Gothique-Rose Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 I am asexual and aromantic. That being said, I have always wanted a relationship. I dont mind the romantic actions or rituals, I just dont personally feel romantic attraction. Someone confessed feeling for me, wanting more. He knows about my identity and is still willing, but I dont know? I like him, hes sweet and good and a kindred spirit. He is a great friend and we have a lot in common. I could see myself settling down in a sort of QPR with him, but I am scared that I am just settling? I treat relationships as things very contractual and.....I dont want to just accept something because it came first..... Advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 Settling for someone is really only truly terrible if you get married or have kids. Dating someone who might not be "the one" is fine and probably normal, especially if you're young and still working out life. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 Well if you are going to be in a relationship with him, be aware that sex is something that will have to be talked about. Link to post Share on other sites
Gothique-Rose Posted November 22, 2019 Author Share Posted November 22, 2019 53 minutes ago, Someone Else said: Settling for someone is really only truly terrible if you get married or have kids. Dating someone who might not be "the one" is fine and probably normal, especially if you're young and still working out life. But what if I would want to marry him? Why date if there isnt the possibility that it would be lifelong? It isnt like there will ever be that 'spark's or whatever.... Link to post Share on other sites
natsume Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 It really depends on the unique people involved. Getting out of relationships can be very difficult for some people whether they're married/have kids or not. Unless it's high school and every relationship lasts a couple months 😂. Don't ever assume there won't be sparks for you when you meet the right person, rose. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 22, 2019 Share Posted November 22, 2019 I don't see any appeal in "settling" and it baffles me that people are willing to do that to both themselves and others. Link to post Share on other sites
Gothique-Rose Posted November 22, 2019 Author Share Posted November 22, 2019 2 hours ago, Homer said: I don't see any appeal in "settling" and it baffles me that people are willing to do that to both themselves and others. But how would I know if I am settling or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Ringmaster04 Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 I don't think you can know if you're settling or not until you at least give it a try. You might be apprehensive about pursuing a potential relationship for a lot of reasons that may feel like not wanting to settle. 10 hours ago, Gothique-Rose said: Someone confessed feeling for me, wanting more. He knows about my identity and is still willing, but I dont know? I like him, hes sweet and good and a kindred spirit. He is a great friend and we have a lot in common. So if you like him, have things in common, find him to be a good person, and already know that he is interested, why not at least give it a shot and see where it goes? Some of the best marriages start with just a really great friendship. You don't have to make a lifelong commitment right away, but nothing is stopping you from doing so down the line if it is what you want. If you wind up happy long term, then you didn't settle (you found the one). If things don't work out short term, like in many dating scenarios, then you didn't settle (you moved on to continue searching). Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 11 hours ago, Gothique-Rose said: But how would I know if I am settling or not? Do you have genuine feelings for that person or do you think "Eh, this is as good as it gets, better than to be alone I guess..."? Link to post Share on other sites
Gothique-Rose Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 On 11/23/2019 at 12:21 AM, Homer said: Do you have genuine feelings for that person or do you think "Eh, this is as good as it gets, better than to be alone I guess..."? Currently 'eh, as good as it gets'. He is...romantic and sweet and in love and I am...not I cant return his feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Then you're pretty much settling ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 On 11/22/2019 at 2:11 PM, Gothique-Rose said: I am asexual and aromantic. That being said, I have always wanted a relationship. I dont mind the romantic actions or rituals, I just dont personally feel romantic attraction. What sort of relationship? If you really are aro-ace it won't be sexual or romantic. Why pretend otherwise? For example, if you aren't religious you might not dislike singing carols and "celebrating" other Christmas rituals. Fair enough, so far so good. But how much would you really fit in with people who celebrate Christmas because they are religious? Would you want to kid them that you are too? And what if you did? From your side, wouldn't what they then perceived - and perhaps experienced - as real actually be fake for you? Is that what you want? What sort of a relationship do you think you'll end up with if you don't go into it being honest about who you think you really are? From your side wouldn't it be a fake one? Link to post Share on other sites
Gothique-Rose Posted April 13, 2020 Author Share Posted April 13, 2020 Sorry for not answering this last one. Relationship/partnershup... I dont believe love is really a thing so I dont see the difference between good friendship and a romantic relationship. That being said, I did agree to date the guy letting him know up front that it was unlikely to work for a ton of reasons. It didnt work out. After a month, I started having this intense repulsion anytime he was sweet or romantic. Like....stab him to make him stop type of repulsion. I dont know yet if that is because he is a guy, or if I am apparently lithioromantic (please god no, for my sanity....) but time will tell. We broke up and went back to just friends and I instantly get along fine with him again. I still want a partner, but....who knows how it will work out Link to post Share on other sites
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