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Jade Cross

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Pessimism, cynicism, lack of trust (in the world in general, life, people, etc.), low self worth, clinical depression, worry, anxiety, defeatist attitudes...

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Sarah-Sylvia

You either toughen up and learn from the disappointments, or to care, to do your best and have less expectations (ideally more appreciation for when it does go well), or you get taken down and think life's a constant disappointment.

 

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Yeast

I'm reminded of something Kurt Vonnegut said.  He noticed some people could remain kind and compassionate no matter how badly they'd been treated. He called this natural grace and suggested we pay more attention to it instead of concentrating so much on natural sin. I have what I call the luck of the tiger. It's bad most of the time but when I need it the most it rushes in like a tsunami. I tell myself I've used up all my bad luck so it can only be good now. I've experienced some of the worst of humanity but I've always refused to stoop to their level. I already have my revenge.  The people themselves. They have to live with the demons tormenting them and making them the monsters they are.  I don't. I just walk away and leave them in their private hell.

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Balance

I was taught to be decent to people, politeness/manners, etc. And I've had a lot of horrible stuff happen at me every single day. But somehow the taught behaviors are hard to break so I continue behaving decently. No, I don't toughen from the bad stuff happening at me, I also didn't really change my expectations and I don't just accept bad behavior. Sorry, I'll never get used to it. And they wonder why people drink, take drugs, eat tons. If they think I'll change based on treating me badly, um, no. I'm guessing I can't change now, even if I wanted to. So besides Ace as my orientation, I guess I have the Decent Orientation.

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Sarah-Sylvia

I feel like I've been pretty disappointed in life. I don't really blame people for it, it's just unfortunate. I would like to say I'm stronger, but actually I'm pretty hurt. Maybe eventually i'll be, but for now still learning to heal from it bearing down. There's definitely positive and good stuff in life, and it's worth appreciating things, it's just there's the stuff that can be tough, and we just gotta do our best, I guess. It doesnt feel nice to feel badly about things or life.

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kenny.

with so many constant disappointments, i have, unfortunately, simply come to expect them. i don't think that that kind of expectation is necessarily pessimistic in nature, but just something that is a normal response. then again, when one's expectations are always so low, you can never be truly disappointed anymore. it's either what you expected to happen, or better. just my take on it i guess!

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Anthracite_Impreza

It has turned me down bad roads, the constant feeling bad shit is going to happen so I can never really enjoy good times and chronic dissociation because that is usually the best and safest place to be. It also pisses me off when you get the "well you should just keep going, it'll get better!" spiel because

a. It doesn't, accept we're all just sliding downwards to death, and

b. I'm tired of constant fighting

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Homer

Expect the worst at all times and take everything that doesn't turn out the worst as a nice surprise.

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Moderne Jazzhanden
5 hours ago, Homer said:

Expect the worst at all times and take everything that doesn't turn out the worst as a nice surprise.

That's the way I coped with Saudi.

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Perspektiv

For me, my positive nature is *almost* unshakable.

 

However, I must admit it eventually has you questioning the world we are in. For me, I refused to let go of my happy go lucky nature. 

 

I just become razor focused on my goals and dreams and drown out the outside bullshit that surrounds me. 

 

Kick me down to the ground, I plan my approach and bounce back twice as strong. 

 

I still remember an ex laughing at me telling me you will "never be with a girl as hot as me again" as I had gained a lot of weight and become depressed while with her due to what I was put through. Her ridiculing my body just made things worse. 

 

I had enough. Even after being cheated on I won't show you anger. 

 

I just hit the gym and used anger as my fuel. Dated a handful of women like her and started to realize I was the problem as I was choosing them. 

 

So for me it was focusing on what I bring to the table. Eliminating the mindset that attracted the bullshit my way. Being wiser.

 

I trust nobody other than myself. I read between the lines. 

 

I am always prepared for the worst, but will always hope for the best. It's just kept me humble. 

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Chihiro

My brain thinks I am worthless, hence the constant disappointments that I face. I believe I deserve those disappointments. The result of that is-

 

When people do try to care for me, I push them away. I secretly want their care, but I don't feel I deserve it.

Terrified of people, having difficulty opening up because they are likely to disappoint me and hurt me.

No motivation to be nice, because then people might 'thank' me or want to be friends with me and then they will find out that I am a worthless piece of crap.

Inability to accept any compliments because they likely have some hidden agenda.

I tend to be cynical. And accept defeat easily.

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Sarah-Sylvia
54 minutes ago, Chihiro said:

My brain thinks I am worthless, hence the constant disappointments that I face. I believe I deserve those disappointments. The result of that is-

 

When people do try to care for me, I push them away. I secretly want their care, but I don't feel I deserve it.

Terrified of people, having difficulty opening up because they are likely to disappoint me and hurt me.

