Labels VS Identity

[swinter]

I have been thinking a lot about the different labels people choose to use, and the difference between the labels have and the identities we have. I know that for many people, labels help them understand who they are and find a community. They help us tell other people about important parts of us and find other people that are like us. But I often feel a disconnect between the word I choose to stick on myself and my identity as a whole. At times I think it is because I dislike labels and there is such a pressure to label ourselves, and at times I fear I haven't found the right label.

Have you felt like whatever label you use has been able to properly reflect your identity? Why do you choose to use or not use labels? For what purposes do you use labels? Do you find them beneficial?

[Would love to hear thoughts: all experiences are valid]

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I don't really see much of a difference. My "labels" are just descriptors of my identity.

[kenny.]

hmm, well, there’s obviously not one single label that can reflect my (or anyone’s) identity. that being said, the labels i have received or chosen for myself do represent different aspects of my identity. i specifically think of identity as the collection of characteristics that can be used to define the kind of person i am, so labels seem to me like an easy way of explaining those personal characteristics in more of a mainstream way. people understand labels, they make things less confusing sometimes. i find them beneficial because i can understand people easier that way, and vice versa (i would hope). @Anthracite_Impreza did a good job of explaining what i think in a nutshell, it is simply a descriptor.

 

i do think that labels have the potential to get out of hand, but this is because when labels get far too specific and obscure, they lose the value of connection to others. if labels are difficult for almost anyone to understand, sometimes it’s more confusing.

[MoraDollie]

This is why microlabels are really useful in these kinds of circumstances. A lot of people might say "I'm asexual, but I have a sex positive and sex favorable attitude" for that reason they might take on a more specific label (like cupiosexual) because while they do identify as asexual, they still might find it difficult to navigate through the 'waters' of the community and finding the specific niche within said community that really speaking to them and where they feel really comfortable in. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

I don't know why there's a pressure to label yourself. For me, I try to use them for convenience. It helps me say how I am, even if it doesn't list everything.
I do feel good about saying I'm demisexual now, though I know it's a lot more convoluted than that, and I mentioned how in a post I made. For ease, I use the three labels I'm comfortable with right now, and besides that I have my own identity, and maybe I'll be good at defining it, I just know that I relate to and identify with being female, and at some point it'll be important for people to know I'm transgender. It's just a label, but it says a lot about my identity too, and I want to be more of myself, so I have to leave it open to what it really means to be me, or more of me. Everyone's their own person, however that is. We also are who we are in the moment, and you can hardly put a label on it all. Even identity is more of a helper, to help understand some things about yourself.  But I do know more about myself, and the labels and identity help along that too. Who are you, and how do you love to be? ❤️
 

[Galactic Turtle]

For me, labels are simply individual descriptors that help inform identity: goth/jock, black/white, gay/straight, man/woman, Scorpio/Taurus, left-handed/right-handed, Canadian/Mexican, Ivy League grad/community college dropout, fat/thin, Christian/Muslim, old/young.

 

Obviously these days race, sexuality, and gender are at the forefront of a lot of peoples' conscious simply because it is all talked about constantly. This could just be my perception as someone who only became of age to vote in 2012, I really have no idea what the discourse surrounding these topics was like prior to the Obama encore era in the United States. I arrived in New York City for college in the aftermath of Occupy Wall Street and during my time there witnessed first hand large public demonstrations surrounding the Black Lives Matter movement and the legalization of gay marriage across the country. Shortly after graduating but still residing in New York City, the Me Too movement blew up and Trump was elected so... very interesting times! However because of this I find it automatically exhausting to talk about identity with other people face to face. It's like I'm expected to follow a script like each identity label must automatically match up with a predetermined set of opinions and experiences. This is because of the seemingly (to me) sudden explosion of identity politics.

 

If I were to describe myself using labels, it would be a long list of what people would consider to be a "minority label" which means to some extent every basic descriptor of myself in the race/sexuality/gender brackets is considered to be a marginalized group and has become inherently political. It didn't take me very long during my college years to quickly grow tired of how often people brought up these aspects about me to either be the primary motivator for becoming friends (as opposed to interests/hobbies/personality) or as a template to then presume what my opinions were on a whole range of topics. The most valued parts of myself I felt were being obscured by essentially my own census data.

