Relationship Advice

[dmw115]

Hello! I was wondering if someone can offer some advice on how to go about dating someone else. I've been ace for years now, never had any interest in anyone whatsoever, and those I have liked aesthetically were fleetingly here and gone. The most I've had was a couple of squishes who I love to be around but that's the extent really. Honestly I'm still not that interested in relationships overall.

However, there has been a guy who honestly seems interested in pursing a relationship with me. We've sat down and I've talked to him about being ace and how it it'll be slightly awkward pacing due to it being an unknown situation to me (I've never dated anyone before) and I've told him that the more physical aspects of a relationship are difficult. I'm not exactly touch repulsed, but it's hard for me to get too touchy with anyone, even my parents. He says he understands and always asks how I am, if I'm comfortable, and doesn't want to push too much, which is great and I want to do more for him. 

This wasn't easy for me to do but I've slowly been able to move passed the initial feeling of wanting to constantly pulled back when it comes to kissing. He wants to do more physical things but still doesn't want to push and I don't know how to go about overcoming the more physical aspects of a relationship. Especially since I don't feel any of the same attraction to get closer physically. I do like him, we get along, and he's very considerate. I like him more in an emotional and mental way than a physical one. I want to make him happy but I'm not sure how to go about it when I'm uncomfortable in my own skin around others (this includes everyone, not just him). I have suggested an open relationship so that he can do more physical things with someone else but he's adamant about it only being with me. Which is nice but at the same time, like there's more pressure on me to preform which isn't his intention. We talk a lot about how I feel and how he feels so it's not necessary a lack of communication that's going on. He's trying and I want to as well, but I feel like I'm not doing enough for him. Which I've also told him about and he feels guilty for pushing me afterwards (he's not really) which in turn makes me feel guilty because I should be doing more. How have those of you in a partnership compromised?

[Guest]

I think it's important to establish that it's no ones fault and simply and incapability if either of you are not able to meet each others needs. Not to mention to know when to step out when it's clearly not working out. With that out of the way it really is neither of your guy's fault. Really all I can say is resolve these insecurities and find where you are with one another.

[SithLord]

I want to first say that it's not your fault if you end up being incompatible. Plenty of relationships don't work out without it being anyone's fault, and finding such a compromise in a mixed relationship is difficult.

 

In my relationship, the sexual touching was harder than the normal physical signs of affection, though those didn't come easily to me either. Kissing was funny because I'm not big on making-out, but he talked to me about it and we actually had to talk about the number of times and how it works and everything because my brain is pretty weird like that. Still hate the feeling of wet lips and pull away after a relatively short time, but I had to force myself and he had to deal with me being awkward and uncomfortable until it became better. 

 

But anything more and I'd be getting explicit. I'm not sure where you want help with. If it's hand holding, kissing, petting, or straight into the nasty business. 

[dmw115]

We've held hands and kissed some. He wants to move to the make-out stage but it's hard for me to get into it. Maybe with more time, but it's not something I look forward to. He does want to have sex eventually but he's not pushing for it and says that he's fine with waiting. I know that he's disappointed at the slower pace though, even if he says otherwise. He has an expressive face and I can tell when the conversations don't go exactly where he wants them too.