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Different romantic attraction towards females and males?


WenN

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Hey, I am Sandra, 17 years old.

I am gray-bisexual, just to mention if in any case that might be relevant to know.

 

I'm also pretty sure that I'm bi-alterous (I thought I should put that here, before I'll start with the main subject).

 

 

I actually just want to talk about my romantic attraction, since I don't really understand what my romantic attraction is.

 

I am confused, because I think I actually have felt romantic attraction to boys without really getting to know them when I was younger, and I think I really was in love with them back then, I never really spoke to them, but they were in my class (I was about 12 years old).

For the girls I have actually dated did I only start to feel romantic attraction (what I think of was romantic attraction) for when they told me/ when I strongly had the idea that they liked me.

This makes me think that there's a big possibility that I'm Recipromantic, but only to girls.

Now I'm confused, because I have never seen anything being mentioned about experiencing romantic attraction differently to females and males on any site on the internet.

 

Now, I know that my romantic attraction also fades after getting to know the person better, so that makes me being frayromantic for sure.

I do experience that to females for sure, only I am not sure how that is for males, since I never really got to know the boys that I fell in love with back then. But that's another story.

 

(Also.. after my romantic attraction fades I do still feel alterous attraction, which makes me still want to be close to them, but not necessary want to have a relationship with, and when we'd starts relationship, I'd always feel slightly uncomfortable to call the relationship a romantic relationship.)

 

 

 

Well, shortly said: I'm confused because I do experience my romantic attraction differently towards females and males, I am probably Recipromantic towards only females, while I can be romantically attracted towards females and males.

Is this possible? And is there by any chance a name/label for?

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I mean if you're experiencing it then I'd say it's possible. Maybe you could call it a type of cross-orientation?

 

If you don't find a label that fits exactly, maybe that's okay too. Labels are ultimately just words we use to describe the world and our experiences, both of which are much too complex and varied to ever be fully captured in words. Labels are tools we use to understand ourselves, to explain ourselves to others, to use as shortcuts to express complicated concepts, to find like-minded people, and to fight for recognition in wider society. They have to encompass a large enough number of people in order to stay useful. There will always be people who fall between the cracks of available labels, those who fall on the edge of one label and another, and maybe that's okay. You're allowed to mix and match labels to approximate your experiences, and it's okay if it doesn't fit 100%. 

 

If you are going to use a label, first think of what goal you are trying to reach by using that label. Are you trying to understand yourself better? Are you trying to explain yourself to others (in that case, it might be better to just explain your experiences without the labels, because most people won't know these labels anyways). Are you trying to find like-minded people (because for that, you would need a term to Google)? Are you trying to fight for acceptance and recognition (in which case, I think it's better to stick to the broader terms of aromanticism and asexuality, while leaving all of the micro-labels for people to use only within the community). 

 

21 minutes ago, Sannie said:

I think I really was in love with them back then, I never really spoke to them, but they were in my class

I think I'd call that being romantically attracted to them. 'In love' is a bit of a strong word to use for someone you've never really spoken to.

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I identify as heteroromantic, but at times I've thought about panromantic, because of this issue: I experience attraction to people all genders, but the attraction feels different and has different roots for those different genders.

 

Seems like pretty commmon for bi, but honestly not really sure lol

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This sounds a bit familiar to me. When I develop romantic attraction to men, it happens very quickly (usually within days, at most). In the case of the one non-binary person I am romantically attracted to so far, it developed over months/years. My feelings on this alternate between "That's really really weird" and *shrug.*

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