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VeganFox

Oriented aroace talk stuff

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VeganFox

So I've discovered I'm an oriented aroace (specifically lesbian/sapphic oriented) and I thought it would be cool to find other people on here that are also an oriented aroace! 

So for the people that don't know what this is yet an oriented aroace is basically a person who is both aromantic and asexual and experiences another form of attraction (not sexual or romantic) significant enough for them to feel they should label 

So for example for me I'm attracted to females but not sexually or romantically. 

Also I should talk about alterous attraction because alterous attraction has caused me to question myself so much along with sensual and aesthetic attraction. Alterous attraction is basically not platonic but also not romantic it's more in the blurry area between and it's different for everyone.

Okay my random experiences this obviously isn't everything but anyway alterous attraction for me it's wanting a very committed relationship that's not romantic to me but also obviously different than a platonic relationship like a friendship. 

Like I want basically a qpr with a female person so badly. And it would probably be very similar to a romantic relationship considering some of the things I'd want to do. But it's just not romantic to me?

I don't get the concept of romance and that's completely fine because there's so many other forms of attraction. Anytime someone attempts to describe romantic attraction I'm just like ????????? What???? I've never experienced that??? And a lot of sexual things just disturb me. Like how can you want to interact with someone else's privates if you don't want kids??? They're called your private parts for a reason?? I don't get the appeal. Masturbating I get because libido is a thing that likes to be annoying. Okay back to my attraction stuff I guess idk I've like always partly identified with lesbian because of my love for females. Just something about the female body is so comforting to me. Like they seem so squishy and cuddly and I love the shape of them and just how they look so much. Like they're just so round and soft I love the curves so much okay. And yeah they're just really cool how they work like woah you can grow a mini human inside you if you wanted to??? That's so cool??? And then you can make food for it too?? You can bleed for like a week every single month and basically be fine??? Because it's normal?? Amazing. It also kind of confuses me how the female body is so oversexualized. Like yeah they're amazing but liking other females bodies just for what it does sexually weirds me out idk. Also I don't find breasts sexual. Yeah they're secondary sex characteristics that grow during puberty and people can sexualize them and use them for sex but like they're not genitals so I don't count them as sexual. They're just not sexual to me. I love them but not in a weird sexual way at all?? Just aesthetic and sensual. Which I used to think was sexual but now I find out its not and I'm just like what the heck people are weird. Concern. Also I hate how female nipples get censored but male nipples don't it's just stupid. Like they're just on blobs of fat that can feed babies why censor them?? And I also sometimes feel I don't belong in the lesbian community really because im aroace and just a lot of it is oversexualized and people are always talking about kissing or sex and it makes me very uncomfortable so that's why I kind of prefer just using the word sapphic. I also feel sapphic is kind of more non binary inclusive to me?? Yeah I like women and female aligned people. Basically biological females that don't transition medically. I say that because I'm an afab person but like I don't identify with the word woman at a l l but I do identify with female?? And nonbinary/genderqueer/genderfluid  Confusing. I've seen other people identify similarly so um that makes me feel a bit better. Very long post again oh my.

So hi let me know some of your experiences as an oriented aroace I guess? Or literally any other identity. Talk about your attraction to people I guess. Maybe we can relate. Yeah I like finding people that can relate to me because I feel not many people relate.

 

bonus here's the oriented aroace flag it's beautiful. latest?cb=20180812141048

 

and the sapphic flag because it's cute. There's a few versions but here's one

latest?cb=20180703134306

 

 

 

I keep posting because I'm just so happy that I've found something that fits me absolutely perfectly. And finally like everything makes sense. I wish that people were more educated on the different types of attraction because then probably a ton more people would realize woah I'm aro or woah I'm ace or something since it's all a big blurry mushy mess and it's very confusing. But wow understanding my feelings so much better makes me feel better. 

 

THIS WAS SO LONG WOAHHHHH

 

 

also I'd like to mention angled aroace which is similar to oriented aroace but the person sometimes experiences either romantic or sexual attraction so for example demisexual greyromantic 

 

attraction is a very confusing thing but you're all valid!!!!!!

Edited by VeganFox
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maybeimamazed

I'm technically a biaesthetic aroace, but I'd rather not use so many labels.

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Galactic Turtle

You could say I'm an oriented aro ace because I have only felt the desire to befriend women. Outside of work I have no notable relationships with men who aren't my father. Granted my desire to form strong relationships with women isn't of the nature of what lesbians experience. Far from it, actually. I'm just a girl who likes being around other girls.

