but it's never been any use to me other than a short-term dumpfest. I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do in it and although none of my therapists have been "bad", me being both autistic and having the associated alexithymia, I'm not even sure what I'm feeling, let alone what I'm supposed to be changing.

Sounds like by ignoring you people make the phobia worse, which makes sense because it's like a societal version of flooding. Eternally miserable is also relatable...reasons for me stopping private therapy other than cost also involved me finding it seriously uncomfortable that the moments which are supposed to be important, with lots of strong emotions, are when I go nonverbal and the therapist would try to figure out what I was feeling when nonverbal for me generally involves complete disconnect and not wanting to deal with emotions. Not in a therapy way, in a you are about to send me into shutdowns or meltdowns way. I don't really know how therapy is supposed to deal with the autistic side of things, seeing as having control during a meltdown or shutdown isn't a goal or achievable at all.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
1 hour ago, Just Dani said:

I like the idea of this thread. Thanks for starting it, @Lonemathsytoothbrushthief. :) 

 

I'm transgender. I've been to the local trans health clinic, and I was supposed to start transitioning a year ago (hormones first, and then surgery). In the end, I never took the hormones, and I cancelled the surgery that I was supposed to go through this spring. I don't necessarily regret not going through with this (I must confess that there's been the odd time when I wonder what might have been...). There were concerns about putting my body through this, and in the end I made the best choice for myself at the time.

 

As for healthy coping mechanism, that's a tough one... I'm currently coming to terms with this right now. It's been depressing, knowing that I won't be able to transition at all. It is what it is, though, and I'm trying to make the best of this situation. For me, it's about working on accepting my body as it is. I know that's a really difficult thing to do, but I'm working on it. 

 

Cute bunny, btw. :D 

Whatever direction it leads us in, making decisions which are best for you at the time is good and important. ❤️ I'm glad you liked the bunny :) I got very sucked into social media and politics, and animals are the only way I'll ever pull back on it, so am posting them everywhere I can.

 

Accepting bodies is...hard. So hard. Yeesh. Optional hugs to all struggling with it too.

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2 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Since I have a very severe phobia of needles and basically anything medical, I've basically been halted from any sort of medical intervention. I hate it, but that's life...

 

I think I need to keep reminding myself that I don't need to transition to still be male though, as we all do from time to time. I'm extremely male in some aspects, especially my autistic traits, so in a way being trans-male helped me get diagnosed a lot easier than if I'd been cis-female...

There is testosterone gels though you probably already know that. 

 

 

As for me being a pre-everything trans dude, things aren't as bad as they could be. I just hate being short lmao. Oh well, cats will like me more because I'm not some towering giant. Besides it's all the tall people that are weird anyways. Who let them extend their necks into the clouds?

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Grey-Ace Ventura

I'm pre-everything and only out to a few people.

 

It's really weird when people call me by my preferred name but still use female pronouns or say things as if I'll still look like a female in the future. My best friend has been pretty good about my name though. I haven't asked him to call me by my preferred name or use he / him pronouns yet but he avoids using pronouns and generally uses my nickname instead of my birth name, which I appreciate.

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I do want to medically transition eventually, but haven't been able to mostly because of my family being unsupportive and transphobic. It's been four years since I came out and finally they're starting to be more open and willing to respect my name and pronouns so maybe if I'm lucky I might be able to start HRT within the next year. But for now I'm still pre everything.

It really sucks because of body dysphoria but the rest isn't so bad nowadays. I came out to everyone when I figured out I was trans and only ever had problems with my family, so now that they're making an effort to change the social side isn't really an issue for me aside from all the official/legal stuff whenever I have to deal with that. 

 

I used to struggle with a lot of self doubt and internalized transphobia and I still totally have those kind of thoughts and feelings from time to time but I guess something that always helps is to try to focus less on if I'm "right" or "trans enough" or anything like that and just think more in terms of "what do I want?", "what makes me more comfortable". So instead of paying attention to thoughts like "I'm a guy because of this and that" or "oh no what if I'm wrong because of this or that" or "I'll never be a "real man"", I just remind myself that living as a guy in every way makes more sense to me and feels more comfortable than the alternatives and that has to be good enough.

