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ArtemisTheAce

Does anyone else feel this?

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ArtemisTheAce

So I identify as asexual, and I have since my mom brought it up to me when I was 12, but there are of course times I doubt myself. I have a friend on Quotev that I do talk to because they are also ace and they help me figure out things and stuff, but I do have one main question.

Last year I started having a crush on one of my best friends who I always knew liked me back, and after a while our friendship becoming stronger and lots of hanging out, I figured that when we were older, I would be up to having sex with him. Its not that I wanted to have sex with him , it was that if he wanted to, I would be okay with that. And I was wondering if that meant I was demisexual or if this a normal thing with aces. Because, you see, I`m more sex neutral to negative and sex just seems so gross and uninteresting, but with him, it was more like I was sex positive for him. Not that I was sexually attracted but more sexually open.

Also! I have been suspecting I may be demiromantic, because whenever someone tells me they like me and I barely know them, I panic and assume they want to be in a relationship even though I just met them. And I do find that I can be attracted romantically to my friends a lot more than just strangers. But I also find lots of people cute and aesthetically attractive, does that still make me demiromantic? 

One more thing, I know this is a long post, but I have considered myself mainly biromantic, but I feel that if a guy wanted to have sex, I`d be a bit more up to that than having sex with a girl. And I feel bad for sayin I`m bi its just I would totally be in a romantic/slightly platonic relationship with a girl, but some girls I`m just not attracted to at all in any way. So I might be heteroromantic. Idk, anybody got any advice or help?

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appleseedy

i sort of feel the same way. 

 

i have some failed one night stands that i used to blame on brewers droop. Once i get to know someone and started sharing stories i can "click" with them. After that anything goes really. I like to please my partner but there's still plenty of sexual stuff that just doesn't work. Anyway for me Romance and intimacy come along way before sex. As to what you are? I'm new to this too but if i identify with something i just go with it

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Irony-flower

First of all wow you knew when you where 12. I so wish I would have known then.

You asked if finding people aesthetically attractive means you can't be demiromantic. I personally identify as aromatic asexualand still find people cut. I just don't want to be in an relationship with them or have sex with them. As far as I know demiromantic means that you can crush on people if you have an emotional bond with them. 

So yes that could mean that you are demiromantic.

About the sex part. What makes you feel like you could have sex with him? Is it that you do trust him about it?

I don't feel like this has to mean that you are not asexual. You still don't want to have sex.

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ArtemisTheAce

It could totally be that I did trust him enough! I didn`t think about that

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BeeCow891

Finding someone attractive doesn't mean you can't be demiromantic, lots of people are good-looking but that doesn't mean you wanna date them. For example I find a lot of the Avengers cast (male/female/etc) attractive, but I wouldn't date them, there's no connection to make me even think to date them. As for someone telling you that they like you but you panic about the idea of dating them, I just recently had an experience like that. A friend of a friend straight up wanted to date me, but Idk them and I still haven't talked to them enough to make a solid connection so I told him "hey, like no, i need to be friends first and even then it still might not go anywhere."

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Sarah-Sylvia

Hi @ArtemisTheAce ;)

I think that it may take you a bit more to understand how you feel. There's a few things that stick out to me, and make me wonder. Personally I think 12 is way too young for someone to know if they're asexual or not, puberty hasn't even truly gone on then.

 

1 hour ago, ArtemisTheAce said:

 but some girls I`m just not attracted to at all in any way. So I might be heteroromantic. Idk, anybody got any advice or help?


I don't really understand this. Did you think you need to be attracted to all girls? No one is attracted to everyone in a gender, and I would say any amount we'd bring up would be pushing it. For some they may only be attracted to like 1% of people they see or less. They can still be attracted, so it counts.

Definitely being open to sex doesn't count as sexual attraction, but you could also be demisexual to some degree, if it has a chance to grow and you come to like sexuality in some way. I enjoy it when it feels like affection, not just repetitive rubbing to feel pleasure. (and if I really like the person)
It's definitely also normal for someone bi to feel differently about each gender, I do myself. I'm not sure what kind of attraction you feel to girls (or even the boys), but yeah if it's aesthetic attraction, it doesn't mean you're not demiromantic. It would be ok if you're romantically attracted too :P

I'll end my post there for now.

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Philip027
Quote

Last year I started having a crush on one of my best friends who I always knew liked me back, and after a while our friendship becoming stronger and lots of hanging out, I figured that when we were older, I would be up to having sex with him. Its not that I wanted to have sex with him , it was that if he wanted to, I would be okay with that. And I was wondering if that meant I was demisexual or if this a normal thing with aces. Because, you see, I`m more sex neutral to negative and sex just seems so gross and uninteresting, but with him, it was more like I was sex positive for him. Not that I was sexually attracted but more sexually open.

It is an ace thing, yes.  Being okay with something happening is not the same thing as outright desiring it to happen; it's the latter that would put you more into the (demi)sexual category.  Aces aren't required to dislike sex, and some can potentially even find it enjoyable.  Comfort level with the other person can matter a lot, for sexuals and aces alike.

 

Also, being biromantic/bisexual does not necessarily mean that you're attracted to both sexes equally.  In fact, most bi people probably aren't.

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