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Ailepho

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If you are cisgender...

 

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when people use your gender’s pronouns?

Have you ever felt any body/social/etc. dysphoria despite being cisgender?

Do you feel uncomfortable if someone misgenders you (and do you feel the need to correct them, or do you just go with the flow)?

Have you ever questioned your gender before?

Does the way you present match your gender (or does it not matter)?

Do you feel a strong connection to your gender? (Maybe describe how you know what your gender is)

 

If you are not cis...

 

Do you feel comfortable using/do you use the pronouns of your AGAB? (Assigned gender at birth)

How long did it take for you to realize you were not your AGAB?

Do you ever wear clothing that is often associated with your AGAB? (And are comfortable with it)

How would you describe your gender?

Do you feel dysphoria?

Do you feel the need to change your body to match your gender?

Are you out to anyone?

Do you think your romantic/sexual orientation plays a part in your gender expression and/or gender?

Do you find that because you are pan/aro/etc. that gender doesn’t matter for you and your own gender identity doesn’t matter/reflects that/has something to do with it/etc...

Are you questioning your gender?

Do you feel as if the gender labels you use truly fit you/don’t fit you? 

 

 

Sorry if I have offended anyone, I would just like to know how other people feel about gender and I hope these questions could help me with my own gender problems.

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I'm a cis man.

  • No, I'm comfortable with male pronouns.
  • I think most people have felt bad about their body at some point. For me, I feel inadequate at times because I'm not that muscular and haven't developed much of a beard or body hair. It makes me feel less manly. I have a connective tissue disorder, which limits my ability to exercise and develop muscle bulk.
  • No one misgenders me, thankfully. It would annoy me if they did.
  • I have had issues with gender identity in the past but moved past it and put it down to having a breakdown following diagnosis of my connective tissue disorder.
  • I put little effort into my appearance. I likely appear to be a very dull, weak man. It matches my gender but I just don't feel that manly. I feel like the invisible man.
  • Not really. I don't think my traits are what society expects from the average male. I'm barely a man and yet still a man.
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I'm agender, which I regard as trans on the basis that it is not technically cis.  People might see that differently though...
 

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Do you feel comfortable using/do you use the pronouns of your AGAB? (Assigned gender at birth)

How long did it take for you to realize you were not your AGAB?

Do you ever wear clothing that is often associated with your AGAB? (And are comfortable with it)

First of all, I don't even view it as assigned gender, but rather just sex.  Other people can't "assign" your gender for you; sex is all they can possibly glean.

 

I don't care how people address me, but I acknowledge it will usually be with male terminology because I have a male body.  To me that just makes sense.  I don't think of it as people trying to "gender" me, it's just that they're calling me by what they see.

I never really understood what gender was (specifically, how it didn't actually mean the same thing as sex) until after I discovered AVEN, so I was at least around 25 years old.

I'm male bodied, so primarily wear "male" clothing.  There's many aspects of "female" clothing that seem very impractical/uncomfortable to me.  To name one example, my spouse (female-bodied) has shown me several of their pants/jeans and so many of them either have no pockets or super thin form-fitting pockets that you'd be lucky to fit anything thicker than a credit card inside.  I need big pockets.
 

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How would you describe your gender?

In one word?  Indifference.

 

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Do you feel dysphoria?

Not really.  I have my own ways of feeling like I don't belong, but it isn't really anything to do with the body I have.

 

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Do you feel the need to change your body to match your gender?

This is actually the core reason why I settled on an agender identity -- there isn't really anything I could transition "to" that I feel would be an improvement, so no, I don't feel like any form of transition would really address or solve anything.

 

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Are you out to anyone?

I'm not secretive about anything.  I don't go blabbing about this to everyone I meet because I assume most won't understand or care, but I don't actively try to hide it from anyone either.  Same goes for my asexuality.

 

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Do you think your romantic/sexual orientation plays a part in your gender expression and/or gender?

I'm not 100% sure I understand the question, but I'm inclined to say no.

 

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Do you find that because you are pan/aro/etc. that gender doesn’t matter for you and your own gender identity doesn’t matter/reflects that/has something to do with it/etc...

Gender doesn't matter to me, but sex does.  If I don't perceive someone as belonging to the female sex, I'm unlikely to form any sort of  attraction to them.

 

That being said, I'm married to someone that I originally understood to be female (and they did too), but it turns out that they're actually trans male when it comes to gender.  Contrary to how it might be for most other "straight" people though, this doesn't actually impact our relationship in any significant way other than the fact that depending on how they approach their transition, we may not ever be able to have kids (this isn't really important to either of us, though).  The way I see it, the attraction/relationship was already formed, and because it never really hinged on their gender, there's no real reason for it to have gone away.

 

My spouse is actually glad in a way that they discovered and accepted their identity late, because had they known earlier, we likely never would have gotten together.

