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Rune_Weaver

Am I overthinking it all?

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Rune_Weaver

Ok, so lately I've been doing a lot of questioning myself and who I am and such. I'm working on discovering myself again because I lost myself a long the way. This year has been full of discoveries, turns out I'm asexual and aromantic (maybe slightly demi/gray on those but I'm more comfortable with aro/ace). However... gender is like, a what? So I'm AFAB and never have felt "not a girl" I guess? I'm not a girly girl and I'm not a tomboy. BUT I also really really don't like my entire reproductive system. Like, I would gladly not have any of it... but my chest I'm fine with... so I can't tell if this is a "part of being ace" since sex ranges from boring af to gross and "eww don't touch me with that thing" or if this is actually a gender identity thing... 

 

Can anybody relate to this? Am I just overthinking the whole thing? Am I being a "special snowflake" and am just cis? 

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PoeciMeta

Nah, it's not overthinking. It can be reeeaaally hard to differentiate between sex repulsion and gender dysphoria. I wonder about it myself. Currently, I think I'm an agender aroace, and anything sexual is repulsive to me, including secondary sex characteristics (like I'm absolutely not okay with my chest) but I confess I'm afraid I might be imagining at least a part of it... like, if I'm trans, maybe my dear asexuality will go away when I finally feel like my body is mine (and I don't want that to happen. At all.) and, maybe I'm demi, and if I do end up finding ''the right person'' despite being so socially awkward then I'd learn to accept my body... It's hard. I think I have myself figured out at last, but the doubt never truly leaves. 

 

I don't 100% relate, I've been through the ''cis by default'' before discovering non-binary (which I've heard is common) but now my AGAB does feel wrong to me, but... don't dismiss these thoughts, you're having them for a reason. And if thinking about being another gender, whatever it is, brings you some sort of joy, you might definitely be onto something. My advice for gender questioning people is generally, first and foremost, to respect oneself. Whatever you do, whatever label/pronoun/expression you try on, make sure you feel like you respect yourself - not yourself as in a hypothetical ''true gender'' waiting deep within to be discovered, you can never know for sure what that would be. But respect your emotions, your desires, even your whims. It doesn't matter if what you do doesn't align with said hypothetical "true gender'' (which imo you should completely disregard if it doesn't satisfy you) as long as you don't disrespect yourself. 

Good luck~

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Rune_Weaver
1 minute ago, NoelciMeta said:

Nah, it's not overthinking.

Thank you! I feel like I overthink everything and I get really stressed out about it. 

 

I've been toying the with the idea of DemiGirl but I'm still looking at what that is defined as so I'm not 100% sure yet... I'm pretty sure it's gonna end up being a very micro-label but that's not a bad thing I guess... and honestly since I'm still ok with she/her pronouns, I will end up only telling my two best friends anyways and they are so accepting and supportive it's crazy. 

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That Ginger Kid

I definitely relate to this. Every now and then I’ll feel like certain parts of my body don’t belong. Most of the time it’s my chest, but it’s also just about anything that could mark me as female. But I also am unsure of whether it’s a gender thing or a trauma thing. There are tons of cases out there of people who experienced childhood abuse who, say, transitioning then find later that their trauma just manifested in a weird way (please note I’m not saying all trans people are trans because of trauma, just that it is a known thing that can happen; I’m sure it’s actually so small a number of trans people that it’s almost insignificant). I’m unsure also of if it’s somehow related to being ace. Sorry I’m no help in figuring out what that is, but I do know the feeling. 

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Rune_Weaver
Just now, That Ginger Kid said:

Sorry I’m no help in figuring out what that is, but I do know the feeling. 

Don't be sorry. Honestly just the fact that I'm not the only one who feels this way is comforting... Sometimes I wish I could be a Barbie doll.. not in the crazy body proportions way but in the "has boobs but no genitals" way...

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PoeciMeta
5 minutes ago, Rune_Weaver said:

Don't be sorry. Honestly just the fact that I'm not the only one who feels this way is comforting... Sometimes I wish I could be a Barbie doll.. not in the crazy body proportions way but in the "has boobs but no genitals" way...