 

While I am certainly more aware now of how many of my life experiences were in some way shaped by what I am internally/externally labeled as, it all seems like just the foundation of my existence and at this point in time I've had 26 years to build off that foundation becoming my own person. I've never felt any pressure to label myself. For me, the labels most people seem so caught up with already existed from the moment I was born. They're there clear as day and they're not going away. They're facts. What I don't do and have never seemingly been able to do is allow these basic identifiers to be front and center of how I think of myself as a person. When I think of myself, I think of my hobbies, interests, accomplishments, the places I've been, the friends I've made, etc. "Black asexual woman" seems pretty impersonal. I'm certainly not going to become friends with someone because they are also a black asexual woman, that's for sure.

 

As for labels involving sexuality in general, I never thought about it growing up. It was the default to be straight. I never really heard about anyone not being straight until high school (because I'd hear discussions about it on the news every now and then) and to not be straight meant you'd probably be disowned, couldn't get married, and had to keep it a secret if you were to serve in the military. Sounds like a pretty bad deal. Why explore your sexuality when it seems like anything other than the default will just make your life more difficult? I wasn't developing crushes on my same sex classmates. End of discussion. Growing up it seemed more important to determine your official Hogwarts house than figure out what your sexuality was. Meanwhile if anyone were to attempt talking about all the things going on in the gender discussion these days back then I'd think they were insane. Naturally, that means I never thought of gender labels as they exist separately from sex growing up which eliminated by default any pressure I might feel to pick one.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

21 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

For me, labels are simply individual descriptors that help inform identity: goth/jock, black/white, gay/straight, man/woman, Scorpio/Taurus, left-handed/right-handed, Canadian/Mexican, Ivy League grad/community college dropout, fat/thin, Christian/Muslim, old/young.

 

[...]

As for labels involving sexuality in general, I never thought about it growing up. It was the default to be straight. I never really heard about anyone not being straight until high school (because I'd hear discussions about it on the news every now and then) and to not be straight meant you'd probably be disowned, couldn't get married, and had to keep it a secret if you were to serve in the military. Sounds like a pretty bad deal. Why explore your sexuality when it seems like anything other than the default will just make your life more difficult? I wasn't developing crushes on my same sex classmates. End of discussion. Growing up it seemed more important to determine your official Hogwarts house than figure out what your sexuality was. Meanwhile if anyone were to attempt talking about all the things going on in the gender discussion these days I'd think they were insane.

Identity has become something bigger. And I think it makes sense, because people these days are uncovering and defining themselves more. It's something that's become part of consciousness, like I think you mentioned. Gender has become such a big array of ways to be... like you might say, more about someone, their hobbies and things they do, and I'd also say 'ways' they do. That's gender expression, and it's not like someone of one gender has to be limited to one, but they do still exist. No way before this day would a raw human have thought that male and female would mean so much, but they do, and whether it's a kind of potential, or a brain is literally wired according to gender (influenced by the person's sex), there's at the very least evidence for that male and female gender identity are a thing, based on what was found, for how someone can be oriented. Then if we say well those are just the extremes of the 'configuration' (the way the brain is wired), then the identities can be labeled for very real ways someone can be. Of course there's going to be a spectrum in between, and that's why there's so many kinds of gender identities, but you have more of the binary ones than non-binary ones, in general.

Anyway, I don't know if I misunderstood your post  or not, but I just wanted to offer that there is a reason for there being all those labels and identities, and it's to help people understand how someone is. People are so stuck in old ways of thinking, it takes the labels and explanations for people to be like oh yeah ok so you think(or feel) like a girl, that's why you're like this or would like to feel accepted for a certain way. We really need those labels, so we can enlighten consciousness, adding more flexibility in the world. People need to be understood and allowed to be who they are without feeling uncomfortable or like they're broken.