 

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Are you questioning your gender?

Do you feel as if the gender labels you use truly fit you/don’t fit you? 

Not really questioning it anymore, no.  I'm open to finding terminology that better fits, much in the same way that I thought of myself as atheist at first before I learned what agnostic was and that it was a better fit for describing me, but I'm more or less content with where I am now.

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I'm Agender.

 

5 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel comfortable using/do you use the pronouns of your AGAB? (Assigned gender at birth)

I don't use gendered pronouns for myself, it feels strange doing so.

 

10 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

How long did it take for you to realize you were not your AGAB?

I only realised that I'm not Cis this year, so about 34 years.

 

11 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you ever wear clothing that is often associated with your AGAB? (And are comfortable with it)

I wear what I'm expected to wear.

 

22 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

How would you describe your gender?

I would describe my gender as neutral.

 

28 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel dysphoria?

Only when I acknowledge my AGAB.

 

31 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel the need to change your body to match your gender?

I would be fine in any body.

 

34 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Are you out to anyone?

At the moment I'm only out as Agender on AVEN.

 

35 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you think your romantic/sexual orientation plays a part in your gender expression and/or gender?

I wonder about that because I'm "A" so many things.

 

36 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you find that because you are pan/aro/etc. that gender doesn’t matter for you and your own gender identity doesn’t matter/reflects that/has something to do with it/etc...

I don't think my gender is a reflection of my Aromanticism, but I wonder if they're both a reflection of something else.

 

1 hour ago, Earth and Moon said:

Are you questioning your gender?

I don't feel like I have anything to question, and I think that might be why it took me so long to realise that I'm Agender.

 

1 hour ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel as if the gender labels you use truly fit you/don’t fit you? 

I do, once I found a label for what I felt, or rather, didn't feel.

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These would be good questions for a poll in case you wanted to start one :) 

 

3 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel comfortable using/do you use the pronouns of your AGAB? (Assigned gender at birth)

No

 

3 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

How long did it take for you to realize you were not your AGAB?

Starting from birth? 20 years.

 

4 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you ever wear clothing that is often associated with your AGAB? (And are comfortable with it)

Assuming we're talking about afab people, with 'clothing that is often associated with your AGAB' did you mean 'anything from the women's section' or did you mean more like 'skirts, dresses, make-up and high heels'? Because if you meant the latter, then my answer is a whole-hearted no. If you meant the former, then my answer is 'Eh, I wouldn't say I'm comfortable with it, I'm just scared to shop in the male section and be looked at weird, but as long as it's sort of baggy I'm fine with it.'

 

5 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

How would you describe your gender?

Afab agender. I have a negative gender, defined by what it is not. I'm not a man, not a woman, and not in between, so I am agender. 

 

10 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel dysphoria?

Do you feel the need to change your body to match your gender?

Are you out to anyone?

Yes, chest area, name, pronouns, clothing etc.

Yes, trying to get top surgery, looking for hair and clothing styles that match my gender more, but it's difficult.

Yes, to a lot of my friends, as well as to my immediate family and to my therapist.

 

10 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you think your romantic/sexual orientation plays a part in your gender expression and/or gender?

So I've thought about the question of whether my gender 'caused' my asexuality, or vice versa, a lot. I came up with a bunch of reasons why they could influence each other, like, maybe because I don't want to be seen as a sexual being, that's why I hate my chest, or maybe my dysphoria is causing part of my discomfort around sex.

In the end I concluded that my asexuality and my gender identity were both present separately, but that they may reinforce each other, like constructive interference:

Spoiler

constructiveanddestructiveinterference.p

 

1 hour ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you find that because you are pan/aro/etc. that gender doesn’t matter for you and your own gender identity doesn’t matter/reflects that/has something to do with it/etc...

I don't think my panromanticism has anything to do with my gender identity, no.

And gender does matter to me, a lot actually, especially my own gender identity. Dysphoria is no joke.

 

1 hour ago, Earth and Moon said:

Are you questioning your gender?

There's a constant 5% doubt stemming from insecurities, but I wouldn't say I'm questioning.

 

1 hour ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel as if the gender labels you use truly fit you/don’t fit you? 

Yes, I feel like I got it right.