Oh, yeah, I forgot to address that, another person who doesn't want genitalia ^^ I'm wondering about what I want transition-wise and am toying with the idea of removing the whole thing altogether. Maybe I should keep the hormones... and it could affect the urinary system and all... but the hole, definitely want it gone. Not that I want to use it anyway. Eww. 

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Rune_Weaver
Just now, NoelciMeta said:

Oh, yeah, I forgot to address that, another person who doesn't want genitalia ^^ I'm wondering about what I want transition-wise and am toying with the idea of removing the whole thing altogether. Maybe I should keep the hormones... and it could affect the urinary system and all... but the hole, definitely want it gone. Not that I want to use it anyway. Eww. 

 Right?? Like I get there has to be "something" down there, but I've literally asked my doctor if I could have a hysterectomy (I'm not quite 30) and was told a firm NO. So instead I got the birth control implant which stops my periods so at least that's one less thing to deal with down there... But there's still the fact I have a libido and that bugs me so much. 

 

One of my friends put it this way: "You're ace. You have no sexual desire. So it makes sense you wouldn't want to have useless bits" I hadn't considered them useless bits until now... but that's basically what they are. I have no use for any of them and they just add problems to my life. 

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Galactic Turtle

If I could carve out my entire reproductive system and become essentially sexless, I would. But I can't! Nonetheless, I am female because my brain tells me so. Perhaps if I waved a wand and became naturally sexless my brain might think differently. Will never know! 

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ShyFeather
1 hour ago, Rune_Weaver said:

Thank you! I feel like I overthink everything and I get really stressed out about it. 

 

I've been toying the with the idea of DemiGirl but I'm still looking at what that is defined as so I'm not 100% sure yet... I'm pretty sure it's gonna end up being a very micro-label but that's not a bad thing I guess... and honestly since I'm still ok with she/her pronouns, I will end up only telling my two best friends anyways and they are so accepting and supportive it's crazy. 

I've been using demigirl for a few years. I have similar experiences that I some body dysphoria with reproductive organs/genitals but also with my chest. I use vagisil for down there when it's really bugging me. Makes everything numb and I don't have to think about it. I'm looking into getting top surgery and my options.

 

I would recommend trying the label and seeing how it feels. I tried agender first and found it didn't work for me. Demigirl was the first label I actually felt comfortable with, more than agender or female, so that's why I stick to it. And it's up to you who you tell. I've only ever told asexual friends, online and irl. It's awesome you have such great friends to support you. Just know that you only have to share this with whomever you feel comfortable with. It's not obligatory to share with the world if you don't wish to.

 

56 minutes ago, Rune_Weaver said:

One of my friends put it this way: "You're ace. You have no sexual desire. So it makes sense you wouldn't want to have useless bits" I hadn't considered them useless bits until now... but that's basically what they are. I have no use for any of them and they just add problems to my life. 

As far as being ace too, I feel like most asexuals don't feel a need to get rid of genitals so there is some trans stuff going on there. For me personally, I can't really tell where my sexuality ends and gender begins, but I let go of the need to separate them. Both these feelings exist inside me. I don't need to justify it or psychoanalyze the origin cause it wouldn't change the fact that it exists and is who I am. I think having separate categories helps to explain them as their own concept, but it's okay for them to blend together in your own experience. It's good to just be sure people aren't generalizing this for all asexual people or all trans people cause our experiences vary a lot.

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Rune_Weaver
9 minutes ago, ShyFeather said:

I use vagisil for down there when it's really bugging me. Makes everything numb and I don't have to think about it.

Ooo, thank you for the suggestion. I hadn't thought of finding a way to numb the area. I will definitely be looking into trying that soon.

 

9 minutes ago, ShyFeather said:

I would recommend trying the label and seeing how it feels. I tried agender first and found it didn't work for me. Demigirl was the first label I actually felt comfortable with, more than agender or female, so that's why I stick to it.

My hesitation with using demigirl has been that I don't feel like I'm something "not girl", more of I feel like I'm "mostly girl" but also partly not anything have a strong desire of "no-gender"? Maybe it is partly female-partly agender, but presents as female? I guess that could be considered demigirl... 

 

9 minutes ago, ShyFeather said:

As far as being ace too, I feel like most asexuals don't feel a need to get rid of genitals so there is some trans stuff going on there.

