Jarle Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 So I don't know if this is an experience common to other aces, so I'm interested to hear from other people regardless of orientation. Besides, the experience had been on my mind all day and I don't exactly have someone I can share it with right now. I'm currently house sitting for a friend while she galivants through Japan, and I'm house sitting with a mutual friend of ours. She's a lovely, warm and genuine person; and there was enough attraction there that I told her about my feelings and asked if she would be interested in a relationship or would prefer to continue building a friendship, of which she chose the latter. Perfectly fine by me, she's pretty amazing and I hold friendships pretty high. Fast forward to this morning, I dreamt she came into my room and woke me up with some snuggling, inching closer and closer until we were kissing - and that's where it ended. I've only had a few sex dreams in my life, but they always seem to be hilariously PG in terms of content. Does anyone else experience the same thing? How seriously do you take dreams of this sort? Link to post Share on other sites
Chihiro Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 I don't take any of my dreams seriously. And my sex dreams are ridiculous, I can get sex dreams about anybody, friends, family, strangers, teens, 100 year olds. Sometimes I watch, sometimes I participate, sometimes I am someone else, sometimes I keep changing into different people. None of this makes sense. Surprisingly I am blind in all these dreams and I don't see anyone, so I don't know how I know who was in the dream. I still dunno if any were nude, couldn't feel that either. I also don't know much details about the actual sex in the dreams, I just know it happened when I wake up. Link to post Share on other sites
Memento1 Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 I once had a dream I kissed an old roommate of mine. At the time she was the closest person in my life. When I considered the possibility of it awake, I didn't desperately want it, neither was I opposed to it. I took it to mean I am open to a homoromantic relationship and very slightly bi (I didn't consider this dream kiss sexual). Nothing ever came of it and nothing ever has, it's just a door I haven't closed to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted November 19, 2019 Share Posted November 19, 2019 . Link to post Share on other sites
Snow in the background Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 I would simply consider your dream as a sort of exercise... Stick with me here. I believe that you obviously like this person, and that you would like to kiss her in real life, at least in principle. Because of this, your brain made up a dream scenario in which that actually happened. You can see it as a preparation for future sort of dream. Some dreams are meant to help us be prepared for future behaviours, in the event that we really get to live them. Link to post Share on other sites
LonesomeCrow Posted November 20, 2019 Share Posted November 20, 2019 My sex dreams are very rare..and usually occur when I'm semi lucid. But the weird thing is I never see anyone in them. I can feel pleasure but all I see is blackness. Sometomes it scares me and I force myself awake. I think it's normal to dream about sex occasion, it doesn't make you any less of an ace. Link to post Share on other sites
Jarle Posted November 22, 2019 Author Share Posted November 22, 2019 Thanks for your input everyone, it makes me feel heard and less alone. I find it interesting how people have different experiences of sex dreams, I wonder if there are any significant differences between aces and non-aces? @Mihnea I think you're right in that I do want to kiss/ snuggle with her, unfortunately due to a few factors that isn't likely to happen. I'm perfectly fine accepting that and I'm grateful for having a single life, but at the same time it's great to know that I can have these feelings for someone - particularly after a traumatic break up two years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Snow in the background Posted December 6, 2019 Share Posted December 6, 2019 On 11/22/2019 at 2:35 AM, Jarle said: Thanks for your input everyone, it makes me feel heard and less alone. I find it interesting how people have different experiences of sex dreams, I wonder if there are any significant differences between aces and non-aces? @Mihnea I think you're right in that I do want to kiss/ snuggle with her, unfortunately due to a few factors that isn't likely to happen. I'm perfectly fine accepting that and I'm grateful for having a single life, but at the same time it's great to know that I can have these feelings for someone - particularly after a traumatic break up two years ago. I'm glad that you're accepting your current situation and for the fact that you value your feelings! These are great strengths! I wish you good luck in your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Gnome.1 Posted December 7, 2019 Share Posted December 7, 2019 Most of my sex dreams are just replays of sex with my wife with a little variation. Quite pleasant but very rare, maybe once every year or two. However, recently I've been unpacking different traumas in my life and had a sex dream. It felt extremely realistic and involved an old friends girlfriend. Knowing when I first had sex it still took me a while to convince myself that it didn't really happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Jarle Posted December 7, 2019 Author Share Posted December 7, 2019 So a bit of an update, we shared an intimate moment the other day (about which I'm not gonna go into detail) and I haven't been able to get it out of my head since. I let her know and we had a chat about each other's feelings, unfortunately she isn't on the same page as I am which is disappointing, but I'm glad I was able to find the courage to discuss this with her. The whole experience has me thinking about my identity now and the type of relationships I want in my life, but I don't think I'll have any clear answers for a while. Thanks again, everyone 🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted December 7, 2019 Share Posted December 7, 2019 Perhaps a bit late to the conversation but I definitely relate to this. I have mostly PG dreams (not dissimilar to the one you described @Jarle) but even with the odd exception which perhaps wouldn’t be there’s never any partnered sex (even when I’m happy to have partnered sex occasionally in real life). Link to post Share on other sites
Jarle Posted December 7, 2019 Author Share Posted December 7, 2019 Most of my dreams have been laughably PG in nature, and right before anything that wouldn't be suitable to do in public is where I usually wake up! Link to post Share on other sites
Whore*of*Mensa Posted December 23, 2019 Share Posted December 23, 2019 I had a dream last night...About someone I've known at work for a few years now...In my dream I was with him and other people from work and they were saying goodbye to me as I was leaving in a sort of dismissive way...Like I won't see them for a long time, and I felt sad and hurt. So, in the dream, the man I know from work followed me and started to kiss me and touch me, and I felt this guilty feeling which I quite often have, ie I really quite enjoy the sensation of him touching me but I don't want to look at him or kiss him because I am basically not attracted to him at all. Even though I like him very much. And want to be with him so I'm still in the group... This is how I always feel, it's bad I know...It was a guilt dream. Link to post Share on other sites
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