Hypothetical vs. Actual Romance

[IrishArcher]

I'm going to try to sort out my thoughts here, so I apologize if I start rambling. I'll try to lay out a series of points to see if they make sense.

 

1. Before I accepted that I was asexual, I used to think I couldn't be because I liked the idea of sex as a concept. Eventually, I was able to separate hypothetical sex from actual sex as I realized I never wanted to do it with a real person. This did not involve actually experimenting or trying to have sex with anyone.

 

2. For a long time, I have liked the idea of romance as a concept. I think this feels different from the way I view sex because I can imagine romance with real people and I don't hate it (I think I like it?) - plus I know I have experienced legitimate romantic attraction at least once in my life and I would like to feel it again. I want a close relationship with somebody, and I would like to experience romantic feelings within that relationship.

 

3. The one person I know I felt romantically for was a woman, so I have taken to calling myself homoromantic based on available evidence. I only started feeling strongly about her after our first date, which went really well. I frequently experience aesthetic attraction to women and I feel more comfortable with the idea of dating them. However, due to a lack of data, I feel I cannot rule out that I may be capable of feeling romantic attraction toward men and other genders at some point in the future, considering that I at least know I am capable of romantic attraction period.

 

4. I have recently started trying to consider some people as romantic prospects. I've gone on dates with a couple girls, and I've found that I really like hanging out with them because we are compatible in a lot of ways and we share a lot of the same interests (in much the same way I felt compatible with the one girl I did like after the first date). However, even the most theoretically promising date experiences have left me feeling little more than platonic attraction as far as I can tell. I don't feel anything close to what I know as romantic attraction even when I want to or feel like I should. Even though I can imagine myself being happy in a romantic relationship with a particular girl, it's not something I strongly desire or even think about except in passing. I feel a disconnect because I want a romantic relationship, and I feel compatible with a person I could potentially date, but I can't seem to click the two concepts into place with each other the way it seems most people naturally do.

 

5. I'm beginning to think I'm probably gray-romantic and my rare bouts of romantic attraction have no apparent logic to them. This is frustrating because I want to like certain people (it would make sense to like certain people) but I don't know if I can. I want a relationship, but I don't know if I can feel romantic attraction to anyone in my life right now (or possibly ever again), and I don't know if I want a romantic relationship without that attraction involved. I'm not sure what to do moving forward, but I'm afraid to keep dating around if I think I'm just going to end up having to tell everyone I don't feel anything for them. I'm especially frustrated by my inability to predict if attraction might be possible, because as far as I know, there is nothing concrete that distinguishes my experiences with people I'm not romantically attracted to from the person I was romantically attracted to. Ugh.

[Velvet Eden]

I am still sorta sorting out my romantic attraction myself. I think I'm aro but the idea of relationships is appealing. And now I'm having this conflicting feeling of weather I could be in a relationship or not. I can't speak much on the subject but my advice would be "Even if you do not feel romantic attraction. if you enjoy being around them then that should be enough. Friendship is an important foundation of a romantic relationship." sorry if this does not help  I'm sorta bad at giving advice.