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Exploring Gender


OneConfusedBoi

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OneConfusedBoi

Not sure if this is the right place to post this topic, but here goes:

 

So I’m in the process of exploring my gender right now. Until a few months ago I identified as a cis-het female but now I know I’m aroace and most likely not 100% cis (looking at gender fluid or trans masculine). My problem is that my main friend group is made up of a variety of LGBTQ+ members. There’s nothing wrong with that, except one of them has continuously called me straight and basically said that I’m not “gay” enough and haven’t faced enough hardships to really fit in and be LGBTQ+. Because of her and another friend with a similar mindset, I’m scared to express myself around our friend group. My other friends are super supportive, but those two are kind of ringleaders and prominent in the Unity group at our school. I want to present as more masculine and dress moreso too, but I’m worried about how they may react and more importantly how they will change others’ opinions about me. They are quick to get offended and often call people homophobic for all kinds of (not always accurate) reasons. I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to deal with the situation and letting myself feel valid. Thanks!

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DolphinLover22

First of all, you don't have to be "gay" to be a part of the LGBTQ+ group. So whatever friends think that, they're treating you like any cis would that's against those of the LGBTQ+ group. That's not right. Everyone should be accepted for who they are. Everyone is different, but we're all human beings with feelings. If you're aroace, that's fine! That's who you are. You don't have to apologize for that. As for wanting to be more masculine, do it! It took me forever to be comfortable expressing myself the way I want, but once I did, there was a freedom like nothing I've known before. If they won't accept you for who you are, they're just as bad as those that mistreat and abuse those belonging to the LGBTQ+ group. I still haven't come out to my parents as ftm because I know they would never understand, so I get a little bit where you're coming from, but the most important thing to do is to be true to yourself. Don't let other's opinions get in the way of your happiness. Sorry for the long rant 😅 people like that just make me mad sometimes 😝

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OneConfusedBoi
5 hours ago, DolphinLover22 said:

First of all, you don't have to be "gay" to be a part of the LGBTQ+ group. So whatever friends think that, they're treating you like any cis would that's against those of the LGBTQ+ group. That's not right. Everyone should be accepted for who they are. Everyone is different, but we're all human beings with feelings. If you're aroace, that's fine! That's who you are. You don't have to apologize for that. As for wanting to be more masculine, do it! It took me forever to be comfortable expressing myself the way I want, but once I did, there was a freedom like nothing I've known before. If they won't accept you for who you are, they're just as bad as those that mistreat and abuse those belonging to the LGBTQ+ group. I still haven't come out to my parents as ftm because I know they would never understand, so I get a little bit where you're coming from, but the most important thing to do is to be true to yourself. Don't let other's opinions get in the way of your happiness. Sorry for the long rant 😅 people like that just make me mad sometimes 😝

Thanks! It’s nice to hear your encouragement! I’m trying to be more assertive and confident so it’s nice to hear some positive things!

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You don't have to have experienced any particular things or jump through hoops of fire to be "allowed" to be LGBTQ+! Anyone who says otherwise is not only wrong, but they're not a nice person, and not your friend! You probably still have to be friendly with them, if they are accepted as ring leaders and influencers in your group, but inside your mind and heart you need to detach from them, and see them as more like enemies you have to be polite to.

 

Transmasculine and genderfluid are not mutually exclusive; you can be both. If you want to present and dress masculine, though, transmasculine might be too weak of a term for you; have you considered demi-boy?

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