Elf people Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Hi to everyone on the forum. Now in addition to my rumors topic I wanted to bring up some other matter-derisive comments and overall condescending manners. This is another constant I guess in social life-bad news to the younger members of the forum who expect these to fade out as they move away from their teens and get into their early twenties. And question to the older members- do such things lessen as one gets into the 30s and then towards middle age? Examples include derisive manners in relation to one's intellect (inability to write well, inability to memorize, inability to do math well etc etc), one's character (introvertness, shyness...) and most of all of course physical characteristics (too fat, too skinny, too short, bad skin, round face, gaunt face etc etc). As for me I have come under attack in most of these areas- in the past it was all about my shyness and about being fat and short and having bad skin. Now all these are gone except -you guessed it for being short. There was actually a previous topic on this. (Apparently anything under 1.68-1.70 for females is considered short. ) In American terms that is anything under 5'6''. thus all categories from 1.50-1.65 are collapsed into one which would be a horrible statistical error for the same ppl who utter these comments! :evil: I can never come up with a strong and hurtful answer to these sort of derisive remarks-all I can do is to change the subject and pray it is never opened up again. Worse is the fact that I have been suicidal-literally -at times over this thing-esp because I stopped growing due to childhood trauma-and of course no one knows about this-and therefore I consider that Life dealt me the bad cards. Please -does anyone else here encounter such derision-beyond asexuality that is. hopefully this is not too off topic-I almost posted in the relationships part by mistake! Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 no, i'm afraid i can't be of much help, but i'm sorry you've had to go through that. : ( Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Most of what I've had to deal with has been my height, as I am male and only 5'3" (1.6m). I know this won't help, but after dealing with it for most of my life, I mostly just ignore it, or just aknowledge it, yeah I'm short, but so what? Remember, there is a lot more to you than how you look, and that is the important part of a person. If someone cares more about how you look above anything else, then they are ignoring who who are, and are being very shallow... Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 NO it doesn't lessen as you get 30+. What does lessen is your concern as to what others think and how you deal with the remarks. I have FAR worse things to get mad about than someone taking me to task about my sex life. I choose to brush those remarks off my shoulder. I think that's in general tho'. You spend a portion of your life worrying if your boobs are right, your ass is too fat, skin, height, clothes, hair blah blah blah. There are people who never grow out of it, every time they get near a full length mirror they check out their figure or hair. Again, they say axesuality doesn't have any bearing into any other aspect except for actual sexual relationships but I know I've never been anal about my appearance because I'm not trying to 'catch' anyone. My hair doesn't have to be just so, I don't wear make up, expensive clothing, drive a fancy car or go to poise classes to know how to hold a champagne flute. So, it's not really "social life" bad news, actually, you learn who your real friends are. You don't feel the need to 'defend' who you are, you just take on a 'like me or not - here I am" attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
LuvHuggS Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 Ditto Cijays Comments, Not much more I could add to it :) G. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 12, 2003 Share Posted December 12, 2003 I used to waste a lot of time worrying about how I looked. I was so concerned that if I didn't look a certain way, people would make fun of me and I would lose all my friends. Now I don't really care. I have all my close friends who could care less, and that's all that matters. I know it's hard sometimes, but just keep in mind, those people are probably insecure themselves and live bitter lives. Link to post Share on other sites
gambit_boi Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 sadly, my mom worries about how she looks, kind of obsessively. being a doctor, she can attept to mask her weight obsession with a concern for health, but my sister and i see it as more than that. i don't remember her being like that when she was younger. so no, i guess for some people the concern over looks doesn't fade. Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Josh...I'm short as well (which you know as you've met me) and I too have gotten used to always being the shortest one! It's something I don't often consciously think of anymore. Although I must say that I was a bit self conscious when the people from the discovery channel had to keep lowering the equipment and/or mic to my level - but what can you do, im short and thats the way i am. It makes it really easy to dart through crowds sometimes :) and fit in unusual places. when i was a kid i once tried to hide in the washer during hide and seek. but got out quickly as i was afraid i'd get stuck. Kate Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 ...Although I must say that I was a bit self conscious when the people from the discovery channel had to keep lowering the equipment and/or mic to my level - but what can you do, im short and thats the way i am.... That wasn't because you're short; it was because you were sitting on the bottom step! So I think the original question was about whether ridicule for one's shortcomings (as percived by others) lessens as one grows older. In my experience, most of it does (i'm 54), and when it still manifests itself, I put an end to it quickly. It has, I think, as much to do with their maturity as with one' own attitude. If you show a weakness or sensitivity to these comments, it attracts those who are prone to attack the weak. We are still animals in that regard. You can't do much about their maturity, but you can with practice cultivate a stronger demeanor in the way you present yourself, and with practice, that appearance of strength can become a reality. Perhaps more importantly, you can identify your innate strengths and talents, and cultivate those and invest your self-identity in those, and practice ignoring the the rest of it, and hang out with the kind of people that are interested in your strenghts. Unfortunately, it is all a slow process, and may take a long time, but with luck and determination, it is perhaps possible to get to a place where these things stop happening or stop mattering, or both. Meanwhile, I would suggest that strong, derisive answers are not the way to go. This is perhaps, another example of a game in which the only winning move is not to play. Bandying insults is a game that serves no purpose, and a talent not worth cultivating. Concentrate on doing what builds yourself up in your own eyes. Find your friends among those whom those actions bring you to. Let the rest of them rot in the sewer of their own making. (I feel at this point I should add my standard disclaimer that free advice may be worth what it costs. Done.) boa Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 It has, I think, as much to do with their maturity as with one' own attitude. If you show a weakness or sensitivity to these comments, it attracts those who are prone to attack the weak. We are still animals in that regard. You can't do much about their maturity, but you can with practice cultivate a stronger demeanor in the way you present yourself, and with practice, that appearance of strength can become a reality. Perhaps more importantly, you can identify your innate strengths and talents, and cultivate those and invest your self-identity in those, and practice ignoring the the rest of it, and hang out with the kind of people that are interested in your strenghts. Unfortunately, it is all a slow process, and may take a long time, but with luck and determination, it is perhaps possible to get to a place where these things stop happening or stop mattering, or both.True :) If you really show that you don't care, and really try to not let comments hurt you, it will become a bit less common with people who you know. Most people who know me at this point don't mention my hieght in anything... so what if I'm short, they know I don't care, so they don't try to make me care... :P Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 as I am male and only 5'3" You seemed taller than that when I saw you in CT, for some reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.