I don't know a lot of other aces, which is why I posted here, hoping to kind of gauge how common a feeling this was and if it really was Ace-related or if it was something more. I would love to hear others opinions on this as well. 

 

Edited by Rune_Weaver
better definition of my gender feelings

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anisotrophic

I'm not ace, just trans. ("Just". ;)) Personally, I like to consider gender identity in terms of what we want to change. That can be how we wish others to perceive us and treat us and/or what we want our bodies to be like. In the end, even the latter may be about the former – physiological changes may relate to how we want others to engage us – or not – socially and sexually.

Also a personal opinion, I would feel uncomfortable encouraging someone with sex repulsion to engage in physiological changes like nullification/sterilization without first engaging in therapy to explore and understand the repulsion. That therapy could lead to concluding that physiological change is what you want to do, I just think it's an important step to take, if one can. A forum like AVEN isn't quite the same; a therapist is more able to respectfully push you to understanding yourself.
 

1 hour ago, Rune_Weaver said:

You're ace. You have no sexual desire. So it makes sense you wouldn't want to have useless bits

Well, they have reproductive purposes as well. Asexuals can still want to be parents. I mean, you might not, I'm just saying being ace doesn't mean the bits are useless (indeed, requiring sterilization for legal recognition of gender identity changes is a major trans-rights issue).

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Rune_Weaver
7 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

Also a personal opinion, I would feel uncomfortable encouraging someone with sex repulsion to engage in physiological changes like nullification/sterilization without first engaging in therapy to explore and understand the repulsion. That therapy could lead to concluding that physiological change is what you want to do, I just think it's an important step to take, if one can. A forum like AVEN isn't quite the same; a therapist is more able to respectfully push you to understanding yourself.

I do plan to bring this topic up to my therapist. But I wanted to see if I was alone in these feelings as well, which is why I brought it up. I wasn't hoping for encouragement for sterilization, just a little validation that I'm not alone in my feelings. 

 

5 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

Well, they have reproductive purposes as well. Asexuals can still want to be parents. I mean, you might not, I'm just saying being ace doesn't mean the bits are useless (indeed, requiring sterilization for legal recognition of gender identity changes is a major trans-rights issue).

I do have a child... though I have never planned to become pregnant (this was even before I realized I was ace, I've never really wanted kids, though I do love my daughter). So for me, they are kind of useless, but I do understand that isn't true for all Aces

 

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anisotrophic
14 minutes ago, Rune_Weaver said:

I do plan to bring this topic up to my therapist. But I wanted to see if I was alone in these feelings as well, which is why I brought it up. I wasn't hoping for encouragement for sterilization, just a little validation that I'm not alone in my feelings. 

 

14 minutes ago, Rune_Weaver said:

I do have a child... though I have never planned to become pregnant (this was even before I realized I was ace, I've never really wanted kids, though I do love my daughter). So for me, they are kind of useless, but I do understand that isn't true for all Aces

fair enough! used all the bits, checked that box. 😂 (that's how I felt, at least; I've had all the kids I want now – I delayed T to conceive and birth the last one.)

 

I found therapy really helpful for understanding my own gender identity. FWIW if your therapist isn't already specialized in LGBTQIA+ stuff, you might consider a new one. I think I must've had half a dozen over the years before I had one that genuinely helped me – when I decided to seek out a therapist specializing in gender/LGBTQIA+ stuff. I've also had a terrible experience with a non-LGBTQIA-specialized therapist that claimed some trans experience and clearly didn't have it.

There are definitely some aces that feel like this, and people that do undergo physiological changes for these reasons. And I think our bodies are our own, and we should have a right to change them. 👍

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Rune_Weaver
2 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

I found therapy really helpful for understanding my own gender identity. FWIW if your therapist isn't already specialized in LGBTQIA+ stuff, you might consider a new one. I think I must've had half a dozen over the years before I had one that genuinely helped me – when I decided to seek out a therapist specializing in gender/LGBTQIA+ stuff. I've also had a terrible experience with a non-LGBTQIA-specialized therapist that claimed some trans experience and clearly didn't have it.