No motivation to be nice, because then people might 'thank' me or want to be friends with me and then they will find out that I am a worthless piece of crap.

Inability to accept any compliments because they likely have some hidden agenda.

I tend to be cynical. And accept defeat easily.


It takes something to be honest about yourself on that level. I'm glad you shared that. I can understand low self-worth. It sucks. I do hope you come to value yourself and see that you deserve to have good stuff. It can take some time, or other things. Sometimes things aren't perfect, and it's not about you. You aren't worthless. It's ok if you have trouble receiving it. I just want to tell you anyway.

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Perspektiv
3 hours ago, Chihiro said:

Inability to accept any compliments because they likely have some hidden agenda.

I tend to be cynical. And accept defeat easily.

I relate to that entire excerpt, minus the defeat part. Mind you, I am just insanely stubborn and don't know how to quit. I also was bullied. I hate people who kick down others so instinctively I have to fight back. I think the bullying put a chip on my shoulder which is the only thing I can think of for my utter refusal to be snuffed out by another or by life.

 

Flaw or quality, depends on who you ask. I think it's more of a flaw as it only helps me in sales and relationships o_O

 

Its one of my biggest flaws. I can't take a random act of kindness at face value. Compliments make me cringe. I always will initially assume something is behind it. 

 

My initial instinct internally is: "Oh thanks..." while awaiting the favor they will ask me for or the list of requests they have been kind to me for. 

 

When someone is being genuine it actually initially confuses me. Then I question their sanity o_O

 

I have been told my heart is made of stone if someone saw me from the outside due to how rigidly I guard it. 

 

Someone gets to know me, knows am warm hearted but due to those disappointments it's made me a bit of a loner that is insanely careful of who I let in on it. I think this is the only reason I am still happy go lucky. I avoid people. 

 

Am definitely cynical. 

 

If people knew how bad, I would hurt their feelings.

 

I guess constant disappointments did affect me.

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Chihiro
13 hours ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:


It takes something to be honest about yourself on that level. I'm glad you shared that. I can understand low self-worth. It sucks. I do hope you come to value yourself and see that you deserve to have good stuff. It can take some time, or other things. Sometimes things aren't perfect, and it's not about you. You aren't worthless. It's ok if you have trouble receiving it. I just want to tell you anyway.

Thanks. Yeah, low self worth sucks. Logically none of the things I said makes sense considering my current life circumstances. I feel like I am faking all the negatives things that I think just so I could self-pity myself and get depressed LOL. But its probably me being cynical and refusing to deal with my negative feelings.

 

I deal with it by not thinking about myself, not doing anything that reminds me of me (aka unworthy piece of crap). So things like genuine compliments, someone caring about me, loving me, thanking me etc reminds me of me and hence I avoid all this. Even when I care about people, help them, etc I do it in a cold manner so that they don't try to thank me or get close to me. I am friendly, nice etc when its all about them haha. So when people say I am nice friend etc, they are people who know very little about me but I know a lot about them. I mostly listen to them and support them from the comforts of my walls.

 

10 hours ago, Perspektiv said:

I think the bullying put a chip on my shoulder which is the only thing I can think of for my utter refusal to be snuffed out by another or by life.

I am glad that bullying had a positive effect on you. I was bullied for 10 years and it was typical mean girls bullying which supposedly hurts emotionally a lot more than physical bullying. The only positive effect that has had on me is that I can put up with a lot more shit from people.... which again isn't really a positive thing because I can't quit from toxic relationships/environments sooner. Instead I just accept defeat and stop fighting back or asking for better treatment and put up with them for a lot longer than I should.

 

10 hours ago, Perspektiv said:

If people knew how bad, I would hurt their feelings.

True. Hence why, I can only get close to people who value my cynical feedback and can put up with it. I am a sucker for complete honesty and will fall head over heels if I find someone who is 100% honest. Even when they say negative things about me to my face (real negative qualities about me, not made-up ones bullies usually say), I feel elated. When they go "The only reason you are doing X is to get Y from me"- I feel proud of them for figuring me out haha.

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Perspektiv
7 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

This kind of behaviour is also far more present in places like car dealerships

Yeah I realized after a job interview 15 years ago, that I wasn't cut for such an industry. 

 

I am honest. Too honest for some, but refuse to change my transparency level, as this is how I have developed long term customer accounts. 

 

People may not like me, but know what to expect from me. Makes them likelier to buy from me. 

 

I was told my way was flawed in all sales jobs I have done, yet have always dominated in sales. I don't care if you accidentally walk into my store asking for directions. I will give you the same level of service.

 

People obsess about the "hunter mentality". To me, people just want to feel valued and be served. But what do I know?

 

Am passionate by nature so my refusal to quit can be a positive. 

 

Am just very blunt with myself in the mirror. I know my assets, but am more focused on my "room for improvement" side. 

