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Sarah-Sylvia

Dealing with depression and dysphoria?

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Sarah-Sylvia

Hi. So, I was thinking, this community is pretty good at trying to help people find themselves or accept themselves, but I've also seen some people who were able to be helped emotionally, even from just understanding and accepting that they're asexual, or otherwise. There's also relationships that are often issues. Anyway, I was thinking maybe somehow somebody is able to help me a little too. I dunno. I've had a lot of trouble with it, and lots of it has to do with how I don't feel like I can be myself in society. I just am still too .. I don't know, maybe it's several things, but I don't feel good/comfortable with some things, as well as presenting as female. I'm trying to inch closer, however I can, and that's helping me feel a little bit less depressed and dysphoric, but it often feels like it's not enough or I can't see myself being able to really make it.

Being transgender, it has its own challenges, and some people are able to transition, even if it's a challenge. I'm trying to do it. But it's hard to move forward with certain things. Maybe I'm just really having a hard time with it all, I know I need to take my time, because it feels worse when I push too much. I just really wish I felt better in general as well. I don't want to be too down, I know there's lots of good too, but I guess I just wanted to express a little of these feelings. I'm trying to believe. But I'm pretty depressed, .. I really want to be myself.🌞

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anisotrophic

I think it can be really slow, especially in your direction — much more challenging to transgress misogynist norms against feminine expression, and feminizing HRT is muuuch slower than masculinizing.

 

Going in, I was so relieved to get started, I didn’t realize what a long haul transition would be. Is. It’s years. I think cisfolk usually don’t realize how much *work* it is to transition (emotionally, physically, socially, etc).
 

I’m just making a stab at what might be getting you down — but maybe it would help to remind yourself that it takes time. Maybe celebrate the little steps rather than focus on what hasn’t happened yet.

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Andrea KF
16 hours ago, anisotrophic said:

Maybe celebrate the little steps rather than focus on what hasn’t happened yet.

That's important!

 

Don't know if it's good to admit You don't have to reach a so called "goal"? Still, get as far as possible. And as that overplayed old Rock song taught us: "Don't Stop Believing".

Edited by Andrea KF
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Janus DarkFox

I know that it’s easy to think the two are related from own experience though my treatments are getting there slowly.

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PoeciMeta

*Hugs*

Like that? 

Hugs are nice 😊

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Calligraphette_Coe

Maybe I shouldn't be answering this post, as I'm not going to make it to the Promised Land of Transition. There's medical demon standing in the Gate with its flaming cadeusus pointed right at me. So FWIW, Your Mileage May Definitely Vary, and I probably know the depression of disappointment and frustration better than most.

 

I think Spanish people sometimes refer to me as 'mariposa', or butterfly. Well, I'm like the caterpillar who is stuck in that evolutionary dead end, and the only tender mercy I get from it sometimes is that I've accepted it and figure at least I'll try to be the best caterpillar I can be.

 

Honestly, with the inborn androgyny I have, I feel like I'm part of the way there. What has really helped me is to have a group of ciswomen to whom I'm out to talk to when I really get down and out. And I talk to them when they get really down and out. I have met some of them in person, and they think I should have transitioned but that it would be the final scene of a pretty class act-- better, but what doesn't happen doesn't erase the rest.

 

There was a line from a Jim Croce song : "If it gets me nowhere, I'll go there proud." Deep down in the crucible of personality, I know this. It is my shield against further misfortune and depression. It picks me up and puts me back on the path of experience-- to experience all the positive things there are about being human, even as one can not experience them all. I'll always have that and when Death comes for me, I hope to be able to say "I did the best I could-- please give me the peace I never found in life."

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Sarah-Sylvia

Well, first I'd like to say thanks for the replies.
I think that the best someone can do is make the steps they can, little or not, that they feel comfortable with, towards what they like. And take it day by day and be patient for some things. That said, I'm not perfect, so there's some of the things I have trouble with. Comfort or support does help. Though besides that I don't know, I do want to believe, because even though I do think it's important to appreciate what we do have, I'm not willing to settle. Maybe that means that I have more trouble with my dysphoria, but I'd rather feel it than give up on what I want. (well actually, there'd probably be more there if I give up) I want to be happy in all the ways I can, without giving up on what's important to me. Not always simple, but .. eh.

Whether it means just doing what someone can, or being open to more being possible, I think that if something really matters to someone, they don't give up on it. At least, that's how I feel. I don't know. I don't have the answer, but I do want to find one, or some. In the meantime, I can only try my best.

❤️

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