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swinter

When you love romance

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swinter

Do people struggle with their identity if they also really like the concept of romance? I love romance shows, books, my favorites couples in TV couples, and more. I am struggling to figure out my romantic attraction as well so I am just putting that out there. With sex, I get it- I can be fine the have a view about sex, do it or not do it, but in the end, my attraction matters. But I love the concept of romance, and as our society put such an emphasizes on love and finding the 'one', I find myself wanting to get and give the love that comes with a romantic relationship. If I do realize that I am aro, I think that will be something I will really struggle with, as if admitting that I am aro is giving up the possibility of romantic love. and I don't want to do that. Has anyone experienced anything similar? 

 

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Sarah-Sylvia

Hi again (replied to another of your posts)
To me romance is about connecting with the person's heart. Finding care for them, and usually them caring about me too. Wanting to feel good and to make  the other person feel good is just a given, whether it's just enjoying a date together or otherwise. It's just love, wanting happiness for someone. It doesn't have to be about 'only' romance, or sex. Personally I really like physical affection though.

I really think that since you love the concept of romance, you wouldn't be aromantic. Some people obviously question it, but you don't need to label yourself something that prevents you from exploring something you might like. You might even not meet a partner you connect to on a deeper level until later, so I think it's worth keeping open to unless you discover you really dont like romance. Some people might say differently maybe, but that's what I think at least.

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swinter
7 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Hi again (replied to another of your posts)
To me romance is about connecting with the person's heart. Finding care for them, and usually them caring about me too. Wanting to feel good and to make  the other person feel good is just a given, whether it's just enjoying a date together or otherwise. It's just love, wanting happiness for someone. It doesn't have to be about 'only' romance, or sex. Personally I really like physical affection though.

I really think that since you love the concept of romance, you wouldn't be aromantic. Some people obviously question it, but you don't need to label yourself something that prevents you from exploring something you might like. You might even not meet a partner you connect to on a deeper level until later, so I think it's worth keeping open to unless you discover you really dont like romance. Some people might say differently maybe, but that's what I think at least.

Hi,

That makes a lot of sense. I think I constantly struggle to separate romantic and sexual attraction, and understand how romantic attraction is supposed to look like- it is almost like it is easier to understand sexual attraction, in a way.

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Sarah-Sylvia
7 minutes ago, swinter said:

Hi,

That makes a lot of sense. I think I constantly struggle to separate romantic and sexual attraction, and understand how romantic attraction is supposed to look like- it is almost like it is easier to understand sexual attraction, in a way.

I see. I can understand that since there was a time in my life where I think sexuality did overlap and looking back I would say I wasn't romantic (at least compared to what I've felt lately). It took me a while before I explored romance for itself. It was easier when I didn't have much sex drive, it let me really see and also think about how I would be with someone I was attracted to more for love. I would want to talk with them, listen to them, connect with them and how they feel, as well as share love, one way or another. For me that can also lead to caressing, or other acts of affection, but it doesn't have to go to sexuality. I wonder if you can wonder about what it would mean in your case.

I'm sure some of the romantic stuff you've been watching or reading stirs up some feelings in you that aren't really about leading to sex, right? Considering what I've seen you say, I would think it's not impossible for you to make them apart, and see how you feel more about them with time or just exploring. :)

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Sithgroundhog

I have been told some aro people find it difficult, but my sister was pretty aro for a while (right now I'm not sure how she identifies, but for a while she thought she was aro/ace) and she was still into romance all the way even when she didn't want it for herself. I think it's sort of like aces who are into erotica. It might bother some but not bother others in the slightest. 

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ryzor

I feel the same way. I've basically accepted that I'm asexual but I'm resisting the romantic aspects because I don't want to just give up and identify as aro. I don't have anything against aros, and I'm probably one, but the idea of a romance has always appealed to me. I completely plan on getting married eventually, hopefully to someone who doesn't care too much about sex. But I really haven't felt attraction to anyone. ever. I keep looking at emotional crushes or squishes and trying to convince myself that it means that I'm aro, but I'm not completely sure. Probably aro, though.

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Janus DarkFox

I like the concept of love in a relationship, even in its absence in my current one.

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