I'm not sure if she specializes in LGBT+ but I was impressed that she knew was asexual was when I brought it up without me having to explain it. I actually go see her tomorrow and I think this is going to be one of the things I bring up (as it's related to other body self-image issues I'm trying to deal with). So hopefully it will go well *fingers crossed* 

4 minutes ago, anisotrophic said:

And I think our bodies are our own, and we should have a right to change them. 👍

Exactly! I'm an adult, I don't want these parts, but they will not do a hysterectomy unless there is a medical reason, such as cancer or cysts. So unless i develop cysts on my uterus like my mother did, I am stuck with it. The closest I can get is having my tubes tied, but that only prevents pregnancy (not a high priority for me since I'm not having sex). 

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Sarah-Sylvia

Hi @Rune_Weaver

I don't know if I actually have too much to bring to this, but I did feel like chiming in.
Before I accepted more my female self, it's possible that part of the reason I felt asexual was due to it. I'll admit to something that I haven't told anyone, but 10 years ago I actually went to my doctor to appeal for testosterone blockers saying that I was asexual and didn't want to experience my sex drive (she refused). Looking back it's a bit silly, but hormone therapy only started being covered in the last years, I wouldn't have been able to get it other than the internet before that. I don't thin I was actually asexual at that time, knowing how I was later, but I can't say I know for sure how it all was.

Anyway, your plight for the hysterectomy reminds me of that. There may definitely be something to it, if you're so engaged that you even asked the doctor for it. That said, it may be premature, just like it was for me back then. It's ok for some things to take time, and to also allow yourself time to understand your feelings more. The more you do, the easier it'll be to talk about it and see some avenues open up. And a therapist that's familiar with gender issues would be really good.

Now for the barbie stuff. It throws me off some because of what you wanted, and it does make me wonder if there's something more to how you feel than it being about gender. I wouldn't mind hearing more about why it's an issue with you, having those parts. They can add to femininity too even if you don't use them. Like, what makes the disconnect between your femininity and those parts? I'm just wondering. And, is there anything you like about thinking yourself male, or some parts? Or does it really feel more like genderless, maybe?

 


I've considered being demigirl, or at least transfeminine, myself, but ultimately I feel like my female self is too important to settle half-way. I definitely have non-binary aspects to me that I don't fully understand yet too though. Anyway, being more female is in the realm that I want to be in whichever label I use though, I'm fine with it all, and I'll just keep finding out about myself :)

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PoeciMeta
1 hour ago, anisotrophic said:

Also a personal opinion, I would feel uncomfortable encouraging someone with sex repulsion to engage in physiological changes like nullification/sterilization without first engaging in therapy to explore and understand the repulsion. That therapy could lead to concluding that physiological change is what you want to do, I just think it's an important step to take, if one can.

That sounds sensible... I mean, what about sex repulsion AND dysphoria?, but I should definitely bring that up... I don't think there's trauma, thankfully, I think it's just me being ace, but yes you're right, thanks for the advice. 

 

3 hours ago, Rune_Weaver said:

Right?? Like I get there has to be "something" down there, but I've literally asked my doctor if I could have a hysterectomy (I'm not quite 30) and was told a firm NO. So instead I got the birth control implant which stops my periods so at least that's one less thing to deal with down there... But there's still the fact I have a libido and that bugs me so much. 

Argh. ARGH. Oh yeah. Apparently there's this person my therapist told me of who was able to get top surgery, but their planned hysto wasn't ''approved'' or something like that, and that makes me furious. 

And yeah, even libido and arousal feel disgusting. I do hope taking off the involved parts will rid me of that. 

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Rune_Weaver
27 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Now for the barbie stuff. It throws me off some, and it does make me wonder if there's something more to how you feel than it being about gender. I wouldn't mind hearing more about why it's an issue with you, having those parts. They can add to femininity too even if you don't use them. Like, what makes the disconnect between your femininity and those parts? I'm just wondering. And, is there anything you like about thinking yourself male, or some parts? Or does it really feel more like genderless, maybe?

One reason is because I feel like some of those parts are linked to my libido, and if they go away then so does that. I really really don't like having a libido. I know it doesn't make you "less-ace" but I hate that "turned on" feeling? Even though it no longer makes me panic and think I'm not ace, I find it very annoying and just want it to "go away". 