Well, that's a side for what I think they're important. Of course though, we're still beyond them as well, but they can be nice pointers sometimes.

[Galactic Turtle]

15 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Anyway, I don't know if I misunderstood your post  or not, but I just wanted to offer that there is a reason for there being all those labels and identities, and it's to help people understand how someone is. People are so stuck in old ways of thinking, it takes the labels and explanations for people to be like oh yeah ok so you think(or feel) like a girl, that's why you're like this or would like to feel accepted for a certain way. We really need those labels, so we can enlighten consciousness, adding more flexibility in the world. People need to be understood and allowed to be who they are without feeling uncomfortable or like they're broken.

I wasn't arguing that there shouldn't be labels, I was saying that I've never felt the pressure to choose labels (as the OP was asking) then providing background on how things were perceived in various time periods of my life that I think influences how much descriptors of my existence matter to me on an internal level day to day. I never worried about choosing a sexuality label because sexuality was not a discussion. I never worried about choosing a gender identity because gender was not a discussion. I was also clearly visibly black so that was not a discussion. I also stated that due to labels surrounding race/sex/gender these days I find it exhausting/irritating to talk about it face to face with others because every single descriptor I have comes with varying sized buckets of assumptions about my political and social viewpoints because on pretty much all fronts I am considered to be marginalized. When I was 18 I had to sit through a long public lecture about how the way I wear my hair is inherently political because I'm black. That's exhausting. To me labels are just facts, not something that consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. And honestly part of that is thanks to the times. My parents grew up in the segregated south. They had daily negative reminders that they were black. I'm a woman yet I won't be outcasted by society if I choose to not marry. This was not always the case. My gender expression is pretty masculine. That doesn't matter now but a while ago it would.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

5 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

I wasn't arguing that there shouldn't be labels, I was saying that I've never felt the pressure to choose labels (as the OP was asking) then providing background on how things were perceived in various time periods of my life that I think influences how much descriptors of my existence matter to me on an internal level day to day. I never worried about choosing a sexuality label because sexuality was not a discussion. I never worried about choosing a gender identity because gender was not a discussion. I was also clearly visibly black so that was not a discussion. I also stated that due to labels surrounding race/sex/gender these days I find it exhausting/irritating to talk about it face to face with others because every single descriptor I have comes with varying sized buckets of assumptions about my political and social viewpoints because on pretty much all fronts I am considered to be marginalized. When I was 18 I had to sit through a long public lecture about how the way I wear my hair is inherently political because I'm black. That's exhausting. To me labels are just facts, not something that consumes my thoughts on a daily basis.

Interesting. And I apologize, I even have trouble understanding even now, but maybe not too far off? dunno. You don't talk about your identities, but they're important to you, right? Did you stick with the ones you had, or did you discover more of yourself, and how you might be? Do you wear your hair like you want to, or like you think you should?
I might not understand what makes it political, but in the end doesn't it come down to being yourself? If someone asks you why you do this or that, or wear certain things, or don't have sex, what do you say?

For me, a label can be freeing, and I think that's what some people enjoy about saying to others who or how they are. They could just be themselves without having to say it, but .. sometimes you want to be understood, you know?

[Galactic Turtle]

31 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Interesting. And I apologize, I even have trouble understanding even now, but maybe not too far off? dunno. You don't talk about your identities, but they're important to you, right? Did you stick with the ones you had, or did you discover more of yourself, and how you might be? Do you wear your hair like you want to, or like you think you should?
I might not understand what makes it political, but in the end doesn't it come down to being yourself? If someone asks you why you do this or that, or wear certain things, or don't have sex, what do you say?

For me, a label can be freeing, and I think that's what some people enjoy about saying to others who or how they are. They could just be themselves without having to say it, but .. sometimes you want to be understood, you know?

