Help Explain this to me? My story:

[Fox97]

Hey everyone!

So I made a post on here back in August (please read my past post if you want to know even more of my story, hoping someone can relate at all) and just wanted to mentally dump what has been going on sexually for me and if anyone can provide insights. Long story short I am a gay (maybe demi, gray ace??) male that grew up very sexual, but slowly began to lose some of it due to shame, PTSD, and a general numbness maybe from depression. Anyways, I have entered my first relationship with a guy and things moved very slowly and we have been having sex now. I still, however, am so confused as to what my sexuality is.

I will sometimes literally just look at my boyfriend and be extremely turned on and just want to get us both naked, but I didn't feel this when I was first dating him. But here is where the real confusion lies, I'm uncertain as if my growing sexual desires is due to an emotional connection or through dealing with my depression and anxiety. Since I have started dating my boyfriend I have truly felt more like myself and freely gay and have become a much happier person. Since all of this though, I have noticed my sexual urges with some people coming back. The other day I was walking down the street and I saw this gorgeous guy and I got that gut almost adrenaline like feeling when I saw him and it was so weird to experience because I hadn't felt that since I was first becoming sad and realizing that I was attracted to men. These urges have kept coming though and I have experienced being horny again occasionally and porn has become even more interesting again (something that I was once very into). 

My biggest question now is am I truly ace? Demi? Gray? Or am I actually overcoming layers of depression and shame that was hiding my true sexuality? Please someone comment or offer insight, sorry for this novel of a post but it was kind of therapeutic to get that out there. 

Thanks for all the continued support ❤️ 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hey there Fox. I think there's a couple things to know. And one is that sometimes sexuality can be fluid. my own sexuality changed, and it's possible that some of it was just something deeper happening, or it could be partly because of some depressions too. Depression does affect sex drive, afterall, and if there was other negativity around these things, it can explain some of being non-sexual. Whether it's purely from that, or that you're just discovering how your sexuality is, it's ok either way, you're learning about yourself. It sounds like you may not be ace or even demi, since you're experiencing sexual attraction to some degree even beyond your boyfriend. You could still be in the gray area though, especially depending on how you feel about sex, still. But sexuality can be great as long as it feels good to you, so I hope that you can relax and enjoy what you do. It's good to hear that you're overcoming your depression too. I think I'm slowly overcoming mine as well, even if there's still some things I deal with. Anyway, sounds like things aren't bad And you have a relationship going ❤️

 

[wyrdwyrm]

Bearing in mind that only you can ultimately decide what definition best suits you...

 

...At a glance, I'd say that you're enthusiastically gay. ❤️  It sounds like your mental health (PTSD, shame, depression, anxiety) gave your brain a general system shutdown of your libido/attraction. Now that you're working through everything (possibly with the help of your current relationship), all your switches are getting flipped on again. Congratulations!

 

(If, over time, you feel like asexuality still seems to fit you, you might be gray ace, and you just happened to find the right combination of factors to jumpstart your system for the time being. Hard to say without a larger data set.  )

[crazy ace]

like @wyrdwyrm said, though only you can decide what you are, the fact that you're getting through your mental health problems is probably what lowered your sexual attraction. Considering that you stated that you felt happier with your boyfriend over time and that you had a higher rate of sexual attraction overall, I'd say that you're likely allosexual

[SithLord]

I'm not going to supply a label because only you can determine what you are and how you feel. I just wanted to say that sexuality is fluid. Someone can be sexual for years and then not be, or they can be asexual for years and then not be. Neither really matter since all that matters is how you feel now and whether you're happy with yourself and working towards what you want.