Jump to content
GermanFlo

Question about demisexuality and Gray-Ace

Recommended Posts

GermanFlo

Hi folks,

 

I have a question regarding demisexuality and being gray-ace. I think I might be somewhere between the two. I rarely experience sexual attraction, and if I do, it isn't strong enough to actually desire sexual activities with that person. But I think this might be different with a (female) person I am really, really close with. The thing is, I never was close enough to anyone for this to actually happen. But the idea of having someone I feel confident enough to do these things with actually isn't bad. So can I actually know that/if I am demisexual even if I never actually felt attracted to someone in that way? I can definitely relate to demisexuals when it comes to one night stands, having sex with someone you dated a few times etc. These things are certainly not going to happen for me (and I am happy about that). Porn, sexual content or naked bodies also don't do anything for me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Serran

Thing with demi is you dont really know til you find the person. I didn't want anything sexual until I was with my wife for 6 months - not even solo stuff. I had no libido at all. Then, it triggered for her and I am about average in sexual desire but only for her (at 30 years old, after four previous long term relationships). So, can't really say if you could be or not. 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MichaelTannock

I've moved this thread from "Questions about Asexuality" to "The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions".
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Snao Cone

A fairly large portion of the sexual population doesn't like one-night stands or sex after a few dates. But most of these people do feel a general sense of wanting to connect to people sexually, or feel a desire to express their emotions in a sexual way. It's just a matter of when they feel in the right space to do so. 

 

In your case, it sounds like you never really had enough of those feelings to ever want to incorporate it into your life, and felt like you were much closer to asexual than any other orientation. If that changes with this person you're very close with, that is pretty much textbook demisexuality. (Note that demisexuality isn't an orientation because it doesn't specify a direction, but it is a type of sexuality that people use as a label to explain their pattern of attraction/desire.) If your connection to this person doesn't open up any sexual feelings, then you might not be demisexual after all. You can't really know it's going to happen until it does, though you might have an inkling when the situation starts to unfold. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia

Yeah if you are demisexual, then it's kind of hard to know before it actually happens :P Not to say imagining can't offer 'some' marker, even if it isn't always accurate.


When I think of one night stands, I think I could enjoy being sensual with someone (because I'm a very sensual person), but as soon as they would start honing in on my private areas, I could get turned off very easily. I really need someone who knows me more and that I can be connected to for it to smoothly get sexual. And I don't fully know everything I feel. Some things we need more experience to know more fully. But it's nice to have a good idea for how we are in any case :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
questdrivencollie

Are the times you've experienced sexual attraction after forming a close bond with that person? If the answer is yes, then I'd just go with ace/grey ace, cuz you say you don't have any interest in actual sex with them.

If the answer is no, you could still be demi. Or you could just be a grey ace. And it is possible to be "somewhere between the two" in this case, imo, meaning you could be a demi who experiences very limited attraction without a bond--in that case you wouldn't be into sex without a deep bond. Labels may not describe us 100%, but if it helps you understand yourself better, then great!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia

For me, I consider myself demi, but I don't know if I see myself as sexual or not.  I think in my case the 'middle' placement is because I'm pretty sensual. I'm not actually interested in sex itself, even when I'm close to someone, at least I think, but if I'm with someone I love, I can want to be sensual to the point of wanting to share in more physical pleasure. In normal circumstances these days, sex by itself isn't very attractive. I want meaningful bonds.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Jarle

I always considered myself to be ace and sex-positive - I enjoy it and would happily engage in it within the context of a relationship, but never really felt any attraction or pull towards anyone. This changed fairly recently when I was house sitting with an aesthetically attractive friend of mine, and as we grew closer during that time I started to get more and more sexual thoughts and feelings running through my head, much to my own confusion. Took me a while to catch up and to realise that what I was feeling was sexual attraction for the first time in years, perhaps ever. 

 

We use labels to describe our identity and experiences, and there's no One True Way you can be ace or demi or grey (hell, there's no one right way to even spell gray!). If you feel like describing yourself as gray-ace or demisexual is the best way to convey your experiences, then go for it! From what you've posted it seems pretty accurate to me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...