My identities are important insofar as they are factual. If someone said I was not black I'd be caught off guard. In fact there were multiple cases when I was younger that people would say I wasn't "really" black because I developed an early interest in rock music as opposed to rap or hip-hop. "Being black" meant you listen to certain music. That's the type of stuff surrounding identity I dislike - taking facts to then presume several unrelated things... otherwise really known as stereotypes. I also recognize that being in a certain demographic means I have experiences that others not in my demographic would probably not have. Not every kid cries when they get a doll that's the same color as them because they think it's ugly but that's a common experience amongst black people. Nothing to bond over to the extent that I'm now going to go out of my way to become friends with the person or make it the center of my existence but it is something I relate to. I relate to the experiences of people who went to all girls schools too since that was my experience.

 

As for hair, natural African hair in the United States is commonly seen as ugly or improper. At schools it can be against dress code for black people to put their hair into braids and at work letting out natural hair (as opposed to straightened hair) can be seen as unprofessional or even against workplace policy. The straightening of black hair is seen as an attempt to emulate whiteness. Nevertheless, this was the popular style amongst black women in particular for a long time. In recent years the natural hair movement came back in full swing and in college our Black Student Union even had to go so far as to put out a notice to essentially not be mean to black students who still straightened their hair. As for me personally, I wear my hair just how I determine the rest of my style: what's the most functional? To me women's clothes and fancy hairstyles (whether natural or straightened) were never functional so naturally I avoided these things. I put my hair in a bun. Its straightness depends on if I had enough time to dry via leaving in braids overnight of if I just took a blowdryer to it (which is more harmful but takes far less time). But no I don't just wash it and leave it be. It's like taming a jungle given how much hair I have. Taking a brush to it would be quite painful as well.

 

If someone asks me why I don't have sex, I say it's because I have no interest in having sex. If someone asks why I shop in the men's section, I say it's because I like the clothes in the men's section. For me since labels are simply factual, I don't view them as freeing. Recognizing that the sky is blue is not freeing. People knowing how I might fill out my census data also in no way means they now suddenly understand me as a person either. Like I stated earlier, those who share my big name labels (black, female, asexual) are indeed likely to share experiences with me and that can be interesting to talk about (thus me being on AVEN in the first place) but when I'm out and about in the world it is hardly my focus. I barely have any identities in common with my friends. We just like the same stuff and have compatible personalities. 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

27 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

My identities are important insofar as they are factual. If someone said I was not black I'd be caught off guard. In fact there were multiple cases when I was younger that people would say I wasn't "really" black because I developed an early interest in rock music as opposed to rap or hip-hop. "Being black" meant you listen to certain music. That's the type of stuff surrounding identity I dislike - taking facts to then presume several unrelated things... otherwise really known as stereotypes. I also recognize that being in a certain demographic means I have experiences that others not in my demographic would probably not have. Not every kid cries when they get a doll that's the same color as them because they think it's ugly but that's a common experience amongst black people. Nothing to bond over to the extent that I'm now going to go out of my way to become friends with the person or make it the center of my existence but it is something I relate to. I relate to the experiences of people who went to all girls schools too since that was my experience.

 

As for hair, natural African hair in the United States is commonly seen as ugly or improper. At schools it can be against dress code for black people to put their hair into braids and at work letting out natural hair (as opposed to straightened hair) can be seen as unprofessional or even against workplace policy. The straightening of black hair is seen as an attempt to emulate whiteness. Nevertheless, this was the popular style amongst black women in particular for a long time. In recent years the natural hair movement came back in full swing and in college our Black Student Union even had to go so far as to put out a notice to essentially not be mean to black students who still straightened their hair. As for me personally, I wear my hair just how I determine the rest of my style: what's the most functional? To me women's clothes and fancy hairstyles (whether natural or straightened) were never functional so naturally I avoided these things. I put my hair in a bun. Its straightness depends on if I had enough time to dry via leaving in braids overnight of if I just took a blowdryer to it (which is more harmful but takes far less time). But no I don't just wash it and leave it be. It's like taming a jungle given how much hair I have. Taking a brush to it would be quite painful as well.

