Here’sausername9 Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 Hi! I’m new here! I hope I wouldn’t be viewed as invalid because I like porn because I found this subset of asexuality called “Autochorisexual” that’s basically that I feel a disconnect from myself to what I see with porn so I’m able to feel sexually aroused. But the moment I interact with people and we talk about sex I feel absolutely nothing. I’ve never felt aroused from anyone in real life and if I ever try to it honestly makes me feel uncomfortable and turned off. Even the boyfriend I loved gave me nothing in terms of arousal. I don’t feel any arousal now writing this either. I just don’t think of people sexually in the real world? I can feel general bouts of arousal because I’m manic from my bipolarism and that can increase my sex drive but it’s never directed towards anyone in particular. My best friend who’s not asexual tells me she gets aroused on sight with some people but I’ve never experienced that. A lot of my life I felt like my feelings weren’t valid because I did look at porn. I’m going to a meetup with some asexuals/aromantics at my local LGBTQ center but a part of me just feels afraid that I’ll be viewed as invalid. Link to post Share on other sites
🚓💨💨 Posted December 9, 2019 Share Posted December 9, 2019 I struggle to understand the idea that someone could be 'Invalid', or 'invalidated'. The label doesn't matter. You matter. Use the labels how you see fit. No one gets prizes for conforming more or less. I am not sure but I think here no one could say "No you are not asexual" any way. I think it's against the rules. Even if you use the word "Ironic" people have different understanding of the word, but only pendents will argue with you. If your mission is to fully conform to the label "Asexual" then you are out of luck there, because to this day I don't think there are two people on the planet who agree on concise definition. You are among friends, and you can be who you want. Enjoy! I'm off to arrest someone who LITERALLY used the word LITERALLY when they should have said FIGURATIVELY. God I HATE it when people say LITERALLY about LITERALLY everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Here’sausername9 Posted December 9, 2019 Author Share Posted December 9, 2019 Thanks everyone! Hopefully the people at the Asexual/Aromantic meetup will feel the same way! I appreciate the support! 😊👍 I guess it’s just been hard for me to come to terms with this since I’ve never met or heard of anyone else like this. Being ace is very straightforward for most people but it just hasn’t been for me sadly because it’s such a mix of emotions that’s made me feel insecure about it 😅 But I feel more comfortable now that I found this label and now that I know I’m not alone. Thanks for hearing me out and thanks again! 👍 Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted December 10, 2019 Share Posted December 10, 2019 Welcome! Hope I’m not too late to the party, but I brought the welcome cake Link to post Share on other sites
Here’sausername9 Posted December 10, 2019 Author Share Posted December 10, 2019 Ah thank you! No one could ever be too late that’s really sweet of you! o(≧∇≦o) Link to post Share on other sites
BreeMoo Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 On 12/9/2019 at 9:24 AM, Here’sausername9 said: Hi! I’m new here! I hope I wouldn’t be viewed as invalid because I like porn because I found this subset of asexuality called “Autochorisexual” that’s basically that I feel a disconnect from myself to what I see with porn so I’m able to feel sexually aroused. But the moment I interact with people and we talk about sex I feel absolutely nothing. I’ve never felt aroused from anyone in real life and if I ever try to it honestly makes me feel uncomfortable and turned off. Even the boyfriend I loved gave me nothing in terms of arousal. I don’t feel any arousal now writing this either. I just don’t think of people sexually in the real world? I can feel general bouts of arousal because I’m manic from my bipolarism and that can increase my sex drive but it’s never directed towards anyone in particular. My best friend who’s not asexual tells me she gets aroused on sight with some people but I’ve never experienced that. A lot of my life I felt like my feelings weren’t valid because I did look at porn. I’m going to a meetup with some asexuals/aromantics at my local LGBTQ center but a part of me just feels afraid that I’ll be viewed as invalid. Hi hi! Let me just start off saying, this is me as well (Thanks for giving me the actual asexuality term for this)! You're not alone in getting aroused from others in sexual acts but not feeling aroused when it comes to personal life. I read plenty of explicit fanfiction, comics, etc with the occasional porn viewing and for me it's more of chasing the high from after than anything else, but feeling sexual attraction to a person is foreign to me. So, no I don't think you ever need to feel invalid due to this, everything is a spectrum and there are so many nuances that someone may not feel the exact same but come close. Also I'm glad I found your post, because I was hoping to find someone that had a similar thing like this to me. ❤️ Link to post Share on other sites
Here’sausername9 Posted December 12, 2019 Author Share Posted December 12, 2019 Woah I helped someone else with their identity? That’s so cool I’m so happy I helped you too because I know that this form of asexuality is super confusing to experience 🥺 I used to feel super insecure about it because I didn’t feel like I fit anything with my sexuality but finally finding something that fit me felt super nice. So I hope it felt nice for you too to find out! Also omg I relate to the explicit fanfiction and comics thing because I’m a trashy weeb that also loves fandoms way too much :3 And yeah I read it for the high and because it feels good but finding stuff that suits my taste is hard anyways 🤔 Like I once read explicit fanfiction for a week and it didn’t do much for me. And it depends on my mood too cause sometimes I have to give up since it’s doing nothing for me 🤔 Thanks for being nice to me too though I appreciate it and it means a lot! 👍 But if this post I made helped anyone then that makes me happy and it makes posting this worth it 😊👍 Link to post Share on other sites