Another reason is I hate having periods. I hate the cramping and the whole mess and everything about it. I hate being reminded that I have a reproductive system. My family always laughs cause they think I'm joking when I say my uterus is "closed for business... permanently" but that's basically how I feel. I don't want any more children (I have one daughter but she was very unplanned, though I love her dearly). I don't see the point of having it since it's doing me no good and just causing hassle in my life. The idea of being agender is super appealing, but I also really do love my boobs. They are actually the only part of my body that I've always liked. I like how they make me feel. It's the rest of the "female parts" that make me cringe/gross me out. 

 

I have a younger brother and I've started joking a lot recently about how my parents actually had their son first and their daughter second because I'm so much more "boyish" than my brother in some ways: he doesn't like to go outside or get his hands dirty, has a very limited knowledge of tools, and is basically your typical computer nerd. Which is fine. I however have a solid knowledge of tools (my grandfather owned a hardware store and my dad used to work in construction so I walk into a Home Depot like i own the place). I am the one that when our drain in the back stairwell outside backs up, I go and just stick my hand in there (while hoping there's no snakes in the water) and start just scooping the mud out. Cause I don't care. I wear makeup and love skirts and can put together a crib by myself at 6 months pregnant. I don't see myself as "male" but maybe I do have some more masculine traits that I realized...

 

Edited to add: I don't mind presenting as female, I am perfectly comfortable with she/her pronouns. I just really don't want the lower parts involved... hence the Barbie Doll analogy

Edited by Rune_Weaver
added a little more info

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Sarah-Sylvia
18 minutes ago, Rune_Weaver said:

One reason is because I feel like some of those parts are linked to my libido, and if they go away then so does that. I really really don't like having a libido. I know it doesn't make you "less-ace" but I hate that "turned on" feeling? Even though it no longer makes me panic and think I'm not ace, I find it very annoying and just want it to "go away". 

Another reason is I hate having periods. I hate the cramping and the whole mess and everything about it. I hate being reminded that I have a reproductive system. My family always laughs cause they think I'm joking when I say my uterus is "closed for business... permanently" but that's basically how I feel. I don't want any more children (I have one daughter but she was very unplanned, though I love her dearly). I don't see the point of having it since it's doing me no good and just causing hassle in my life. The idea of being agender is super appealing, but I also really do love my boobs. They are actually the only part of my body that I've always liked. I like how they make me feel. It's the rest of the "female parts" that make me cringe/gross me out. 

 

I have a younger brother and I've started joking a lot recently about how my parents actually had their son first and their daughter second because I'm so much more "boyish" than my brother in some ways: he doesn't like to go outside or get his hands dirty, has a very limited knowledge of tools, and is basically your typical computer nerd. Which is fine. I however have a solid knowledge of tools (my grandfather owned a hardware store and my dad used to work in construction so I walk into a Home Depot like i own the place). I am the one that when our drain in the back stairwell outside backs up, I go and just stick my hand in there (while hoping there's no snakes in the water) and start just scooping the mud out. Cause I don't care. I wear makeup and love skirts and can put together a crib by myself at 6 months pregnant. I don't see myself as "male" but maybe I do have some more masculine traits that I realized...

 

Edited to add: I don't mind presenting as female, I am perfectly comfortable with she/her pronouns. I just really don't want the lower parts involved... hence the Barbie Doll analogy


I see.. well then it may not be about your gender at all then. What you don't like seems to be tied to not liking the sexual aspects, and no woman like periods or any of the gross part. And also, gender expressions like getting your hands dirty and tools don't necessarily mean something for gender. It can, but  I think it'll take to explore more and see how you feel deeper.

In my case it was kind of the opposite, where I wondered if I was asexual, when it was probably really about gender. I kind of get the feeling that for you it might actually be about your asexuality.

Doesn't stop anyone from exploring even using the non-binary label, of course. And if you feel something about being agendered (and that isn't just about gender expressions), I'm curious about that too. Sorry if I'm kind of swinging the other way from gender, but it might be important to offer contrast too :P

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Rune_Weaver
7 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

I see.. well then it may not be about your gender at all then. What you don't like seems to be tied to not liking the sexual aspects, and no woman like periods or any of the gross part. And also, gender expressions like getting your hands dirty and tools don't necessarily mean something for gender. It can, but  I think it'll take to explore more and see how you feel deeper.

