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Can I be Ace if I'm Curious to Have Sex?


Plakillion

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(Some NFSW stuff warning)

 

I am a teenage girl and I am questioning whether I am asexual or not. [Full disclosure: I have spent my teenage years isolated from boys as I go to a single sex school]

 

I have been aroused in the past and have even watched porn to masturbate, but I have never felt sexual attraction to other people. Nevertheless, I am eager to try having sex (never done it before) because I am very curious about it, but when I fantasise I have never pictured doing it with another specific person, and cannot ever remember having any sexual fantasises about any specific people. I also rarely get horny.

 

I honestly have no idea if this is just a result of my isolation from boys my age (like suppression of desire), which I don't THINK it is, as many of my peers do not feel the same way, or if I might genuinely be ace. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

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Short answer: you absolutely can! 
I am super ace and when I first had sex I was the one to initiate it. Being asexual is only about a lack of sexual attraction and if you do choose to have sex you may find out that you want to do it again or that you never want to do it again, but it's irrelevant to whether you're asexual or not. Of course, I cannot tell you if you're asexual, but I think your observation about how your feelings are different from your peers in the same situation is definitely worth noting.

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Hi, I'm also a teen and I know what you mean about being curious. I realized I was ace not too long ago and I also have experienced arousal and even watch porn occasionally. Although some people who identify as asexual are repulsed by sex, there's also plenty of people who aren't because  libido isn't the same as experiencing sexual attraction. From your description, I'd say you're ace but it's ultimately your choice to identify with whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. Hope this helps :)

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Yes.  Curiosity about trying something isn't the same thing as actually knowing you want it.  Once/if you've sorted out your curiosity and you find out it's something you desire, then you might consider rebranding yourself.

 

It's worth pointing out that sex with just anyone can be a drastically different experience from sex with someone you actually love and are comfortable with, and could provide you with two drastically different outlooks on it.

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This sounds very similar to me as a teenager. I wanted to have sex, but not because I actually desired sex (I thought nobody desired it) - I was curious to know what sex was like and I wanted to fit in and participate in conversations about it. When I realised I am asexual, that interest went away. I am still a bit curious, but now I do not feel so much pressure to try, because I know I don't have to if I don't want to.

 

I think you can be curious about sex and still be asexual. You can experiment and see what you like (or do not like), and still be asexual. Or maybe you will realise you are not asexual, and that's okay too :)

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Janus the Fox

Isolation can feed curiosity yeah, and curiosity need not necessarily mean being sexual.

 

I was generally socially isolated as a child, is common with Autism the further down functionality that goes.  I was never curious until well into my adulthood, either due to isolation and/or a late puberty.  I was curious for gay sex and that was that, I got that fulfilled and still don’t have the sexual attraction for my long term partner.  Fulfilling curiosity didn’t change a thing for me.

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I spent a long time being curious about sex, and honestly until I actually lost my virginity it was virtually impossible for me or anybody else to tell I was asexual in any way, I'd say I was a fairly "regular" allosexual teenager until I actually went and did it, and it was pretty eye opening for me. I'm very confident in my asexuality now however, and I've identified key moments in my life where I thought I had been experiencing sexual attraction but wasn't actually, and although I'm sex neutral I wouldn't ever like to have sex again unless it was a necessary compromise in a relationship.

So yeah the curiosity is totally healthy, and you may end up being sex-positive anyway!

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