BreeMoo Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 2 hours ago, Here’sausername9 said: Woah I helped someone else with their identity? That’s so cool I’m so happy I helped you too because I know that this form of asexuality is super confusing to experience 🥺 I used to feel super insecure about it because I didn’t feel like I fit anything with my sexuality but finally finding something that fit me felt super nice. So I hope it felt nice for you too to find out! Also omg I relate to the explicit fanfiction and comics thing because I’m a trashy weeb that also loves fandoms way too much :3 And yeah I read it for the high and because it feels good but finding stuff that suits my taste is hard anyways 🤔 Like I once read explicit fanfiction for a week and it didn’t do much for me. And it depends on my mood too cause sometimes I have to give up since it’s doing nothing for me 🤔 Thanks for being nice to me too though I appreciate it and it means a lot! 👍 But if this post I made helped anyone then that makes me happy and it makes posting this worth it 😊👍 Yea, it does feel nice to know that it's a thing and not just me getting things and feelings confused again. Finding the right stuff is hard, one small thing throws you off and it's like, well, do I start over again or leave it alone? Heck, someone put the wrong color of someone's eyes in a story i was curious about and I was out of there or I overlooked a kink and started reading and yep, nope, I'm done. It's a strange thing for sure though, and it really can depend on your mood, like sometimes just reading a fluffy, well written story butters me up enough to get happy, floaty feelings. Also it's no problem, I like trying to talk with people and connect, definitely trying to put an effort in since I've enjoyed AVEN quite a bit so far. Like I was annoyed at work since I couldn't keep up on notifications and respond when I wanted to. XD Link to post Share on other sites
Here’sausername9 Posted December 12, 2019 Author Share Posted December 12, 2019 I’m glad I could help! Na if you feel a certain way there tends to be a reason for it! So don’t doubt yourself okay? Your feelings are valid! 😊👍 Also for me it’s more like it just doesn’t cater to my fetishes or it’s not well written. Like a lot of yaoi focuses on butts and I don’t see the appeal in that personally so I get nothing out of it 🤔 Also if it’s poorly done that starts to distract me too 🤔 Also omg overthinking things while looking at stuff and getting turned off is super relatable. Sometimes I get uninterested to the point that I just start thinking about my life and it becomes like a meditation session if anything lol. And ugh I’ve seen kinks that are just bad? They’re just unenjoyable for me to read. I don’t need violence in my explicit fics or comics no thanks. But yeah sometimes I try to masturbate but it just does nothing for me cause my body is just not having it that day 😂 I’ve especially just been not in the mood to masturbate recently so I might as well not 🤷 I think that might be due to my birth control pills, which I take to make my periods easier, because I looked it up and a decreased libido is a side effect of them. I see now 🤔 And thanks for putting the effort in I appreciate that! Not many people do that so it means a lot! 👍 And I’m glad you’ve been enjoying AVEN I’m new so I wouldn’t be able to tell but people like you are making it more enjoyable 👍 And it’s okay it’s work I understand because I work too! It’s like when I receive a text at work and I’m like “I wish I could respond but work is preventing me”. I relate on a spiritual level to that 👌 Link to post Share on other sites
BreeMoo Posted December 12, 2019 Share Posted December 12, 2019 Butts are weird, I agree, then again I don't enjoy reading/ looking at boob jobs, like.....idk it's weird to me. And yea poorly done distracts so hard, like you start focusing on everything wrong til you can't stand it, or that's me. I can't read slapped together stories or comics were the art is off and I all I see is the things that bug me....I might also just be a scatterbrain and need things to keep my attention long enough to get the point. 😆 Also birth control will do that I've heard, which makes sense with the libido since the hormones are getting told to lay off pretty much. Wish I could go on them, but I have a blood pressure pill I take, super small but still there, so yay me. 😑 And the effort isn't much, I just learned after everything that a friendly person helps makes the jump into something easier, and learned that my filter has shrank a lot since I stopped caring as much, and just say crap haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Here’sausername9 Posted December 12, 2019 Author Share Posted December 12, 2019 Yeah anything with butts just is an instant nope for me. Also sometimes single images are enough for people and I’m like “HOW??” And that’s fine! Honestly I have a weird thing myself where reading about a girl erotically in fanfiction is a big nope but for some reason in erotic comics I enjoy it if it’s done well. I don’t know what exactly it is too because certain things are for me and certain things aren’t. I honestly find it funny half the time when people find stuff hot on the internet because I don’t? I feel like I have to do this string of logic to make me feel anything too. Like remind myself that it feels good for the person in the image. I had to do that a lot when I was younger like stare at an image and convince myself it was hot 🤔 Honestly allosexuals have it way easier cause they always seem so satisfied in comment sections of erotic material while I’m way harder to please lol. Also omg if a story is terrible I’m just gonna think of the terrible story if anything 😂 And as an artist when I draw I view it as a drawing more than anything else so I can’t get aroused by my own stuff because my art brain is on 🤔 If the art is off though that does make it harder especially if it’s so bad that it seems like I could draw it 🤔 Honestly I just think a lot of allosexuals don’t write and draw good sex scenes sadly 🤔 And oh noes not blood pressure meds! 😰 I have to take some myself because I have 2 anxiety disorders and they treat it. The lower blood pressure is just a side effect. The medication is propranolol (Hope it’s spelt right cause I can never say nor spell the thing correctly). I use to take metoprolol but that made my blood pressure too low with stuff like numbness in my arms and legs because the blood wasn’t heading there like it should 😥 Luckily propranolol doesn’t do that to me 👍 And hey I got fibromyalgia myself that’s being treated so we’re all going through something 😊👍 And hey we all learn things in life! I found out that being super honest and respectful with people makes them show themselves better so that’s cool 😊 Also omg I have no filter either my mom tells me I should be more private about certain things but I can’t stop won’t stop 😂👍 Also wanna move this to DMs so we don’t flood the forum? :3 Link to post Share on other sites
BreeMoo Posted December 13, 2019 Share Posted December 13, 2019 Yes! We can, I'll message you since I just read the DM part after writing most of my response XD whoops Link to post Share on other sites
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