 

If someone asks me why I don't have sex, I say it's because I have no interest in having sex. If someone asks why I shop in the men's section, I say it's because I like the clothes in the men's section. For me since labels are simply factual, I don't view them as freeing. Recognizing that the sky is blue is not freeing. People knowing how I might fill out my census data also in no way means they now suddenly understand me as a person either. Like I stated earlier, those who share my big name labels (black, female, asexual) are indeed likely to share experiences with me and that can be interesting to talk about (thus me being on AVEN in the first place) but when I'm out and about in the world it is hardly my focus. I barely have any identities in common with my friends. We just like the same stuff and have compatible personalities. 

 

Ok then
It's rather interesting to see what you share because it seems almost juxtaposed to how I think in some ways, and somehow it's like I'm an inflated balloon that just won't sink in the water around you. I don't know if that makes sense. Is it possible there's more  masculine perspective somehow?, which is interesting. Maybe I'm wrong too, but you did talk about being functional.

I guess just not having a focus on labels isn't anything anything hard to explain, but I feel like there's gotta be more to it, because there's lots you're either not saying or it's layed out in the ocean and I can't see it all, hah.

So the 'conformation' of black people to be more like white people is one thing, and then there's also the stereotypes on the other end, both are expectations that are ridiculous, of course, and it's true hair is just hair, I mean you should be able to have natural hair, lol.

Have you ever thought about your gender? Or have you just always felt comfortable being considered female? Do you feel like there were expectations from that that was.. irritating to you? Just wondering

[Galactic Turtle]

14 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Have you ever thought about your gender? Or have you just always felt comfortable being considered female? Do you feel like there were expectations from that that was.. irritating to you? Just wondering

Nope. Any discomfort I've had with being female has come with how females are viewed in society, not a lack of alignment between my brain and my body. Issues with my body stem from how female bodies (black female bodies in particular) are so heavily sexualized. Now working in a male dominated field, I obviously had more masculine academic interests while younger and as a girl that posed certain difficulties that I wouldn't have had if I were a boy when I wanted to explore those interests further (robotics, carpentry, concert production, etc.). Stereotypes about how young girls should be most often never applied to me but since boys were not introduced into my social environment until high school I honestly never got made fun of for my more stereotypically masculine traits growing up. We were all girls and we were all "allowed" to be how we wanted to be. For this reason it was quite a shock in high school when all of a sudden boys were added to the equation with preconceived notions of what girls could be good at or interested in. It made me furious. Because I'm cis, the answer to my discomfort was not to transition or change my pronouns, it was just to accept that there are an infinite amount of ways one can be a woman, and I'm just one of the infinite amount of examples. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

27 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Nope. Any discomfort I've had with being female has come with how females are viewed in society, not a lack of alignment between my brain and my body. Issues with my body stem from how female bodies (black female bodies in particular) are so heavily sexualized. Now working in a male dominated field, I obviously had more masculine academic interests while younger and as a girl that posed certain difficulties that I wouldn't have had if I were a boy when I wanted to explore those interests further (robotics, carpentry, concert production, etc.). Stereotypes about how young girls should be most often never applied to me but since boys were not introduced into my social environment until high school I honestly never got made fun of for my more stereotypically masculine traits growing up. We were all girls and we were all "allowed" to be how we wanted to be. For this reason it was quite a shock in high school when all of a sudden boys were added to the equation with preconceived notions of what girls could be good at or interested in. It made me furious. Because I'm cis, the answer to my discomfort was not to transition or change my pronouns, it was just to accept that there are an infinite amount of ways one can be a woman, and I'm just one of the infinite amount of examples. 

Ok well put. I definitely think that it's a big issue, gender norms, because most people aren't trans, they're just... themselves as cis, and they can be molded by society's norms, which happens a whole lot, or find ways to be themselves regardless of them. Sometimes  that's all it is, other times it can be finding something that'll help, like a group of clique that you connect to, not just for support but also defining yourself.

So you dont care that much to define yourself, I think? And that's cool, it's straightforward, in a way. I didn't bother defining myself before either, but I got molded. And in my case, because of being trans, it's something I despise, it makes it so hard for me to break the conditioning. I need all the bits of help I can get, and I think the label/identify adds to that help. For some it really helps a lot, seen it around a lot too.

