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LittleSwirls

Greetings From a Struggling Gray-Ace

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LittleSwirls

Sup everyone. 

 

I made this account sometime last year, but never actually introduced myself. I initially joined while frustrated and struggling with my sexuality. I wanted to look for answers and have discussions and figure shit out. But I don't think I was in a good place for that kind of thing at the time, and now I feel like I'm in a better position to explore who the heck I am and what not.

 

That being said: My name's Cora, but I also go by Petite or Swirls. I'm 24 (a fact I always need to double check) and I just graduated from my 2nd degree earlier this year. I LOVE reading (fantasy mostly), dancing, painting and watching documentaries/learning.

 

I have identified as Gray-Ace for about ... 5 years now I think, although I still haven't come completely to terms with it. As a very touchy-feely person, and someone who craves companionship that is more consistant/frequent than frienship, I feel that being ace holds me back sometimes. I'm still on the journey to self-acceptance so hopefully this forum will help me sort some things out.

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aces&eights

Welcome to Aven!

I love reading fantasy too! What's your fav books?

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Yoruka

Welcome to AVEN, though you've been hanging here for longer than me, I guess! I'd like to address that (as a relationship anarchist - odd name, I know) intimacy can be within any sort of relationship. Being a gray-ace should never hold you back from showing your affection for people - as long as they're comfortable with all the closeness. You can kiss,

cuddle and do all you like and it won't change anything. Hope this helps.

 

cake-1.jpg

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Sarah-Sylvia

Hiya :)

I'm very touchy-feely too :D
I just figure, that's the most important for me on the physical side of a relationship, so I just need to look for that most. Sometimes you just have to accept if something, or someone, is compatible or not, and if not, it's too bad, but you move on. You just have to believe, there's some pretty caring people out there sometimes. That can either be ok with it, or are less sexual themselves. Even if there's more sexual people.  It's a little easier in my case since I'm demi, but still, I believe in you :)

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Lichley

Welcome! Yeah fantasy is really great, any favourites? :) 

Dragon-Cake-Ideas.jpg

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LittleSwirls

@aces&eights @Lichley

 

I'll basically read anything from Sanderson. I loved The Lies of Locke Lamora, and I'm enjoying the lore and tinfoil theories involved in the King Killer Chronicles. I'm currently working my way through the first Malazan .... and whew ... I need to start taking notes at some point. I'm always down for recs if you have any!

 

(also dragon cake, YES!)

 

@Yoruka

 

Thank you for the wonderful cake! You could say .... it looks succulent ;)

(not sorry)

I'm familiar with relationship anarchy! One of my closest friends falls along those lines as well. Lol, don't be worried about my holding back! I'm a serial cuddler and my nickname is 'sticker' because my hugs are basically a long-term commitment.

Most of my frustration stems from desiring the idea of sex, but not being down for it at all in practice. I don't know whether to chalk that too media influence/pressure, biological hijinks, or what, but it's confusing as hell to have such contradictory thoughts. I describe it as an annoying itch I can't stand to scratch.

That and also desiring companionship (committed/queer platonic??), but I don't think that's a super common relationship that other people are also looking for. Huh .... I think I'd also be cool with an open relationship where they would be free to satiate those needs elsewhere

 

@Sarah-Sylvia

 

Nice! Hugs are unbeatable imho. I need to develop a better ace-dar .... or just deck myself out with enough pins to communicate what's up? I need to find my people! (yo is there a secret handshake/catchphrase?)

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Sarah-Sylvia
7 hours ago, littleswirls said:

@aces&eights @Lichley

 

I'll basically read anything from Sanderson. I loved The Lies of Locke Lamora, and I'm enjoying the lore and tinfoil theories involved in the King Killer Chronicles. I'm currently working my way through the first Malazan .... and whew ... I need to start taking notes at some point. I'm always down for recs if you have any!

 

(also dragon cake, YES!)

 

@Yoruka

 

Thank you for the wonderful cake! You could say .... it looks succulent ;)

(not sorry)

I'm familiar with relationship anarchy! One of my closest friends falls along those lines as well. Lol, don't be worried about my holding back! I'm a serial cuddler and my nickname is 'sticker' because my hugs are basically a long-term commitment.

Most of my frustration stems from desiring the idea of sex, but not being down for it at all in practice. I don't know whether to chalk that too media influence/pressure, biological hijinks, or what, but it's confusing as hell to have such contradictory thoughts. I describe it as an annoying itch I can't stand to scratch.

That and also desiring companionship (committed/queer platonic??), but I don't think that's a super common relationship that other people are also looking for. Huh .... I think I'd also be cool with an open relationship where they would be free to satiate those needs elsewhere

 

@Sarah-Sylvia

 

Nice! Hugs are unbeatable imho. I need to develop a better ace-dar .... or just deck myself out with enough pins to communicate what's up? I need to find my people! (yo is there a secret handshake/catchphrase?)

That's nice :) I love hugs, I love cudding. So much. I love to caress and huggle too though, that's something I really like to do ❤️
Unfortunately, I don't know of any way to pick up on it, except maybe when someone's super friendly and likes to hug as well, might be an indicator of something? I don't know. There's some aces that just kind of happen to find each other, not even really knowing the other was as well. You just gotta meet people I suppose. And there's no reason to give up. And in the meantime hug those you can :D 

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Lichley
12 hours ago, littleswirls said:

I'll basically read anything from Sanderson. I loved The Lies of Locke Lamora, and I'm enjoying the lore and tinfoil theories involved in the King Killer Chronicles. I'm currently working my way through the first Malazan .... and whew ... I need to start taking notes at some point. I'm always down for recs if you have any!

I do have a recommendation, but it’s a sci-fi not a fantasy. Having said that it’s got a really amazing action-filled plot that’s really well thought out and I love it. It’s what got me into sci-fi :) 

Asimov’s Foundation series. It’s quite a complex series, but my goodness is it a good read. The plot twists are amazing and unpredictable, and yet you can look back at them with amazing clarity. The story or rather stories are full of twists and turns that all interconnect amazingly. I absolutely adore the series.

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LittleSwirls
11 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Unfortunately, I don't know of any way to pick up on it, except maybe when someone's super friendly and likes to hug as well, might be an indicator of something? I don't know. There's some aces that just kind of happen to find each other, not even really knowing the other was as well. You just gotta meet people I suppose. And there's no reason to give up. And in the meantime hug those you can :D 

I like the way you think!
I'm lucky to have friends that will let me hug them whenever I need it, it's a super energy booster! Yeah, I agree, I should probably get out there a little more. I used to live in a small university town with a queer populetion of like 5, but I have a lot better odds in my hometown of coming across some fine folks.

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LittleSwirls
11 hours ago, Lichley said:

Asimov’s Foundation series. It’s quite a complex series, but my goodness is it a good read. The plot twists are amazing and unpredictable, and yet you can look back at them with amazing clarity. The story or rather stories are full of twists and turns that all interconnect amazingly. I absolutely adore the series.

My god, that sounds right up my alley. I have only read like 1-2 other sci-fi books, but I'm a big fan of  giving books a chance so I'll definitly give it a try and add it to my goodreads list!

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