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krystal<3

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Well hi :)

It's normal to be a little anxious about it all, especially when you like someone. It's ok. Just relax if you can :) Are you sure you're demiromantic? Usually that would mean you'd need to get to know him and get closer to him before you have feelings for him. But it doesn't matter. As for your lack of gender, I don't think it matters too much in these cases. He might be more than just straight and doesn't fully know it :P But to him it might come to the same anyway since you don't plan to change your body. Men can be attracted to masculine girls. You said you have femininity too though, so shouldn't matter too much.

Like a lot of things, it'd be better if you don't worry too much about what others say, you can't limit yourself just based on others, they'll find anything to gossip about, when you might not even try. You dont know whether if it can work out or not with him, you have to be prepared to just try without too many expectations. (having hopes is normal though, of course).
Personally, I don't think it's a good approach to say you have feelings for them if they aren't a little closer (like closer to being friends), but it's very normal to ask someone on a date. He might be surprised, but it might be pleasant surprise too, you dont know. It'd be best in a time where you have the chance to talk to him without too many distractions around. Maybe that could take to ask him for some time to talk to him, depends how you'd like to go about it. You could also just talk to him more often and be more friendly, and wait until you feel more comfortable to do it. But yeah it also can be worth trying for it if you don't want to waste too much time or something.

Anyway, I don't know all the best advice, but that's the best I can think right off the bat.
Be true to yourself and follow your heart ❤️

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3 minutes ago, krystal<3 said:

Thanks for your response - I really appreciate it! 

We have known each other for a few years at this point and are friends. :)

So for people to go on a date, do they not need to both have feelings for each other? Also, would it be a better approach to talk to our mutual friends about it and see if they can offer any insight into his feelings?

Oh ok. No you don't need to have feelings for each other to go on a date. Some people just are interested and then the date is what makes them spend time alone together and see how they feel about each other, if something could spark. It definitely helps a lot to have feelings for each other though! :D That's the best case scenarios, and it feels really good being together since you like each other already.

I don't know about the mutual friend, what would you get from it? They'd know you have feelings for him then. Although that's not necessarily a bad thing, sometimes friends might coax thing along. Sometimes that's good, sometimes it isn't, if they're being pushy or something. If there's a friend you trust, you might be able to get some insight, but it could be worth just talking more with him (the one you like) too, unless you don't want to reveal how you feel to him right away. Personally I would just talk to him. You just have to be prepared that he may not have thought about it. If he likes you though, that's pretty rad :)

Sometimes things don't go like we think they will, so you just have to be prepared for whatever, and if you're willing to dare, most of the time you gain more than if you do nothing. (cuz then nothing happens :P)


There's no 'right' answer, but that's ok, life can be like that. Just remember to be happy, and then go with what makes sense to you. That's the most I can think to say :D
❤️

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Asking a friend is good for if you want to gauge their interest without addressing it with them directly. It's common for teenagers and young adults and those of us who are pretty shy or socially inept (this was a dig at me but if someone finds it offensive I'll edit it). 

 

I think the big thing seems to be your dislike of being perceived as a girl. Does he know you prefer not to be seen and treated like one? Do you think him being "straight" would matter to you? 

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1 hour ago, krystal<3 said:

I also really don’t understand how this whole dating thing works. Do both people have to like each other at the same time to begin dating, or is it something that is more approached with an open mind?

The possibility of asynchronous declarations of romantic intent is theoretically viable, but not often used in practice.  Instead, most people try to gauge how the other is feeling.  This leads to the ethically questionable behavior of hiding behind plausible deniability.

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16 minutes ago, krystal<3 said:

Lol. Well at the very least the Mutual Friend would be proud of me that I think someone is cute XD I dunno. It might accomplish absolutely nothing and just add unnecessary drama.

 

I feel like it would be better to hint at it to him than directly talk to him? I'm not sure how to do that though. I am socially inept!

