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OneConfusedBoi

Confusion about my gender identity

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OneConfusedBoi

So I recently started college and have met all kinds of LGTBQ+ members. With this I have recently realized that I am aro ace. I’ve been coming to terms with that (I’m not unhappy about it I just don’t know how I fit in with my friends and family and society) but recently hit another snag. I was born as and identify as female, but I have always been a tomboy and recently had mixed feeling about my breasts. I’m fine with being a female, but sometimes I just wanna be one of the guys. I’ve looked into getting a binder and that makes me feel really excited. I know it’s ok to not have a label, but I feel better if I have some kind of label to help me to describe how I feel. I don’t think I’m non-binary, but I’ve looked into gender fluidity. I’m just kinda confused and want to know what y’all think about it. Just trying to get some clarity I guess. Thanks!

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Sarah-Sylvia

Well gender fluidity is non-binary. NB just means not being stricly male or female.

You might also just be a girl that wants to have male gender expressions more, and it not really being about identity necessarily. Gender identity is about who you are, so if you feel like a man, or boy, or you feel it can be an important part of who you are, and still are and enjoy being female, then you can be non-binary of some kind. Some women don't really like their breasts overly much, and I've seen it among other ace women as well.

It's normal for it to take exploration, and see how you feel. For now, you should see how you feel about if you were a guy. You can share about it if you already have some feelings about that. And if you really don't feel good about a female body and being female, or if it's just certain parts. Worth wondering about :)

 

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OneConfusedBoi

Very cool! I’m trying to learn more about everything and myself because I’ve lived in a pretty traditional southern small town until now. I’m trying to figure out how I feel being male when all I’ve known this as is being a “tomboy”. Thanks for the input!

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DolphinLover22
On 12/6/2019 at 7:47 PM, OneConfusedBoi said:

So I recently started college and have met all kinds of LGTBQ+ members. With this I have recently realized that I am aro ace. I’ve been coming to terms with that (I’m not unhappy about it I just don’t know how I fit in with my friends and family and society) but recently hit another snag. I was born as and identify as female, but I have always been a tomboy and recently had mixed feeling about my breasts. I’m fine with being a female, but sometimes I just wanna be one of the guys. I’ve looked into getting a binder and that makes me feel really excited. I know it’s ok to not have a label, but I feel better if I have some kind of label to help me to describe how I feel. I don’t think I’m non-binary, but I’ve looked into gender fluidity. I’m just kinda confused and want to know what y’all think about it. Just trying to get some clarity I guess. Thanks!

I also have felt that way for a while. I thought for a bit that I might be non binary, but I just wasn't sure. I seriously considered that I was a guy, but then I realized the thought of having a penis just made me uncomfortable 😅 but I didn't really feel like a girl... I was and still am pretty confused, but the best label I found to describe me is "trans masculine". Where you identify as a girl, but you feel more masculine. For me, this means if someone calls me "sir" or something like that, it makes me feel good about myself. They acknowledged that I look more masculine. That's happened at work a few times 😃 But I'm not going to go around telling everyone I'm a guy. Because I don't think I'm a guy. Not sure if this helped at all 😅 but there you go

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Sarah-Sylvia
1 hour ago, DolphinLover22 said:

I also have felt that way for a while. I thought for a bit that I might be non binary, but I just wasn't sure. I seriously considered that I was a guy, but then I realized the thought of having a penis just made me uncomfortable 😅 but I didn't really feel like a girl... I was and still am pretty confused, but the best label I found to describe me is "trans masculine". Where you identify as a girl, but you feel more masculine. For me, this means if someone calls me "sir" or something like that, it makes me feel good about myself. They acknowledged that I look more masculine. That's happened at work a few times 😃 But I'm not going to go around telling everyone I'm a guy. Because I don't think I'm a guy. Not sure if this helped at all 😅 but there you go

