Questions about asexuality

[Anonymus]

Hey! So I am writer, trying to write an asexual or maybe demi-sexual or grey-sexual character. Like she's somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, and like you know she's in love because it's romantic plot and like before now the times she had experienced sexual attraction ( not that I know what that feels like) were very few, and mostly it was either like "cute guy, could date or talk or very rarely kiss" or with friends she's close to- she would want to kiss them or if she saw a beautiful girl she would maybe like you look at her breasts or her figure for a second and then shy away and I think that's more aesthetic attraction? Correct me if I am wrong please. But this was really rare and so so were the instances when she wanted to do something about it. Most of her crushes were like "get to know this person and be friends and then do something of a carnal nature maybe" and so she began to think she's asexual and most of the sexuality quizzes she took showed her as grey-sexual or demi-sexual. Like as I said, close friends were the only ones she wanted to kiss or just you know with random strangers she would very rarely wonder what kissing felt like and like what would happen if she did. here wasn't any attraction, it was plain curiosity. And then she turned twenty and met a guy and fell in love and suddenly she's thinking about doing things with him. Part of it is of course, despite him never asking for anything, there's this curiosity and this narrative and you know it's getting annoying and she's suddenly like why do I want to? I am asexual! And you know, it's less about any sort of attraction, but more about because she wants to feel close to him, share all that with him, and because it feels good physically sometimes. And she feels terrible because of this, like she's dirty, broken, a fraud, a charlatan, despite know desire, intimacy, and attraction are not the same thing. Plus she's all why I can't control this want? Am I weak? And then she talks to a gynacologist who tells her sexual desire and attraction might be subjective but after 20 most girls have a need for sexual release an that masturbation might help and when she does that, despite knowing, it's not wrong, she feels dirty, weak, broken, and her question "if not all girls feel this, why do I? Why can't I control it, do without it? It cannot be a need so why do I give into this want?" And when she says she does it like once a few months or so, everyone is like we do it way more and she feels even more confused and weird and freak-y and she's all this cannot be a need because if it was then people could be celibate or survive long distance relationships and she is judging herself for having this wants and giving into them and I was just wondering if this is an accurate portrayal of demi-sexuality? And like, what direction, would you all as fellow asexuals suggest I take this into? Sorry if this is too much rambling.