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Anzlī

Curious about bdsm but not sexually and very confused

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Anzlī

I’m kinda confused cuz for some reason some bdsm things... how do I describe it. Catch my attention or make me curious? For reasons I don’t understand I’m drawn to find out more about it. But like, I’m asexual and sex averse so I’m totally not interested in anything sexual related to that. And I don’t even know if I would want to do it myself.

 

So basically I’m confused about why I somehow keep being drawn back to things like bondage, and trying to sort out my feelings on the matter. Maybe I’m just way too introspective and over analyzing things, and I’m simply curious about a strange and new thing? But at this point it’s not new to me and I don’t know why I keep coming back to it. It really doesn’t do anything for me, at least not that I can tell, so- yeah. I’m confused, as usual.

 

Has anyone else felt something similar, or are any asexuals actually into bdsm that could possibly help figure something out?

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Grimalkin

Perhaps this meme from the ace subreddit will help: 

 

dwoCVFw.jpg

 

In other words, ace people frequently have kinks and fetishes independently of sex. Is it weird? Sure. Just another thing life decided to throw at us, I guess. 

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Scottthespy

Man, I'm an aro ace who works at an 'adult toy store', The Love Boutique. I've always been fascinated by sexuality and sexual things from a clinical standpoint. I think it's actually very common for people to have a fascination with something they're not interested in trying themselves. Famous doctors who've ravenously studied disease but not wanted to be ill themselves, folks who are endlessly drawn to learn about psychology but never practice, people who watch every art channel on youtube but don't draw.  Sometimes we as humans just want to learn about a thing, but not actually do it.

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Chef Remy

BDSM and kink does not have to be about physical sex or sexual.

For some it is the power exchange and giving control to someone else and the power dynamic. Or it can be services with a purpose and meaning. And the safe sane consensual, giving and taking pain or humiliation. And the dynamic and bond between a sub and top.

Learning about each other, testing boundaries and limits and building a relationship on that. Reading each other. With trust, communication, and openness.

Know a few asexual who are involved in the kink community so you are not alone.

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Anzlī

@Scottthespy thanks that’s actually really helpful, I think it’s more along those lines because I’m pretty sure I don’t want to do it myself. Thanks for putting it into words so nicely 𖠌

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everclear1973

Hi. I've only had one relationship, (in 46 years), but it was a BDSM relationship. I loved my now ex-boyfriend, but not sexually. It was emotionally. Anyway I loved the BDSM lifestyle, because it used our minds and creativity to 'create' our scenes. Using my imagination to create different scenarios fascinated me. I think that BDSM can be taken part in for asexual people. It doesn't necessarily involve sex. 

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