In my case it was kind of the opposite, where I wondered if I was asexual, when it was probably really about gender. I kind of get the feeling that for you it might actually be about your asexuality.

Doesn't stop anyone from exploring even using the non-binary label, of course. And if you feel something about being agendered (and that isn't just about gender expressions), I'm curious about that too. Sorry if I'm kind of swinging the other way from gender, but it might be important to offer contrast too :P

It might not be about gender. Honestly at this point I really don't know... I know that I feel like something is "off" but I can't find the words for it, I just know it's linked to those body parts and my dislike for them. I'm also a person who likes labels and definitions so it's harder for me to just "be me" and not worry about what to call it... I know it's very possible that all of this is actually just a "side effect" of being ace and vary between sex-indifferent and sex-repulsed (I'm actually probably genitalia-repulsed if that's actually a thing) 

 

I don't mind the contrast. I wanted to kind of hash this out with someone and that's why I posted... I'm not really sure what the root of all this is, and the two people that know me best are busy with their own life shit today so I couldn't just ask them for help. 

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Sarah-Sylvia
9 minutes ago, Rune_Weaver said:

It might not be about gender. Honestly at this point I really don't know... I know that I feel like something is "off" but I can't find the words for it, I just know it's linked to those body parts and my dislike for them. I'm also a person who likes labels and definitions so it's harder for me to just "be me" and not worry about what to call it... I know it's very possible that all of this is actually just a "side effect" of being ace and vary between sex-indifferent and sex-repulsed (I'm actually probably genitalia-repulsed if that's actually a thing) 

 

I don't mind the contrast. I wanted to kind of hash this out with someone and that's why I posted... I'm not really sure what the root of all this is, and the two people that know me best are busy with their own life shit today so I couldn't just ask them for help. 

It's ok, you'll figure it out. You just need to allow yourself a little time. People can help, but it still comes down to how you are and your feelings. If you can find a way to be comfortable with yourself in any case. But I understand, and there's been a lot of people wanting to understand and be able to find a label that fits.

It's possible that you're repulsed. There's a good bunch of asexuals who have that in common, and like some in the thread mentioned, not liking parts, like their breasts or other parts of their body. The ones here that talked to you are different with their gender though. It's still something worth exploring, and it could still be possible to be agendered or androgynous and go much more for feminine look, but I haven't seen anyone like that yet. You're the one that will know how you feel inside, who you are, and what it means to you. It can still take time though..

 

In the last months I have had to be faced with a lot of the reminder to be patient. Some things take time. Including understanding some things. It's ok to take the time it needs to process it and see what makes good sense. It's ok to hash it out too though :D

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Memento1
1 hour ago, Rune_Weaver said:

Another reason is I hate having periods.

There are ways to stop your period without a hysterectomy, like an IUD.  I've considered it - not as a birth control thing (because I don't plan to have sex), but just because periods are annoying.

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Rune_Weaver
Just now, Memento1 said:

There are ways to stop your period without a hysterectomy, like an IUD.  I've considered it - not as a birth control thing (because I don't plan to have sex), but just because periods are annoying.

I've done this... I have the Nexplanon. It's wonderful honestly

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anisotrophic
5 hours ago, Memento1 said:

There are ways to stop your period without a hysterectomy, like an IUD.

OTOH hormonal IUD (eg Mirena) can land you with a wonky or interminable period. Continuous hormonal birth control worked great for me, but a hormonal IUD isn't the same thing.

 

Or, uh, testosterone (eventually it beat the mirena... 😄)

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anisotrophic

Random thought to add: "not wanting periods" isn't a sign someone is trans or dysphoric per se, just a sign that they've ... had periods. Which range from annoying to awful. 😛 IMHO almost nobody who's had periods enjoys the phenomenon 😄

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PoeciMeta

I'm gonna try to have hormonal pills to stop my periods, but that should be temporary. I WANT THE HYSTO. 

