Hi, anyone else?

[Winniethepooh]

I'm more of an involuntary celibate than an asexual but I hang out here since most asexuals live in celibacy. Sometimes I identify as demisexual. I WISH I was asexual.

 

I am female, 31 years old.

[appleseedy]

lol, your welcome whoever you are. I think that's the right reply

i identify as asexual but i also have a sex drive so i guess i'm an anomaly

 

Today however i'm sad as i have injured my foot and had to ask friends to deliver pain killers

 

 

[uhtred]

You say involuntary celibate?  Are you in a life time relationship with someone who is asexual, or is it a medical issue? 

[œddy]

I hope we aren't talking about the incel community, I get where and why the term started (from a lady as well) but it has morphed into this disgusting misogynist mass of awful men

I'm happily celibate on the other hand! Celibacy is a choice to not be sexual, so asexuality is different.

[brbdogsonfire]

On 12/13/2019 at 1:59 AM, Winniethepooh said:

I'm more of an involuntary celibate than an asexual but I hang out here since most asexuals live in celibacy. Sometimes I identify as demisexual. I WISH I was asexual.

 

I am female, 31 years old.

A single post from this user, and then no answer after claiming to be involuntarily celibate. 

 

I have a habit of reading deeply into groups I disagree with as I try and figure out what I'm missing that their group sees. I've seen many incels (involuntarily celibates which OP declared themselves so...) Claim asexuality doesn't exist and is just women using it as an excuse to not sleep with them. I wish I was joking here but this seems like a post to put the idea out there that celibacy and asexuality are the same. I'm cynical so I think this is an attempt to muddy the waters.

[œddy]

11 hours ago, brbdogsonfire said:

A single post from this user, and then no answer after claiming to be involuntarily celibate. 

 

I have a habit of reading deeply into groups I disagree with as I try and figure out what I'm missing that their group sees. I've seen many incels (involuntarily celibates which OP declared themselves so...) Claim asexuality doesn't exist and is just women using it as an excuse to not sleep with them. I wish I was joking here but this seems like a post to put the idea out there that celibacy and asexuality are the same. I'm cynical so I think this is an attempt to muddy the waters.

Which is why the term is a damn dogwhistle and I have to clarify it every time I see it. I'm sure there may still be honest people using the term out there who aren't aware of the mess the community became.

[brbdogsonfire]

6 hours ago, œddy said:

Which is why the term is a damn dogwhistle and I have to clarify it every time I see it. I'm sure there may still be honest people using the term out there who aren't aware of the mess the community became.

Ya it's really to bad. Stay strong and don't let anyone tell you what you are!

[uhtred]

It is too bad that the incel crowd has contaminated the idea. 

 

There is a real problem of people who find themselves feeling trapped in a sexless relationship and feel that they were tricked into it.  There is another thread from a woman who's husband pretended to enjoy sex until they were married.  Sometimes the pretense continues until the woman gets pregnant. 

[glyders]

I really wish it hadn't been corrupted. Initially it was a lovely supportive thing for people who for whatever reason couldn't find a sexual partner. Many were single mums, people living in remote areas, carers, etc. whose circumstances made it impossible. Then there were people with mental or physical disabilities or disfigurements - I'd fit in there as an Aspie.

[Philip027]

Hot take:

 

I don't buy most cases of involuntary celibacy, even the "uncorrupted" version of it.

 

This world is saturated enough in sex and horndogs and debauchery that pretty much anyone who actually really wanted to have sex... can do it.  They might have to go a bit out of their way, give something up, lower their standards, or go about sex in a less "traditional" way, but I don't view any of that as the same thing as literally being unable to have sex but still wishing they could.  The way I see it, very very few people actually fit into this camp, and only these people could honestly make an involuntary celibacy claim.  The vast majority of the rest of the people claiming it simply aren't trying hard enough.

 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Quote

Then there were people with mental or physical disabilities or disfigurements - I'd fit in there as an Aspie.

Even these aren't as debilitating as many people make them out to be.  Stephen Hawking was able to have sex and even produce children.  What's your excuse?

[œddy]

On 12/28/2019 at 6:24 PM, Philip027 said:

Hot take

 

No shit, but the original focus of the movement was not purely about being unable to get the sex

It was for people who are in situations where they want to be in a relationship, but found it difficult for medical, societal, circumstantial or whatever reasons.

Its got taken over by people who think they 'deserve' sex for reasons that are usually to do with misogyny and impossibly high standards that society is a bit shit for drilling into us all

 

So it was probably a bad term from the beginning, but don't tar everyone with the same brush or be so flippant about it

I never identified with it, but I can see how people can be upset at not achieving what they want or think they must want due to societal pressure and that everyone else seems to have

 

[Philip027]

Quote

No shit, but the original focus of the movement was not purely about being unable to get the sex

It was for people who are in situations where they want to be in a relationship, but found it difficult for medical, societal, circumstantial or whatever reasons.

Please read more carefully:

I don't buy most cases of involuntary celibacy, even the "uncorrupted" version of it.

 

Quote

So it was probably a bad term from the beginning

Thanks for more or less agreeing with the point I made, then.  What are you getting so "flippant" about?

[œddy]

The way I read your original post was that it concluded that anyone who wants a relationship but who is having trouble with this has too high standards.

Just came across as crass to me and hit home a little to my 20s, sorry if my post was uncivil.

[Philip027]

Quote

The way I read your original post was that it concluded that anyone who wants a relationship but who is having trouble with this has too high standards.

I wasn't talking about a relationship, I was talking about sex.  Since... that's generally what celibacy refers to.

 

As for the standards bit, yes, I even said above that some people might have standards that are too high.  That isn't a free pass to complaining about how you can't get laid.  You most likely still could; it's just... your standards might be too high, or one of the other such excuses I mentioned above.

 

Basically, my point is that if more of these people spent more time actually trying to get laid instead of bitching and moaning about all the reasons they supposedly can't, a lot of them would be able to, because that is the way the world works.  Sex isn't a hard thing to get; it's everywhere, and people far uglier than you (general "you") are still getting laid on a regular basis.

[Guest]

42 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

I wasn't talking about a relationship, I was talking about sex.  Since... that's generally what celibacy refers to.

 

As for the standards bit, yes, I even said above that some people might have standards that are too high.  That isn't a free pass to complaining about how you can't get laid.  You most likely still could; it's just... your standards might be too high, or one of the other such excuses I mentioned above.

 

Basically, my point is that if more of these people spent more time actually trying to get laid instead of bitching and moaning about all the reasons they supposedly can't, a lot of them would be able to, because that is the way the world works.  Sex isn't a hard thing to get; it's everywhere, and people far uglier than you (general "you") are still getting laid on a regular basis.

Yeah it isn't so much cant get sex as cant get sex with who I want sex with. Which... isn't involuntary. If you ask 300 people in a bar someone is likely to say yes eventually. And lonely craigslist ads and such exist. Even prostitution if you're desperate. Sex is never really unattainable. It's just sex with people they are attracted to may be, or they might have to risk their relationship to get it. But it is voluntary to not seek it out somewhere it is available.