I would say, in a way, it's also functional to carry labels, because then there isn't 'quite' as much lingering misaligned stereotypes, if people know. As soon as someone around knows I'm trans, they don't have as many masculine expectations of me. Of course, a guy should be able to be feminine without being trans, so I believe more work needs to be done on culture, but in the meantime, there isn't quite a good label for a feminine man, almost all of them are insulting and unless is gay, it's not that accepted, in the attitudes around, which is one more ridiculous thing, but I recognize it as a remnant of the past, kinda.

I know I'm just rambling a little bit there, but I think the point is that we're all different, and for some, the labels will help guide them through and be more understood, in a world of silly expectations, whether norms or stereotypes.

[Galactic Turtle]

21 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Ok well put. I definitely think that it's a big issue, gender norms, because most people aren't trans, they're just... themselves as cis, and they can be molded by society's norms, which happens a whole lot, or find ways to be themselves regardless of them. Sometimes  that's all it is, other times it can be finding a group of clique that you connect to, not just for support but also defining yourself.

But you dont care that much to define yourself, I think? And that's cool, it's straightforward, in a way. I didn't bother defining myself either, but I still got molded. And in my case, being trans, it's something I despise, it makes it so hard for me to break the conditioning. I need all the bits of help I can get, and I think the label/identify adds to that help. For some it really helps a lot, seen it around a lot too.

I would say, in a way, it's also functional to carry labels, because then there isn't 'quite' as much lingering misaligned stereotypes. As soon as someone around knows I'm trans, they don't have as many masculine expectations of me. Of course, a guy should be able to be feminine without being trans, so I believe more work needs to be done on culture, but in the meantime, there isn't quite a good label for a feminine man, almost all of them are insulting and unless is gay, it's not that accepted, in the attitudes around, which is one more ridiculous thing, but I recognize it as a remnant of the past, kinda.

I know I'm just rambling a little bit there, but I think the point is that we're all different, and for some, the labels will help guide them through and be more understood, in a world of silly expectations, whether norms or stereotypes.

It's not that I don't care to define myself. I acknowledge facts and history. I'm black, I'm a woman, I'm asexual, I'm American, I'm a Hufflepuff, I'm left handed, my sun sign is Scorpio.  However when I sit down and think of myself as a human, those words are just a skeleton of who I am. I'm a gigantic Star Wars fan, I have a deep respect and admiration for my friends, I'm on the path of the career of my dreams despite the obstacles, and I have values I want to uphold. I've created an entire world with multiple civilizations with 5000 years of history and written novels that only exist in binders under my bed. The street my father grew up on was named after the family who owned his grandparents, the descendants of whom still live today just 20 minutes down the road. Like you say, our circumstances mold us. I'd never say that my various identities don't matter, I'd just say they don't consume me as discussion about them often consumes media in the modern day. I'm definitely not one to flaunt asexual pride merchandise. 

 

I also think labels are functional because I've said before, they're simply facts - shorthand for descriptors. If someone asked me my race and I just said "human" that would be pretty annoying. While I don't despise any part of my identity, discovering the asexuality label helped me view that aspect of myself differently. Rather than simply being different, I know my reality aligns with some people who also use this word to describe their sexuality. However nothing about me changed between knowing what asexuality was and not knowing what it was. I knew years prior that it was extraordinarily unlikely I'd ever volunteer to have sex or even date. Those things just made no sense to me.

 

It's good that labels help guide people, I just can't relate to the experience of worrying about and choosing labels. For me, labels are just shorthand terms for what I already am. There's really no choice in that. However I will say that it's often only when you decide to name something that people take issue with it. A guy who happens to be feminine will get a different reaction from someone who announces to the world that they're a trans woman. A person who just doesn't have an interest in sex will get a different reaction from someone who says they're asexual.