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DuranDuranfan

I’m AFAB, but I’m bigender. I’m okay with masculine, feminine and neutral pronouns. I’m almost into my forties, so yeah, I’m a late bloomer in terms of figuring out my true gender identity and even my sexual orientation(Demi and Grey Sexual). I more a masculine gender expression so my clothing choices reflect that. And like @Philip027 it’s also about function. I need pockets big enough to hold an iPhone 6S plus. The pockets on women’s jeans just don’t cut it! And not even for an iPod either, and it’s smaller than my iPhone! It’s also a sensory thing with me, I can’t have the fabric touching my genitals. My gender is fluidic so it’ll shift from masculine to feminine. Sometimes it’ll hover at both. That’s why I also identify as genderfluid. I had dysthymia most of my life, but when I got my chest binder and put it on, that dysthymia disappeared. That’s when I figured it was actually dysphoria. I’m planning on getting a reduction done to my breasts and I may continue to bind afterwards(after waiting six months to year to let them fully heal). I’ll see after how they turn out. I also wouldn’t mind going on low dose T to increase the size of my clitoris, and lower my voice a little more(then I could sing all of “Come Undone” by Duran Duran yay!). Only my husband and my parents know about my new identity. I think maybe my sexual orientation does play a part because the female body is more sexualized, especially with bigger boobs, and that makes me uncomfortable and more dysphoric. Yeah I feel the labels I picked to describe me are correct.

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clothing.jpg?w=550&ssl=1

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DuranDuranfan
1 hour ago, Philip027 said:

clothing.jpg?w=550&ssl=1

OMG LOL all this!!! So true!

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2 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

 

If you are cisgender...

 

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when people use your gender’s pronouns?

No, never when others use them. However I hate myself for sloppily using male and female pronouns for unspecified persons of certain professions that are traditionally but not anymore held by one gender. (like traindriver - he or nurse - she)

 

2 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Have you ever felt any body/social/etc. dysphoria despite being cisgender?

Nope.

2 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel uncomfortable if someone misgenders you (and do you feel the need to correct them, or do you just go with the flow)?

Not uncomfortable, but I might correct them and afterwards ask myself why I had to play the wiseguy, is it just to show them that a woman can be a traindriver, which they probably already knew because they just use the pronouns sloppily the very same way I do. ^^

2 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Have you ever questioned your gender before?

No, definitely not until I found Aven. And now that I've found Aven, I have started to link certain aspects to genderless-ness or something like that. I have long known that I have neither talent nor urge for looking intensely female (I use make-up on rare occastion to look _festive_, but not to be more womanlike; I dress in sleek clothes from time to time to look sportive and high-spirited, not to be more attractive, I wear heels like once every two years cos the darn shoes happened to match the rest of my clothes in color). I never doubted that I'm cis-female, never reflected upon my gender at all, though now I started to reflect upon how many aspects there might be, biological female, sexual and romantic female, but presenting indifferent? I'm not getting confused over this, just that AVEN has opened up a whole new spectrum of terms to ponder upon my own gender and I like using the terms and ponder about with them.

 

2 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Does the way you present match your gender (or does it not matter)?

I was about to write: "I haven't worn longsleeved shirts with buttons and a collar since highschool", when it struck me: that's exactly what I wear every day at work! My uniform! Well, it actually doesn't really matter. At work I had to order the mens' pants for many years, because: the womens' version did only have one instead of two backpockets. I don't shave my legs and not regularly shaving my armpits, I have no issues with wearing a knee-high skirt over non-shaved legs. I wear the skirt because of the temperature, not because of the looks, and moslty I wear it only one day before I realize I have to bear with the slightly warmer shorts because skirts don't have pockets, or dont have good pockets, and they don't allow me to bend or sit on the floor without making extra effort not to display stuff I don't wanna display and I wonder why we debate whether to forbid or not forbid muslim headcovering but not a word about western womens' clothing culture ^^

2 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel a strong connection to your gender? (Maybe describe how you know what your gender is)

 

I'm for equal chances, but I don't believe all human beings are up to any job, so, I'm always reluctant when it comes to feminism; so, strong connection, no. I know I'm female because 1) I have a female body, 2) I never felt non-female (just not so feminin), 3) I get crushes on males (not that that proves anything, it just fits in nicely) and when I experience (romantic) jealousy in the presence of someone I have a crush on, it would be jealousy towards females, not male buddies of the one I have a crush on.

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4 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

 

If you are cisgender...

 

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when people use your gender’s pronouns?

No

Have you ever felt any body/social/etc. dysphoria despite being cisgender?

Yes, I've been told that I'm not and never will be strong enough to do what I really want to do. They're wrong, but it still hurts.

My breasts are too big. ( I've recently discovered binders. I recommend them.)

Do you feel uncomfortable if someone misgenders you (and do you feel the need to correct them, or do you just go with the flow)?

Never have been.

Have you ever questioned your gender before?

Tried, partly out of curiosity, but I sort of hit a brick wall with it.

I just don't get trans*, on some level. I still stick my head round the door here on a fairly regular basis, though. One day I'll get it.

Does the way you present match your gender (or does it not matter)? It matches the type of woman I want to be, the type of woman I am. Strong, competent, independent, outdoors type.

Mostly wear menswear - pockets, better fabric, actually long enough. Never wear makeup or high heels. I care about what I can do, not about how I look.

