Spectrum & Other Stuff Questionnaire

[DoubleATripleA]

This is only to see what everyone thinks on these different things, I am not trying to cause trouble or invalidate people's labels themselves. I do believe the labels I used in these questions (aka lith, grey, demi and fray) are used to describe valid ways to experience sexual or romantic attraction, but are not to do with asexuality or aromanticism. That is my opinion. 

 

So yeah, don't be dicks to each other, please. If you want to talk about these questions, then do so civilly. Not everyone will have the same viewpoints as you, even if most people here are all either Aro and/or Ace. Just yelling at others for different views, without making any actual points or arguments, makes us look more like a joke to allos and further pushes back Ace and Aro awareness and acceptance.

 

Ok, disclaimer over. Have fun m8teas!

[Iam9man]

I’ll be interested in the results. Suspect this may blow up but let’s see! 🤔

[maybeimamazed]

Oh boy.

 

I'm all for making things as simple as possible. This whole concept of an "umbrella" or a "spectrum" is pretty much the opposite of that. If you experience sexual or romantic attraction at all, you're sexual/romantic

 

So the answer to "Should Demi, Grey, etc. Have Their Own Communities Instead of Being in Aro/Ace ones?" is neither. Not in the ace community nor in a separate community. If they're exclusively into the same gender, they belong in the gay/lesbian community. If they're into multiple gender/regardless of gender, they belong in the bi/pan community. If they're exclusively into the opposite gender, they're straight.

 

How often you experience sexual attraction or in which circumstances - while relevant as far as personal experiences are concerned -  is unnecessary minutiae in the bigger picture. Why isn't there a word for bisexuals that have a preference for a certain gender? Or for heterosexuals/homosexuals with a preference for trans individuals? And so on.

 

If you experience sexual/romantic attraction so damn rarely that it might as well be nonexistent, then you're just aro and/or ace. Again, let's make things simple.

 

But I obviously have no power over how people choose to identify.

[MichaelTannock]

It might be helpful to know how those are defined on AVEN:

 

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Spectrum: A range of intensity of sexuality from asexual to sexual. People may use the term “asexual spectrum” to refer to a range close to the asexual end – levels of sexuality that are so low that they identify more with asexuality than other sexual identities.

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Ace: An informal label for asexuals or people under the asexual umbrella.

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Asexual umbrella: Asexuality and identities similar to asexuality, like demisexuality or graysexuality that are closely connected in a broader community.

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Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships (or the adjective describing a person as such).

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Demisexual: Someone who can only experience sexual attraction or desire after an emotional bond has been formed (or the adjective describing a person as such). This is different from the choice to abstain from sex until certain criteria are met.

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Gray-asexual (gray-a) or gray-sexual: Someone who identifies with the area between asexuality and sexuality (or the adjective describing a person as such). For example, they may experience sexual attraction very rarely, only under specific circumstances, or of an intensity so low that is ignorable and not a necessity in relationships. (Note: the spelling of gray/grey may vary by country.)

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Sexual attraction: Desire to have sexual contact with someone else or to share our sexuality with them. (Note: sexual attraction does not need to be based on appearance, and can also develop gradually over time.)

 

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Romantic attraction: Desire of being romantically involved with another person, or holding strong romantic feelings towards another person.

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Romantic orientation: An identity or label typically based on the gendered direction of romantic attraction. For example, heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, or aromantic are romantic orientations. Some people may have different sexual and romantic orientations (e.g. a biromantic asexual).

 

[CBC]

I'm not sure how to interpret the questions. Do you actually mean are these things on a spectrum, which is what the wording would imply, or do you mean are they a spectrum themselves? Because those are two different things. Would like that clarified before I vote.

[DoubleATripleA]

2 hours ago, CBC said:

I'm not sure how to interpret the questions. Do you actually mean are these things on a spectrum, which is what the wording would imply, or do you mean are they a spectrum themselves? Because those are two different things. Would like that clarified before I vote.

I mean asexuality and aromanticism on a spectrum

[hellwyr]

On 12/3/2019 at 8:01 PM, maybeimamazed said:

Oh boy.

