Trans friend vs edgy memes how should I deal with this?

[Eva Blue]

It's quite simple really, one of my friends is a trans girl and another is a girl from another country that I guess isn't as liberal as mine and loves "edgy" humor, which puts me on the spot.

 

She added me to her meme discord server and it's all in good fun ( the humor is crass, just the way I like it) but she just tagged me in one where 2 men scream in horror while watching a gender reassignment surgery that would change a penis into a vagina and...I don't know how to respond. All I could think of was my friend back home in the middle of transition and how I'd feel if she told me men had screamed about her body.

 

It just felt out of nowhere. Was it because I talked about my friend? Dif she send it just because of their rediculous reactions? Within that group of friends, I know they like a "don't take it too seriously" mindset, but I just feel like if I do that, I'm subconsciously agreeing that the reactions those men had were okay. I dunno. Am I reading to much into this? Should I say anything? I don't care what someone's personal feelings are, I just know watching that 10 second clip hurt MY feelings.

[frostboot]

It's good that you can notice that it was wrong of her to send that. It can be difficult to stand up to friends who you don't feel are behaving in an acceptable way, but if you feel like you have the energy, telling her might be a good idea. I don't think you are reading too much into it, as a trans person myself I always appreciate when a cis person stands up against transphobia. If it hurt your feelings, it's good to tell her so she can know not to do it again and maybe it could make her see it from your perspective. If she still continues to send offensive memes, perhaps she isn't a very good friend. 

[nineGardens]

Hmmmm.... this one is tricky.

 

1) it is legit to have your feelings hurt, and wonder where that would put your friend.

 

2) Depending on the exact details of the surgery and such.... It may be less focused on "Guys being freaked out by Trans stuff", and closer to "Guys know that their bits are tender, and like.... certain details of the surgery itself may be cringy in that sense. Nothing for/against Trans stuff, just more of a "OHhhhh that looks painful, I do NOT want a scalpel anywhere down there" sort of thing.

Depending on the context, and how it was done, it can very easily be the guys freaking out which are the butt of the joke.

I don't know. This is one POSSIBLE interpretation, based on hearing things second hand.

 

This doesn't make things easier or better for someone who is hurt by the joke, but it also means that your posting friend, and even the original poster of the joke may well just be thoughtless, rather than transphobic or anything.

 

 

[Guest]

Honestly, the meme sounds more like "ahhhhhh my penis!!!!!!! Ow!!!!"  Which, even the trans girl I know has ow penis ow reactions to things. So, probably not so much meant to be against trans as "imagine how guys would react to watching a penis turned inside out by scalpels". 

 

But, it can be hurtful to those who are trans so understand your issue. Maybe just talk to them and say you dont find the trans memes like that very amusing, given the emotional turmoil your friend is undergoing right now? 

[Janus the Fox]

This doesn’t seem edgy memey to me... I think that’s more like Shock Site territory, being shown Medical Gore for reactions to make content seems to me what this is.  I know a few Trans memes, the “Cat Girl” meme in MtF communities is a big one in what I know.

 

This particular I’d couldn't want to respond and leave, I’m not particularly sure that’s within Discord ToS, Discord is rather new but perhaps has not caught up to morally and ethically questionable content quite yet.  It’s original sole purposes is for Video Games, the Replacement for the likes of Teamspeak and Skype for Gaming. 

[Scottthespy]

One can realize something is 'inappropriate' or hurtful to others and still enjoy the humor without agreeing that it's 'okay' in reality. There are a lot of things that fall under the realm of 'okay to think about, not okay to do'. Slapstick is funny, but if those things happened in real life we'd find out if the victim was okay. Cartoons for kids have a ton of fighting and violence in them, but no one real is hurt and even the characters are rarely hurt badly by it. People play out violent sexual fantasies that they wouldn't enjoy if it was really happening. Violent video games are all about things that would make you the worst person in history if it was real. 

 

This 'edgy meme' about screaming men (which, as other's have said, sounds like 'omg mah penis!' more than 'omg trans') can be funny to a person conceptually without that person thinking that would be an appropriate reaction to a real life transition surgery. If you personally didn't like the meme, that's also okay, and you can ask not to be shown memes like that in future for your own peace of mind, but don't assume people who did find it funny would react that way when meeting a real transgender person. Dark humor has a history of making light of things that are actually very serious, and that's not a bad or inappropriate thing unless the comedian is deliberately and maliciously targeting specific people who have already asked to be left alone.