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SiegeDragonfly
1 hour ago, VeganFox said:

I wish that people were more educated on the different types of attraction

After years and years of thinking that all attraction was sexual, I totally agree with this.  I've always been aesthetically attracted to people in general and I always assumed that it was sexual attraction.  That's what made me think for the longest time that I was bi or pan.  If people were better educated about the different types of attraction, I think it would help minimize the confusion a lot of people feel.

 

While I did think about sometimes, I've spent the last 20 years happily single (I didn't know WHY I was happy being single until earlier this year).  I used to wonder that if I'm feeling all this "sexual attraction", then why do people say it's so hard to resist?  Maybe I was just bad at being a bi or pan person.  Little did I know, I just thought people were pretty and there was nothing sexual about the attraction I felt.

 

Anyway, thanks for the new terminology @VeganFox.  I'll have to do some research on most of the things you referenced here.

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metelyk
7 minutes ago, SiegeDragonfly said:

After years and years of thinking that all attraction was sexual, I totally agree with this.  I've always been aesthetically attracted to people in general and I always assumed that it was sexual attraction.  That's what made me think for the longest time that I was bi or pan.  If people were better educated about the different types of attraction, I think it would help minimize the confusion a lot of people feel.

I feel similarly. It took me a very long time, until very recently in fact, to understand what romantic attraction is, and from there to understand I am on the aromantic spectrum (I am still figuring out if I'm aromantic or greyromantic). I was confused because I am often aesthetically and sensually attracted to people. People are so beautiful :) and I want very badly to hug and hold hands with and sometimes even kiss those I care about - but there is nothing romantic about that. I do not want a romantic connection at all, I have never wanted one, and when those same gestures are done with romantic or sexual intent I am either very indifferent or I get uncomfortable. It took me a lot of thinking to realise this attraction is sensual, not romantic or sexual. I am just a very affectionate person!

 

Anyway, to answer the original question, I suppose I could consider myself an oriented aroace because I would love a queerplatonic relationship and within that context, I would be bi... -platonic? -alterous? Who knows, but I would be equally willing to have such a relationship with a person of my gender or another gender. And all the other types of attraction I experience (mainly aesthetic, sensual and platonic, maybe alterous) can happen with any gender.

 

But then, maybe I am just an aroace who is reluctant to let go of the bi label I used for years :)

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Earth and Moon

I’m panaesthethic and possibly alterous. I still identify with the pan label even though I’ve come to realize I’m not panromantic. I’d love to be with someone, but not in a romantic or sexual way, but more than just a friendship way, too. ‘Cause I like people, but not like that.

I guess you could call me an oriented aro ace. (That feels so much better to me than just identifying as aro and ace because I know it’s much more than that)

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Andrea KF

Considering what arouses my libido, I'm bisexually oriented. When it comes to attraction towards people I'm heterosensual.

 

Since I'm trans, I would like to be homosensual.

 

 

 

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kenny.

i don’t normally care about labeling myself too much. but if we’re getting very specific i’m more of a biaesthetic aroace. i don’t really make the biaesthetic distinction though, just cause it doesn’t exactly matter if i’m aroace anyway.

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DatMattser

This form of aroace definitely seems to fit me alot but I just prefer to stick to regular vanilla aroace label as I dont really want to muddy things up anymore than I should, But this post definitely gave me more to think about.

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anxious_mix

Honestly I’ve struggled with this so much, because when i was trying to figure it all out i resonate so much with the lesbian community, but I’m definitely asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Basically, i express it by saying that I don’t experience very much attraction, sexual or romantic, but all the attraction that I do experience is towards girls.

 

Idk breaking it up into the micro labels doesn’t help me as much, but definitely all the types of attraction i feel are women related. I kinda identify as lesbian aroace, but i describe it like above because i don’t want to get all the questions about how does it work to be both aro ace and lesbian. I find it difficult to explain alterous aesthetic attractions and etc. and I’m afraid of ppl not taking it all seriously i guess

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VeganFox
7 hours ago, anxious_mix said:

Honestly I’ve struggled with this so much, because when i was trying to figure it all out i resonate so much with the lesbian community, but I’m definitely asexual and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. Basically, i express it by saying that I don’t experience very much attraction, sexual or romantic, but all the attraction that I do experience is towards girls.

 

Idk breaking it up into the micro labels doesn’t help me as much, but definitely all the types of attraction i feel are women related. I kinda identify as lesbian aroace, but i describe it like above because i don’t want to get all the questions about how does it work to be both aro ace and lesbian. I find it difficult to explain alterous aesthetic attractions and etc. and I’m afraid of ppl not taking it all seriously i guess

Ah that's basically how I feel

youre valid 

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DarkStormyKnight

Hi! I identify as pan/gray-romantic but am mostly aro and am also mostly oriented towards femmes. Can I party here too?

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anxious_mix

Yes pls do😁

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