 

In a sense, in business that attitude is critical, but I find it can hinder me in instances. Overall it is a quality, though. 

 

I will insist the hardest in instances say, I want to help you. I will insist to point you just give up and allow me to. 

 

8 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

I grow more and more convinced that I should tell people to fuck off from the get go and not help anyone but myself, ever.

I stopped carrying cash on me due to some relatives. I never give cash due to my experience. I only borrow. This, only to people very close to me.

 

Most will force you to chase to get your money back and I don't beg. Period. 

 

Small amounts only. Unless you're my significant other or sibling, sorry.

 

I don't have cash I just had to get my car repaired and am in broke even if I have hundreds or thousands in the account. 

 

Borrow a grand or more? I would have to trust you with my life, or forget about it. 

 

Constant disappointments have made me adjust my approach in refusing to change who I am, but also protecting myself from further disappointment. 

 

Am still a generous person, but found other ways to give back.

 

8 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Oddly enough, in small doses, people find it amusing. 

I think cynicism is okay in moderation. 

 

When I hear of a Canadian getting robbed in Mexico, I think of the stereotype. Overly trusting and friendly. 

 

I won't even get into a cab if it's a hatchback in such countries notorious for kidnappings and robberies. That's how you get ambushed with people ducking and hiding in the back. 

 

My sunglasses are always on, but you bet your bottom dollar that if approached I am scanning your body language, your hands and always check windows for reflections of people behind me. 

 

I assume everyone is a scammer. My trust is earned over time. 

 

I have seen so many scams while traveling, it's not even funny how far some will go to get ahead. 

 

Only way I have been able to stay positive is to adapt to the world while retaining my character. 

 

1 hour ago, Chihiro said:

it was typical mean girls bullying which supposedly hurts emotionally a lot more than physical bullying.

Yeah, women are ruthless bullies. The most painful bullying to me, was a girl I had a crush on. 

 

Asks me to walk with her. I idiotically comply. She tells me she likes me. My spidey senses skyrocket but I keep walking. 

 

She brings me near a group of popular kids and I feel this isn't going to end well. 

 

Then just starts screaming about me grabbing her hand (she grabbed mine last second), yanks it away) and laughs at me for thinking I even had a chance with her (one of my "friends" told her I had a crush on her).

 

That was more damaging to the ego than any beat down a guy could give me. 

 

But, I should thank her. 

 

I was a scrawny geek. 

 

After that, I hit the gym with determination to make her feel stupid. 

 

If anything she made my confidence with women sky high as I had dealt with the worst possible level of rejection so had nothing left to lose.

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Sarah-Sylvia
11 hours ago, Chihiro said:

Thanks. Yeah, low self worth sucks. Logically none of the things I said makes sense considering my current life circumstances. I feel like I am faking all the negatives things that I think just so I could self-pity myself and get depressed LOL. But its probably me being cynical and refusing to deal with my negative feelings.

 

I deal with it by not thinking about myself, not doing anything that reminds me of me (aka unworthy piece of crap). So things like genuine compliments, someone caring about me, loving me, thanking me etc reminds me of me and hence I avoid all this. Even when I care about people, help them, etc I do it in a cold manner so that they don't try to thank me or get close to me. I am friendly, nice etc when its all about them haha. So when people say I am nice friend etc, they are people who know very little about me but I know a lot about them. I mostly listen to them and support them from the comforts of my walls.


I see. Well I'm glad to hear it's not all you feel, even if like you say you're avoiding some things. There's some things we need to put aside for until later, I've seen it plenty.
Honestly I like seeing people's hearts. There's all sorts of feelings there. And it makes sense that sometimes a part of us looks for expressing the negative so that we can actually.. voice it and not totally ignore it, I guess. I've had that lately, since there's some things I haven't been able to say about some of my feelings.

I do think it would be nice if you could let someone in at some point, though I don't know what's best to go about it. I have another friend who always is giving, and trying to help others, but doesn't let anyone help her emotionally even if she has troubles. She feels that it's not worth getting to her, and that she gets enough from giving out, but I do care and sometimes would like to help her as well or give her a place to share some of the pain I know she has in her, but really I don't know if that's the way to go at first. I don't know. How would I tell her that she's worth being listened to and comforted as well?

Oh, and hey, don't forget to check your private messages :)

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🚓💨💨

People are monsters.

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Perspektiv
1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

"the customer is always right".

I hate that line of thinking. A smart business knows when to say no. 

 

If a customer is costing you more money than they are making you profit, then this is not a customer any reasonable business should hold onto. Especially if this is habitual.

 

Keeping all customers happy at all costs no questions asked, loses you tons of money in unwarranted returns and warranty claims. 

 

Learn to say no, but pick your battles wisely. Protect the shit out of your investment with legalese and know when business is best turned aside.

