i am confusion

[evren from mars]

I just went on my first date ever, and really didn't like it. From the hand holding to the smitten smiles and compliments, it made me feels so weird. A romantic partner sounds good in theory, but in practice it weirds me out. Kissing, hugging, and handholding have always been platonic to me, this new version just doesnt feel right. Everyone is telling me that it's normal to have different ways of romantics affection, but right now its making my skin crawl. Am I just touch starved, weird, or aromantic???

-signed, a guy who is starting to question

[Lord Jade Cross]

.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Holding hands on the first date?  I'm someone very affectionate so I wouldn't mind it, but it sounds rather fast, to me. And, any kiss would be a peck at first, usually. And both people should want to. You need to work at your pace, if they go too fast you need to talk about it at some point or else you'll feel dragged into it.

I would hold off on thinking you're aromantic, even if it's possible. You may just not be connecting with intimacy for some reason. But in whatever case you'll learn more how you feel. Maybe try to see if you can take it slower, and come to bond with the person first. They're moving faster ahead than you are then you'll feel like you have to play along rather than grow closer together.

Good luck coming to understand yourself
 

[Janus the Fox]

That’s a lot for a first date for anybody to me.

[Dr. Beat]

I can understand that. I feel very infrequent romantic attraction, but don't really know what to do with it. Continued hand holding is sweaty, kissing is gross, continued cuddling feels weird. That's why I refer to myself as 'mostly aro' rather than grayromantic. But it may be good for you to look around before sticking with a specific label unless you're very sure on what feels right. If you pick a label and it turns out to be the wrong one, no big deal. You can always change it.

[Memento1]

Awww, I'm sorry.  Sounds like it was an awkward date!

 

Don't make any sweeping generalizations out of one date.  It could be you didn't click with that person.  It could be the pace is too fast and you don't feel affection on a first date.  It could be you express affection in a different way.  It could be you build so much anxiety out of following the dating "script" that you can't enjoy any of it.  That last one is the real stickler for me.  I can't get the "script" of what society says is expected on a date (or in romance) out of my head, and it creates way too much pressure.

 

Look at it as a learning experience.  You discovered something didn't fit right for you - great!  Try another experiment by changing up the variables.  See if you can call it a dinner with a friend instead of a date. Say you'd like to try a slower pace.  Try it with someone else.  There are some things you can't deduce by going around and around with them in your head; you have to be a scientist and experiment.

[forelskelse]

9 minutes ago, Memento1 said:

Look at it as a learning experience.  You discovered something didn't fit right for you - great!  Try another experiment by changing up the variables.  See if you can call it a dinner with a friend instead of a date. Say you'd like to try a slower pace.  Try it with someone else.  There are some things you can't deduce by going around and around with them in your head; you have to be a scientist and experiment.

I second, third, fourth and fifth this! 

 

I think for most everyone, first dates almost always feel some degree of weird. But the level of weirdness and uncomfortability really does depend a lot on the person you are with, as well as what you do, how expectations are set in advance, what your mood is going in and lots of other factors -- the position of Mercury in the heavens maybe. So you needn't give up on "dates" as a concept. You can do exactly was that comment recommended: Change up the variables. If nothing else, it'll be an opportunity to learn more about yourself.