A shift in perspective, a subsequent discovery.

[Captain_Tass]

Here goes. I think that i'm a gender non-conforming woman, and not agender.

 

It feels a bit weird typing it out, I'm not going to lie. I've been saying i'm agender for over a year now, but so much has changed, and now i think that me being agender is simply not true. I have had so much trouble with my gender because I had no idea where social gender roles and expectations ended and personal experiences of gender began. During these past few days, I somehow realised that womanhood does not equal femininity (a misconception I didn't know I had), and that I can still be a woman without being feminine. I can be a woman in my own terms. And I realised that I do experience gender after all.

 

Yes, things are really shaky right now and I feel as if my whole worldview is torn to shreds, but now I can start anew and get to know myself better, both as a person and as a woman. There are no labels anymore, no way I'm expected to behave or feel. I'm just me, Zoë Hugo.

 

I don't feel guilty for having questioned my gender. I don't feel guilty for having misinterpreted my gender identity. I recognise that my experiences as a gnc woman in regards to my gender simply happened to align with the experiences of agender folks in regards to their lack of gender, and that was genuine. I just went with what felt right and natural at the time. And I'm going with what feels right and natural now. Labels are meant to be tools with which concepts, feelings and experiences are simply and accurately explain, they aren't meant to make people feel trapped. And that's why I'm taking my own advice, and seeing as I don't identify with a particular label anymore, I'm shedding it and moving on.

 

I really do feel that I have gained a deeper understanding of trans* identities and, as such, will always stand with the trans* community as an ally and as a friend.

 

I'd like to give a sincere "thank you" to AVEN for being a safe place for me to explore my gender identity. I felt like I owe everyone that update on my journey through gender identity, because I have talked about gender extensively on here.

[Memento1]

28 minutes ago, Life Of Tass said:

Labels are meant to be tools with which concepts, feelings and experiences are simply and accurately explain, they aren't meant to make people feel trapped.

Amen to that!  It took me a long time to realize ways in which I had trapped myself with my own labels, and I'm sure there's still labels I use that are limiting me even now that I'm not aware of.  Anyways, it gave me a sense of freedom, and I hope it does for you as well!

 

It is extremely difficult to distinguish innate feelings from deeply entrenched societal beliefs, especially in the realms of gender and sexuality.  I feel like it's a never-ending archaeological dig that I'm on, but at least now I'm having fun digging!

[CelesteAdAstra]

Congrats on finding out more about yourself! Sometimes we have to walk away from something only to find out that we always had what we were looking for 😊 

Tass stays Tass after all, no matter the pronouns 👍

[wyrdwyrm]

Congratulations!

[PoeciMeta]

I thought this would scare me. Honestly, I dunno. My agender state is kinda precious to me... 

But now that I think of it... I've been largely given the opportunity to be non-conforming. I've had the luck to be able to stand up to people who tried to direct me into gender roles. And that wasn't the problem. 

 

Thanks Tass for helping me see that. Congratulations, too. I'm glad you managed to get to know yourself more. It takes a lot of faith in yourself to accept you are any gender (especially if that gender is different than what you previously thought) and simultaneously that you don't conform to it, so yay for you! 🎉

(But don't forget, if things change again, as they do, and you find yourself changing your view on your gender again, you're totally welcome to come back to the nb world! ^^)