Romantic feelings fade after I get to know the person..?

[Samcnut]

I'm Asexual (possibly Demi but whatever) and have started accepting myself as that, great! So I was kinda, okay, but I have also never really experienced anything really romantic, so what about my romantic orientation?

 

I think I'm weird, I don't really know what to classify this as or if this even has a word. As the title says, any romantic feelings I have towards somebody fade as I get to know them.

And by romantic feelings I mean like crushes and stuff, I have yet to have "fallen in love" with somebody.

 

So, example. When school started I didn't really know anybody and so started to slowly get into a friend circle. In this friend circle there was a girl (according to a random name generator this girl is called Bonnie). Bonnie is a nice girl, she is pretty and funny and smart and an all around great person to be around and so I kinda started to crush on her a bit. Not terribly much, crushes do happen once in a while for everyone I think (except Aromantics and similar of course). However as we get to know each other more and the months went on, I just kinda... stopped having a crush on Bonnie. We are close friends now so it isn't because we don't interact anymore. This isn't the first time this has happened, I can recall quite a few instances where I have felt this way, so what is going on?

 

It honestly seems really weird to me and don't know what to make of this.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Well, it's not that uncommon for crushes to carry feelings that go beyond the person. We all project an image on the other, but sometimes it either keeps on going and make the shift to the actual person, or can fade once we know more about them. I know one person who I had a crush on that it turned out wasn't like I felt, my feelings were beyond the actual person. But sometimes it actually helps carry the romance and you just love them more as you get to know them.

It's possible that you either haven't found someone that for you lets you carry of shift into more feelings for them, or that you just have a hard time feeling it for actual people. I've seen some around who have that to some degree.  There's different ways to go about it. But it's good that you can at least get close to someone. Sometimes even after crush fades, you can get close to someone and then just genuinely like them and want to get even closer, and it just becomes a softer love, not the sparkly crush-like feelings that were there at first.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Most crushes never lead to anything more, that's perfectly normal. I only really "fell in love" properly when I was 19/20.

[Rynn]

This could be perfectly normal, but it could also point to frayromanticism.

But yeah, I had never fallen in love at 18 yet either, and I did have a couple of crushes that never went anywhere.