I mean, you could try in the meantime, and see if he clues in or wonders about it and asks you what's up. At some point I would talk to him directly though, especially if he doesn't quite get it. It really comes down to trying to be at peace with yourself while still looking for opportunities. It doesn't help to worry too much, it's better if you're just yourself and honest at least with yourself, and you might find sometimes you feel like laying out a bit of something, whether it's a compliment, or a hug, or whatever you feel like, or hints like you're talking about. If that doesn't work, muster up the courage to ask more directly :)

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35 minutes ago, SithGrinch said:

I think the big thing seems to be your dislike of being perceived as a girl. Does he know you prefer not to be seen and treated like one? Do you think him being "straight" would matter to you? 

No, he is not aware of that. It's not a secret or anything, but I do typically use she / her pronouns so it's not like there is any reason for people to think I don't identify as female unless I explicitly tell them, and I don't go out of my way to tell people very often. I don't see why it would matter that he is straight, in theory, if we are attracted to each other (which we probably aren't). I don't know why it's so strange that I am attracted to a straight guy, other than I guess that I feel like I'd be deceiving him because I'm not really female.

 

I also think he thinks I am a lesbian because I have gone to gay bars and I jokingly call my LBGTQ+ history course "gay class". Idk, if I were him, I'd think I was hella gay! And I'm sure he does! Lol :(

 

35 minutes ago, SithGrinch said:

Asking a friend is good for if you want to gauge their interest without addressing it with them directly. It's common for teenagers and young adults and those of us who are pretty shy or socially inept (this was a dig at me but if someone finds it offensive I'll edit it). 

 

I would probably feel less uncomfortable talking to our friend about this. Honestly she would probably be shocked by this but enthusiastic to help me!

 

20 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I mean, you could try in the meantime, and see if he clues in or wonders about it and asks you what's up. At some point I would talk to him directly though, especially if he doesn't quite get it. It really comes down to trying to be at peace with yourself while still looking for opportunities. It doesn't help to worry too much, it's better if you're just yourself and honest at least with yourself, and you might find sometimes you feel like laying out a bit of something, whether it's a compliment, or a hug, or whatever you feel like, or hints like you're talking about. If that doesn't work, muster up the courage to ask more directly :)

 

Good idea, thanks!

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12 minutes ago, krystal<3 said:

No, he is not aware of that. It's not a secret or anything, but I do typically use she / her pronouns so it's not like there is any reason for people to think I don't identify as female unless I explicitly tell them, and I don't go out of my way to tell people very often. I don't see why it would matter that he is straight, in theory, if we are attracted to each other (which we probably aren't). I don't know why it's so strange that I am attracted to a straight guy, other than I guess that I feel like I'd be deceiving him because I'm not really female.

 

I also think he thinks I am a lesbian because I have gone to gay bars and I jokingly call my LBGTQ+ history course "gay class". Idk, if I were him, I'd think I was hella gay! And I'm sure he does! Lol :(

 

 

I would probably feel less uncomfortable talking to our friend about this. Honestly she would probably be shocked by this but enthusiastic to help me!

 

 

Good idea, thanks!

He might not think that you're a lesbian,.. but if you'd take the slow approach, it could maybe be something you happen to say or slip at some point (that you're not lesbian, or that you're bi, if that's what you are). just another idea :P

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I also don’t use any labels in terms of gender or sexuality because nothing feels quite right, but honestly, maybe it would be easier for everyone if I was very clear about being pansexual and non-binary. I’m so rarely attracted to anyone that “pansexual” seems like a hilarious joke, and saying demi-pansexual is kind of a mouthful. Plus since he’s straight, I might also need to explain pansexuality anyway… maybe I should just say I’m bi and call it a day. 

 

I may have told quite a few people that I am a lesbian when I was really just confused 🙈 it's weird being demi-everything. I just happened to not like any guys for a decent number of years, so I thought that I outgrew all of my straightness. Haha. I've also told some people that I am ace, others that I'm not at all ace, and some people that I am non-binary. I don't know who has heard what, but I am a queer mess!

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Welcome! Well why not start a discussion on it then? If he’s not aware of your gender identity / sexuality why not start up a conversation with him on different sexualities and gender identities with him and slip in your own identities as a reference. That way not only do you get the chance to explain to him that you are interested in males (and he has a chance) but you can also see his opinions on your identities and how supportive he would be alas a partner. You don’t have to start with your own, but if he’s responding positively to what you’re talking about then it’s a good opportunity to bring it up ;) 

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