 

I won't tell you to leave but will quote you the asshole tax and when scoffed at, will recommend competitors and stand firm on my price. 

 

IE I had a customer returning an item they clearly damaged. 

 

He blamed our install. I told them we wouldn't have done such a poor install. He eludes to me being a liar. 

 

This is a part worth over a grand. Sorry. Not taking it back if you bent it. 

I mess up, I eat the entire price. 

You're honest, I give you a big break on the repair. 

 

I gave my unfiltered employee the green light to talk to him. 

 

He told him he clearly damaged the part and pointed out to where. 

 

Basically called the customer full of shit but diplomatically as I requested diplomacy.

 

Customer looks to me like I will bail him out. I side with the employee and tell the customer I can send him a quote on replacing the part or the repair on his vehicle. 

 

He tells me he will think about it and never came back for that part. 

 

I know I made the right move as he came back for another install. Of course. I charged the asshole tax this time. He told me I was the cheapest price in town o_O (I marked it up 40% over the retail price)

 

If you as a business feel this is the customer you want to build around, I will show you a business that will be out of business within 5 years. 

 

IE nickle and diming client that then returns a dozen times to repair or replace or get add ons for bullshit complaints.

 

The art here, is being diplomatic in calling someone a moron. 

 

I was accused of damaging a vehicle. Told client it arrived on my lot like this. They protested.

 

I politely told them I will gladly look into it "as I could be wrong but we circle check units upon arrival. I would need to know your cellphone number as you parked by our CCTV camera #4" "Did you want the entire footage?"

 

Funny when politely called out how polite and humble so many people get.

 

Turns out their tech did it and didn't want to take the rap for it.

 

I will stand by an employee as long as you don't bullshit me on what happened. "I did nothing at all...just standing there angelical when all of a sudden" is the beginning of a bullshit story. 

 

1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

With friends like those, who needs enemies.

Seriously. Got rid of them. Best decision ever. 

 

I am a loner for a reason. 

 

I only allow those I value into my circle and love. Could do without the others. 

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Sally
On 12/5/2019 at 3:41 AM, Homer said:

Expect the worst at all times and take everything that doesn't turn out the worst as a nice surprise.

^^.  

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Hanas

It's definitely ... Not the same for everybody and not ALL outcomes must have been disappointing. Of course, there's going to be some variance. I've known people who had really disasterous things happen to them pretty often say they have a "wonderful life", while others that hadn't suffered any tragedies (at least yet) say they're a disgrace, etc. It's definitely not the same for everybody, and it's dumb to think so, at the very least lol.

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gisiebob
2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Funny you should mention that. Im waiting for a previous job business to crash and burn, especially when this malpractice was warned againts by staff from the sales department as well as me, who basically was the manager of storage and inventory Iinnumerable times. 

 

I didnt have the title officially but did all the work from stock to inventory and everything in between and was regarded by others as such. But since the head manager and I didnt see eye to eye, especially when on 2 separate occasions I warned him and he did not do as I said only to have it blow up in his face exactly as I told him it would, my words were not listened to.

 

I also recentely heard from a former coworker there that one of the higher ups got fired for covering sexual harrasment. I only wish I could have been at that exact moment.

 

but do you still carry this place with you on your back? I know somehow we are supposed to learn from our mistakes but is your feeling of redemption here self imprisonment to the ways that you were wronged?

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Perspektiv

I've worked for so many business owners that refused to keep their ears to the street, so to speak. Refused to listen to their "foot soldiers" at the front end, who are in closest touch with clientele which to me is insane.  Refused to listen to customer feedback, and refused to self-assess and pursue growth.

 

Each and every one of them, ultimately (and eventually) went out of business. Customers speak with their feet, usually.

 

I worked for a retail giant a long while ago, that had coke head owners.

 

Same difference. Horrific safety standards, so many lawsuits against due to preventable injuries.

 

The managers were paid shit, so didn't give a shit. So you just had an imploding business, and the nice commercials and shiny pamphlet mail outs weren't enough to hide it.

 

So many were shocked when the company had to declare bankruptcy, but to see how it was run, I was shocked they lasted as long as they did.

 

I've also worked for so many cheap bosses.

 

Worst of the type, are the ones that will lie to you about salary expectations. I.E Tell you you'll get a .50 cent raise, in 3 months. A year later, they're telling you "soon, soon", as soon as you approach them, hoping you just give up and accept the status quo.

 

I even had a boss lie about benefits and life insurance in the interview. Turned out there wasn't any coverage, whatsoever. It wasn't shown on the ad, and was only verbal.

 

Needless to say, when I found out I wasn't covered, I had required major surgery that came out of pocket. I made a quick bee line for the exit door.

 

I just refuse to change my morals just because so many people are deceptive pieces of shit.

 

It can be disheartening, but I focus solely on what I bring to the world, and what I can do within my power.

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