 

I'm all for making things as simple as possible. This whole concept of an "umbrella" or a "spectrum" is pretty much the opposite of that. If you experience sexual or romantic attraction at all, you're sexual/romantic

 

So the answer to "Should Demi, Grey, etc. Have Their Own Communities Instead of Being in Aro/Ace ones?" is neither. Not in the ace community nor in a separate community. If they're exclusively into the same gender, they belong in the gay/lesbian community. If they're into multiple gender/regardless of gender, they belong in the bi/pan community. If they're exclusively into the opposite gender, they're straight.

 

How often you experience sexual attraction or in which circumstances - while relevant as far as personal experiences are concerned -  is unnecessary minutiae in the bigger picture. Why isn't there a word for bisexuals that have a preference for a certain gender? Or for heterosexuals/homosexuals with a preference for trans individuals? And so on.

 

If you experience sexual/romantic attraction so damn rarely that it might as well be nonexistent, then you're just aro and/or ace. Again, let's make things simple.

 

But I obviously have no power over how people choose to identify.

Hi! I find your opinion quite interesting as you bring up a number of points that are not often thought of when discussing asexuality.

 

However (and this is meant as genuine interest and not as an attack to your opinion and view on the matter), I'd like to know why you think that demi/gray/fray/etc people often prefer to be considered part of the ace and aro community instead of that of their sexual or romantic preferences.

   - Could it be because of exclusionism in the LGTB+ community? 

   - Could it be the fact that the allo "community" is generally misinformed or plainly doesn't know about aromanticism and asexuality and the (widely accepted) variants on the spectrum and non-100% aro/aces prefer to be part of a community that has knowledge and sensibility towards them?

   - Similarly, but on a more intimate or emotional level, non-100% folks do have a knowledge and conscience on sexual and romantic attraction - or lack of thereof - that allo people don't often need to think about. Could this make them feel closer to fully aro/ace folks than allos, even if they do experience attraction?

Part of my point with these questions is that I think a community shouldn't be treated as a bucket list, where if you don't completely tick all of the boxes, you're out. Especially when talking about something so nuanced as one's sexual and romantic attraction, you need a community that can help you understand yourself better and support you. Right now, I feel that the aro/ace community is the community that can provide that for folks that are not completely asexual or aromantic.

But of course, you're entitled to have your own opinion as no opinions are true in this world!

Edited Sunday at 07:08 PM by hellwyr

[maybeimamazed]

18 hours ago, hellwyr said:

Hi! I find your opinion quite interesting as you bring up a number of points that are not often thought of when discussing asexuality.

 

However (and this is meant as genuine interest and not as an attack to your opinion and view on the matter), I'd like to know why you think that demi/gray/fray/etc people often prefer to be considered part of the ace and aro community instead of that of their sexual or romantic preferences.

   - Could it be because of exclusionism in the LGTB+ community? 

   - Could it be the fact that the allo "community" is generally misinformed or plainly doesn't know about aromanticism and asexuality and the (widely accepted) variants on the spectrum and non-100% aro/aces prefer to be part of a community that has knowledge and sensibility towards them?

   - Similarly, but on a more intimate or emotional level, non-100% folks do have a knowledge and conscience on sexual and romantic attraction - or lack of thereof - that allo people don't often need to think about. Could this make them feel closer to fully aro/ace folks than allos, even if they do experience attraction?

Part of my point with these questions is that I think a community shouldn't be treated as a bucket list, where if you don't completely tick all of the boxes, you're out. Especially when talking about something so nuanced as one's sexual and romantic attraction, you need a community that can help you understand yourself better and support you. Right now, I feel that the aro/ace community is the community that can provide that for folks that are not completely asexual or aromantic.

But of course, you're entitled to have your own opinion as no opinions are true in this world!

Hi! Well, I think grays and demis identify more strongly with the ace community because - from their perspective - casual sex is very prevalent in society, so they feel like outcasts.

 

I freely admit that it's all about perspective, because I grew up with people that wouldn't even blink at the concept of demisexuality. In my group of friends (my current friends and the ones I grew up with), requiring an emotional bond before you experience sexual attraction is the norm, not the exception.

 

Here's the thing though. I think words should mean something. While it's important to make people feel comfortable and accepted, labels matter. I'm sure there are gay people who are more comfortable identifying as bisexual, because that means their family will be more accepting. But that's disrespectful to the bi community (I'm not trying to say grays/demis are disrespectful, it's just an example).