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Lonemathsytoothbrushthief
4 hours ago, A Cool Fool said:

I'm not really in a position to be actively out to the people around me, but one person who does know referred to me by my birth gender and then stopped speaking to correct themselves and apologize. I hadn't mentioned it because I'm unfortunately resigned to not being referred to by my preferred pronouns, but it was a small moment of validation. 

That's awesome! Even if you are resigned to it, snatching a chance to grow a group of friends who will try more than anyone else is important imo. Though of course, we all have different feelings about misgendering.

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16 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Lol, no. I'm otherkin as well as trans so I've come to the conclusion I will be eternally miserable 🙃

I mean technically dissociating can be considered to be a coping mechanism. 

 

I just have to try to ignore my body. 

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Anthracite_Impreza
1 hour ago, NoelciMeta said:

I mean technically dissociating can be considered to be a coping mechanism. 

Not really seen as a healthy one though ;)

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12 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Not really seen as a healthy one though ;)

Transition isn't seen as healthy by many people :P

Is it really that intrinsically healthy to be so involved in the meat world? 

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Anthracite_Impreza
7 minutes ago, NoelciMeta said:

Is it really that intrinsically healthy to be so involved in the meat world? 

Not to me...

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2 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Not to me...

See :P

Do what you can't! 

Although I do wish you can make things better gender-wise someday. At least making your body more comfortable to wear. I know my own case wouldn't be that bad with a less gendered body. 

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18 hours ago, ColeHW34 said:

Sure it might have been an accident but whatever. 

A happy accident maybe? :D 

 

17 hours ago, Lonemathsytoothbrushthief said:

Whatever direction it leads us in, making decisions which are best for you at the time is good and important. ❤️ I'm glad you liked the bunny :) I got very sucked into social media and politics, and animals are the only way I'll ever pull back on it, so am posting them everywhere I can.

 

Accepting bodies is...hard. So hard. Yeesh. Optional hugs to all struggling with it too.

Please continue to post pictures of cute animals. I think that we don't have enough of those. Sometimes this world gets too serious and things get too politicized, and we need more pics of animals to help us cope. :) 

 

It sure is... :( 

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Calligraphette_Coe
1 hour ago, NoelciMeta said:

Transition isn't seen as healthy by many people :P

Is it really that intrinsically healthy to be so involved in the meat world? 

Somewhat likely because of the DES I was corrupted by in the womb, I never was completely healthy. I had these ticking time bombs of congenital birth irregularaities that made meat space difficult to live in.  I guess I give off these vibes, and it's like I belong out in space where there is no air to transmit those vibrations. But for those of us who are like 'gendernauts', we _can_ talk to eacch other on the radio. We are like interstellar beings spending all out time between the stars. IDK, we are realistic holograms that are more realistic than our meatspace bodies. We are ourselves the most when we can escape the vibes of meat space binary tyranny.

 

....or something like that. Consider what people like us did before there were surgeries or HRT?

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Anthracite_Impreza
1 hour ago, NoelciMeta said:

See :P

Do what you can't! 

Although I do wish you can make things better gender-wise someday. At least making your body more comfortable to wear. I know my own case wouldn't be that bad with a less gendered body. 

If I'd been AMAB I would've been more comfortable because at least I'd get gendered correctly by default, but still. Imagination is almost always better than reality.

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9 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

If I'd been AMAB I would've been more comfortable because at least I'd get gendered correctly by default, but still. Imagination is almost always better than reality.

Imagination really is cool~ What would we be without it? It's a shame I'm so bad at lucid dreams. 

What mostly makes me sad is that I'll lose my imagination when I die. It's kind of a shame, but then meat life is no different. 

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Anthracite_Impreza
1 minute ago, NoelciMeta said:

What mostly makes me sad is that I'll lose my imagination when I die.

I don't like thinking about that.

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