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

16 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

It's not that I don't care to define myself. I acknowledge facts and history. I'm black, I'm a woman, I'm asexual, I'm American, I'm a Hufflepuff, I'm left handed, my sun sign is Scorpio.  However when I sit down and think of myself as a human, those words are just a skeleton of who I am. I'm a gigantic Star Wars fan, I have a deep respect and admiration for my friends, I'm on the path of the career of my dreams despite the obstacles, and I have values I want to uphold. I've created an entire world with multiple civilizations with 5000 years of history and written novels that only exist in binders under my bed. The street my father grew up on was named after the family who owned his grandparents, the descendants of whom still live today just 20 minutes down the road. Like you say, our circumstances mold us. I'd never say that my various identities don't matter, I'd just say they don't consume me as discussion about them often consumes media in the modern day. I'm definitely not one to flaunt asexual pride merchandise. 

 

I also think labels are functional because I've said before, they're simply facts - shorthand for descriptors. If someone asked me my race and I just said "human" that would be pretty annoying. While I don't despise any part of my identity, discovering the asexuality label helped me view that aspect of myself differently. Rather than simply being different, I know my reality aligns with some people who also use this word to describe their sexuality. However nothing about me changed between knowing what asexuality was and not knowing what it was. I knew years prior that it was extraordinarily unlikely I'd ever volunteer to have sex or even date. Those things just made no sense to me.

 

It's good that labels help guide people, I just can't relate to the experience of worrying about and choosing labels. For me, labels are just shorthand terms for what I already am. There's really no choice in that. However I will say that it's often only when you decide to name something that people take issue with it. A guy who happens to be feminine will get a different reaction from someone who announces to the world that they're a trans woman. A person who just doesn't have an interest in sex will get a different reaction from someone who says they're asexual.

 

I agree. Though I think of you as a strong person. I don't think everyone can follow those footsteps, but yeah I don't think it's something to worry about either. But people will worry, because they don't understand themselves, and they  might not even know they're not into sex, some think there's something wrong with them. I think some of the worry is maybe a bit desperate for answers. And some labels, offering that 'relating' is enough to help someone not feel alone, and feel like oof ok I'm not that weird, I'm just different. You already knew or accepted you were different.

I think I was ravenclaw But hufflepuff wouldn't be bad.

I get it though, there's a lot more to you, and anyone, than just some label. I do wonder what portion of the population uses the labels to define and mold themselves, and how many are more conscious of themselves as a whole, and maybe more of their trajectory in life. It does feel nice when you put it that way, I'm me, with how I've come to know myself and what I value. Though I would say, for me, there's a lot that I haven't had the chance to be, and if I focus on who I've been, it doesn't necessarily define me more than who I'm uncovering myself to be. I guess that can just shift how I view the rest too, but I dunno, I think 'identifying' something won't always be factual. There's so much about me that's.. not just discoverable but definable (creative?), though it does have to make sense to me, for me.

[Grumpy Alien]

I don’t use labels because I think labels are too confining and generate certain ideas of preferences that may or may not be true to me. I don’t personally find them useful at all. If asked, I’m straight. I feel the term is vague enough for anyone that would be asking. I’ve never discussed preferences/likes/dislikes outside of a relationship but I would rather explain my sexuality than try to sum it up in one word. That’s why I use as broad of a term as possible - straight.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

9 minutes ago, Kimchi Peanut said:

I don’t use labels because I think labels are too confining and generate certain ideas of preferences that may or may not be true to me. I don’t personally find them useful at all. If asked, I’m straight. I feel the term is vague enough for anyone that would be asking. I’ve never discussed preferences/likes/dislikes outside of a relationship but I would rather explain my sexuality than try to sum it up in one word. That’s why I use as broad of a term as possible - straight.

I think it's limiting if people think they've found 'all' there is to them. It's good that they can relate to being a certain way, but people are so diverse that it is a bit sad when people isolate themselves to a label, or think that they wouldn't change. Even thinking you're straight could change. It did for me, in quite a few ways.

But so long as people don't isolate themselves to an identity, a label is just a short way to explain how you are, and then you can explain more in detail if someone's interested
Anyway, that's just another one of my takes 😜