Ideally I'd also get rid of the gonads, but I haven't found a healthy long-term alternative (you know, to counter osteoporosis and that fun stuff) so strategically it may be better to keep the hormones until I find a better compromise. 

 

As for the external parts... they disgust me, no surprise, but removing those... 

I'm trying to look for info on that, but each time I can only find ''female mutilation'' stuff. Disheartening. 

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Rune_Weaver
5 hours ago, NoelciMeta said:

As for the external parts... they disgust me, no surprise, but removing those... 

I'm trying to look for info on that, but each time I can only find ''female mutilation'' stuff. Disheartening. 

Yeah... I don't think there is a process to remove the more external parts other than if you have a FtM bottom surgery. But for someone who wants nothing down there? I have never heard of any type of option for that. 

 

Top surgery would be an option though if your chest bothers you....

Edited by Rune_Weaver
add about top surgery
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PoeciMeta
1 hour ago, Rune_Weaver said:

Yeah... I don't think there is a process to remove the more external parts other than if you have a FtM bottom surgery. But for someone who wants nothing down there? I have never heard of any type of option for that. 

 

Top surgery would be an option though if your chest bothers you....

Yeah, I don't recommend googling that in fact 😖 I will try and ask for it, but I don't expect a positive answer... 

 

And yeah I'm dead set on top surgery. And no nipple grafts, either. Scars, yes, but no little chest furuncles. 

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Janus DarkFox

Gender is often the identity to easily think real deeply with for me.  Finding out being Myself being between Agender, FtM trans and non-binary Isn’t easy to not to think too much into.

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AJ 0688
On 12/9/2019 at 3:11 PM, Rune_Weaver said:

Ok, so lately I've been doing a lot of questioning myself and who I am and such. I'm working on discovering myself again because I lost myself a long the way. This year has been full of discoveries, turns out I'm asexual and aromantic (maybe slightly demi/gray on those but I'm more comfortable with aro/ace). However... gender is like, a what? So I'm AFAB and never have felt "not a girl" I guess? I'm not a girly girl and I'm not a tomboy. BUT I also really really don't like my entire reproductive system. Like, I would gladly not have any of it... but my chest I'm fine with... so I can't tell if this is a "part of being ace" since sex ranges from boring af to gross and "eww don't touch me with that thing" or if this is actually a gender identity thing... 

 

Can anybody relate to this? Am I just overthinking the whole thing? Am I being a "special snowflake" and am just cis? 

I can relate to alot of what you're saying. I am also very girly girl one minute, tom boy the next. I put alot of that down to being abit of a geeky girl who changes her mind alot. I like cute things and looking feminine but I like books tech and gadgets too which not a lot of girls (at least in my age range) seem to be in too. I like F1, sometimes Rugby and cars. However although I like tomboyish things I'm very much a woman. 

 

I can also relate to the overthinking thing coz it happens with me alot too. I wondered if it was something that got into my head because a few of my close friends are either gay, bisexual or transgender and i criticised myself alot for trying to label myself with something. Also alot of my changes in mind and the ways I feel are affected by my mental health so that could be why one minute I feel good enough to be who I want to be but then the next day is someone I play on a regular basis. Especially when anxious or depressed. However sexuality I know I am a woman and when thinking in terms of romantic relationships I always picture a man and it just feels right. 

 

Someone I can have romantic interactions with, without it leading to sex because as hard as I have tried (and i only tried twice) it just doesn't work for me. It's awkward and gross and uncomfortable to me. 

 

That and my self esteem goes against me too. 

 

Sadly I can't relate to the confusion over your sexuality so I'm not much help there (sorry) but I just do what feels natural to you. And listen to yourself. If something feels right go with it. Be sure of yourself. 

 

I'm only just figuring myself out and I am glad to finally get some answers to questions I have been asking myself since I was in my early 20's. 

 

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Rune_Weaver

So after therapy yesterday and doing a lot of thinking... I think most (if not all) my questioning stems from self esteem issues... I care too much what other people think and feel like I'm a fake because I do have a sex drive, even though being ACE has nothing to do with that... so yeah... thank you to everyone who has helped me think this out. I'm not 100% sure I'm cis, but I think if any label does apply it's a micro-microlabel that honestly no one would even know of anyways, so cis-female is probably just easier. 

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