How to masturbate

[Prisma]

I currently have a boyfriend and we have sex. 

I really enjoy making him enjoy, but the physical sensation is overwhelming for me so I can't really enjoy it. 

I've been told masturbating can help me learn how to enjoy stimuli on my vagina, but so far when I touch myself it's just like rubbing some skin - there's nothing special about it, for better or worse.

 

I have been told I need to "get in the mood", but... How do I do that?

I have no libido, and the only thing that sort of turns me on is giving sexual pleasure to my boyfriend (sort of because the effect is physical, it doesn't change the way I think or feel emotionally).

 

So, how would you recommend other asexual to try enjoying masturbation/sex?

[cupid69]

My asexual SO has no libido either so I'm unable to give you an answer. Have you told him who you are? It's common that asexuality goes hand in hand with little or no libido so there is little you can do. Some people are born with the full ingredients and others don't so it's the luck of the draw really. Perhaps watching porn together may help?

[Prisma]

My boyfriend knows I'm asexual, if that's what you mean. I've heard before of cases of asexuals actually enjoying sex or at least masturbation, so I figured I should check out if I can too.

I know success is not garunteed

[Ennis]

Here's an Asexual's Guide to Masturbation for you: http://www.asexualityarchive.com/an-asexuals-guide-to-masturbation/

[Guest]

I never enjoyed either until I was into someone sexually. The ones that can enjoy masturbation have a libido. Without that, it is going to be difficult or impossible. 

[Yeast]

Although I've never had sex, I have a libido which gets hungry about as often as I do. Pornography is what I feed it and it seems to especially like the sorts in which the actor masturbates and encourages the audience to do the same.  I suppose the verbal element is what really flips my switch.  There is a sort of beautiful intimacy here in the sense that someone you will never know is kind enough to want to share their pleasure with you.  Immediate sexual gratification is probably easier for men.  Everything is right at hand (sic). I just have to grab it. Either hand will do... You seem to have to find where yours exists. We both began life virtually identical in terms of our genitals. I developed something called a prostate gland. You seem to have a "G" spot. Both are quite sensitive to stimulation and you have the advantage of a dedicated sexual orifice.  I have just a penis and a prostate if I want to go to the trouble to access it. As most of your erogenous zones are internal, it opens many opportunities for exploration. Your clitoris is just the tip of an iceberg you ought to investigate.  Better yet, verbally encourage your partner to do so. Genitals are beautiful. They can't talk, but you can talk for them. Once again, you have the advantage of being able to have a non-virtual discussion. Use it. Regarding sexual pleasure, all a man really has is a single blasting cap.  A woman has an entire fireworks display if she can manage to access it.  I wish you and your partner a wondrous adventure of sensual, sexual self discovery. 

 

BTW : there's more than just the iceberg. Your mouth is also a sex organ as are your breasts, neck and ear lobes. Let's not forget the sex organ our ancient vertebrate ancestors had - an anus. It still actually works after 300 million years of evolution. Maybe it might be best to start exploring your body as a whole instead of just concentrating on your genitals. Happy hunting!

[Philip027]

I'm pretty much the same as the OP.  Nothing actually "works" unless I'm in a sexual scenario with my partner.  Any other time, I may as well be touching my arm or something.

 

I don't think there's any real way around it.  That's just part of being nonlibidoist (or at least something real close to that, anyway)

[Prisma]

I wonder about the whole porn thing. Visually, in my opinion at least, sex organs and sex are pretty gross. Mine and my boyfriend's is bad enough, why would watching someone else feel good?

[Liminal]

I’m also a lady, and I masturbated regularly and learned how to enjoy it and to orgasm after not being interested initially. So for me at least, it was possible to acquire this skill. When I first started, the only thing that worked for me was water directly to the clit. I used a detachable shower head with a jet setting. 

 

Breathing exercises can help, and anything else that gets you relaxed. hot baths help for me. Sometimes using candles, music, or wearing particular clothing can get me in the mood. 

 

Also, a lot of aces have a non-sexual interest in kinks. I have one, and as I got to know my body better it actually translated really well into a sexual situation. So fics and art of my kink can work wonders for me. (No porn or photos for me, looking at real genitals is not my favorite.)

 

Everyone  is different, but maybe some of these ideas will be worth trying for you? In any case, wanted to send you support from someone who has been there.