It's funny to think about it the other way around, to me. Because to me it would feel good to be acknowledged as a woman in society. It makes me smile a bit inside even talking about it. I just never thought about 'sir' making someone happy, that's all I'm saying :P
Feels like another telltale sign of what our gender is more like :)

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OneConfusedBoi
4 hours ago, DolphinLover22 said:

I also have felt that way for a while. I thought for a bit that I might be non binary, but I just wasn't sure. I seriously considered that I was a guy, but then I realized the thought of having a penis just made me uncomfortable 😅 but I didn't really feel like a girl... I was and still am pretty confused, but the best label I found to describe me is "trans masculine". Where you identify as a girl, but you feel more masculine. For me, this means if someone calls me "sir" or something like that, it makes me feel good about myself. They acknowledged that I look more masculine. That's happened at work a few times 😃 But I'm not going to go around telling everyone I'm a guy. Because I don't think I'm a guy. Not sure if this helped at all 😅 but there you go

That helps a lot actually! I feel the same way when people call me stereotypically masculine terms and I feel really happy when I’m just one of the guys and not a girl hanging out with guys. But at the same time, I don’t want to actually be a guy. I’ll definitely look more into trans masculinity cause it sounds like it may be a good fit! Thanks!

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PoeciMeta
7 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

It's funny to think about it the other way around, to me. Because to me it would feel good to be acknowledged as a woman in society. It makes me smile a bit inside even talking about it. I just never thought about 'sir' making someone happy, that's all I'm saying :P
Feels like another telltale sign of what our gender is more like :)

Yeah, that's so relatable! In my head sometimes it goes ''why would anyone want/like to be a woman??" and only recently discovered it was just because of my trans-ness ^^

And I don't see how being a man can be so appealing apart from the practical side, but I found the concept of an absence of gender so freeing and cool... and retrospectively, seeing that I have these thoughts is a huge (a)gender validation in itself! Right? 

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Sarah-Sylvia
5 hours ago, NoelciMeta said:

Yeah, that's so relatable! In my head sometimes it goes ''why would anyone want/like to be a woman??" and only recently discovered it was just because of my trans-ness ^^

And I don't see how being a man can be so appealing apart from the practical side, but I found the concept of an absence of gender so freeing and cool... and retrospectively, seeing that I have these thoughts is a huge (a)gender validation in itself! Right? 

Pretty much. We can't fully relate to how others are, but comparing can sometimes help see how we're different,or.. how we are.

''why would anyone want/like to be a woman??"
-Meheh :D So easy for me to answer that. I guess it doesn't bother me if others don't feel it. My heart is full. :)

 

I suppose I can't really discount the value of being a man, especially if it is about being practical. But then you look at them loosing their sh*t watching a sports match or something and it's like.. how does that make any sense? :P

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PoeciMeta
2 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Pretty much. We can't fully relate to how others are, but comparing can sometimes help see how we're different,or.. how we are.

''why would anyone want/like to be a woman??"
-Meheh :D So easy for me to answer that. I guess it doesn't bother me if others don't feel it. My heart is full. :)

 

I suppose I can't really discount the value of being a man, especially if it is about being practical. But then you look at them loosing their sh*t watching a sports match or something and it's like.. how does that make any sense? :P

Yeah, comparing like this does help, this very conversation feels... confirming gender-wise! ^^

 

Haha, it's kind of a shame, for some reason I have trouble seeing the perks, be they physical or social :P But that feeling of full heart, I think I get it. I guess not many people could see how lacking a gender can sound appealing, but that is the option that my heart seems to brighten for. :D

 

I relate to that too! The sight of men getting drunk... when I thought the only possibilities were the binary ones, I thought I was a guy half-heartedly, like ''guess this is my gender then? *sigh*". A bit disappointing in some aspects, male :P

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Just Somebody

I don't have time to answer such doubts here but I already did there and I believe this could help you organize your thoughts:

 

 

 

 

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