Do you feel a strong connection to your gender? (Maybe describe how you know what your gender is)

Not particularly. I don't have a problem with being a woman unless someone else has a problem with me being a woman. Even then it's more their problem than mine.

 

 

 

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19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel comfortable using/do you use the pronouns of your AGAB (Assigned gender at birth)

No. I'm less uncomfortable now that I'm physically transitioning (I can just keep going until people see me differently).

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

How long did it take for you to realize you were not your AGAB?

I shifted gender identity in my mid to late 30s. I don't consider it a realization I wasn't "actually female"; I *was* female before, but I'm done playing female. I'm changing it. I don't really feel gender.

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

How would you describe your gender?

Non-binary

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel dysphoria?

Social dysphoria I guess. I hate being stuck as female.

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you feel the need to change your body to match your gender?

I'm on T now for a few months. I don't feel I'm changing my body to match anything, but away from what I'm done being. I enjoy it, mostly. I miss being able to cry.

 

One reason I'm confident it's the right choice is about how I imagine myself a decade in the future, and I just can't imagine being physically female like I am now.

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Are you out to anyone?

Out professionally, to family, most regular contacts. I haven't come out to neighbors. Nervous about that.

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you think your romantic/sexual orientation plays a part in your gender expression and/or gender?

No. I'm sexual, attracted to men. I don't see this as related.

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Do you find that because you are pan/aro/etc. that gender doesn’t matter for you and your own gender identity doesn’t matter/reflects that/has something to do with it/etc..

No. I'm not pan or aro or ace. I'm androsexual, heterosexual in my AGAB (but I find the term inappropriate now).

 

19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

Are you questioning your gender?

Do you feel as if the gender labels you use truly fit you/don’t fit you? 

Not questioning. Changing it.

 

I'm happy with non-binary as an identity, don't feel any need to fuss with subcategories there.

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19 hours ago, Earth and Moon said:

If you are not cis...

I'm agender~

 

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Do you feel comfortable using/do you use the pronouns of your AGAB? (Assigned gender at birth)

Nope, but I'm closeted so I have to use them :c

 

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How long did it take for you to realize you were not your AGAB?

It depends. I knew quite early I was deeply uncomfortable with some sexual characteristics but only connected the dots later during puberty. 

 

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Do you ever wear clothing that is often associated with your AGAB? (And are comfortable with it)

I don't see clothing as gendered really, I've always worn both guys and girls clothes and thought nothing of it. Sometimes I feel like wearing more feminine stuff, that's all. But I mostly dress functionally so. 

 

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How would you describe your gender?

Inexistent.

 

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Do you feel dysphoria?

Yup. 

 

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Do you feel the need to change your body to match your gender?

Yes. Not really to ''match'' anything, since I don't have a gender at all, rather to remove the sexual characteristics I hate. 

 

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Are you out to anyone?

Just one friend. 

 

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Do you think your romantic/sexual orientation plays a part in your gender expression and/or gender?

I guess being a sex-repulsed aroace doesn't help with dysphoria. It's true that the parts of me I hate are both gendered and sexualised, and it makes sense to think both these aspects influence each other.

 

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Do you find that because you are pan/aro/etc. that gender doesn’t matter for you and your own gender identity doesn’t matter/reflects that/has something to do with it/etc...

Not sure I understand, but I guess that as an aro, people's genders don't matter to me, or it matters even less due to that. But my being agender is important, yes. As @Laurann said, dysphoria is no joke, and I'm far from indifferent. 

 

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Are you questioning your gender?

There's always a lingering doubt of not actually being what you currently identify with, but I'd say agender sounds pretty good and I wouldn't want to change, so not really. 

 

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Do you feel as if the gender labels you use truly fit you/don’t fit you? 

I hope it fits. I really like thinking of myself as agendered. I haven't had that affirmed much, but I'd probably feel euphoric if it were, so I'd say yes. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

If you are cisgender...    

Me: AMAB

 

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when people use your gender’s pronouns? No, I am ok with being refered to as a male but there are times when I get questioned about it 

Have you ever felt any body/social/etc. dysphoria despite being cisgender? Yes, I have regarding with breasts or the lack of which led me down the path to have male breast augmentation which now I am the owner of noticeable boobs

Do you feel uncomfortable if someone misgenders you (and do you feel the need to correct them, or do you just go with the flow)? It depends I can go with the flow or not it depends on the situation and the remarks. if it is pure honest mistake no harem if i sense that someone is truely making fun of me I will call them out

Have you ever questioned your gender before? I have when I was younger but realized at am who I am 

Does the way you present match your gender (or does it not matter)?d Yes and No I usually dress male however having boobs I do wear some women's button down tops if they fit well and not to feminine looking   

Do you feel a strong connection to your gender? (Maybe describe how you know what your gender is) Overall I do feel more male but I have a softer side to me which I do like to explore 

 

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