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Don't know you're demi because you have no friends?


xToasty

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I don't know what I would even title this, feel free to move it if it's in the wrong forum. So I was thinking, is it possible to think you're straight when you're actually demi-homoromantic? I was thinking, let's say we have this dude. He thinks he's just straight because that's what society kinda told him (frickn society), but he's never REALLY felt attracted to anyone. He's just kinda rolled with it. He complimented girls he thought looked nice, and thought of them as 'crushes' because he didn't know any better. But in actuality, he's demi-homoromantic. He's just a really lonely guy and never actually got close enough to anyone to realise that he's gay. Is this even possible or logical?

 

I dunno, it just came into my head. Also, this is for writing purposes if you couldn't tell, lol

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The demi thing is possible (it's why demis can often think they're ace/aro at first), but I don't think hetero/homo "shifts" are all that common outside of media.  People usually know who they "prefer" or find attractive even before they've outright entered relationships with anyone.

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This is definitely possible. People who are not straight might think they are for a while because of the heteronormative assumption that we're all straight until proven otherwise. Demiromantic folks wouldn't feel that longing to be romantically connected to another person until they get close enough with someone who ignites it, so that makes sense.

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Janus the Fox

Possible, logical and realistic as well.  It kind of reminds me of ‘secretly gay’ stories where a protagonist is straight and married but longs for some connection with another of the same sex but lives in a society where there’s no possible chance of doing so.  

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I guess its possible to not know where you stand if you don't have people around you. Though you never know what the situation is. Maybe he is hiding from himself.

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7 hours ago, Nylocke said:

Maybe he is hiding from himself.

Well, that does certainly add to his problem, that's for sure.

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maybeimamazed

Uh... humm... you just got me thinking about myself tbh

 

Am I aromantic or am I a demiromantic who just doesn't have close bonds with other people? I mean, I have friends but no one that I hang out with all the time and do everything together.

 

Does the fact that I don't crave a romantic relationship at all push me towards aromantic?

 

For those who are not in the aro spectrum and have been in love: did it happen naturally? Or did you have to put yourself out there in order for it to happen?

 

I'm at a stage of my life where a potential romantic relationship can no longer happen naturally. I'm 28. All my friends and acquaintances are either married or in long term relationships. I'd have to join one of those dating apps and nothing could appeal to me any less.

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4 hours ago, maybeimamazed said:

Uh... humm... you just got me thinking about myself tbh

 

Am I aromantic or am I a demiromantic who just doesn't have close bonds with other people? I mean, I have friends but no one that I hang out with all the time and do everything together.

 

Does the fact that I don't crave a romantic relationship at all push me towards aromantic?

 

For those who are not in the aro spectrum and have been in love: did it happen naturally? Or did you have to put yourself out there in order for it to happen?

 

I'm at a stage of my life where a potential romantic relationship can no longer happen naturally. I'm 28. All my friends and acquaintances are either married or in long term relationships. I'd have to join one of those dating apps and nothing could appeal to me any less.

 

I only have friends online but me finding out I am gray romantic actually came from an online friend who is also asexual gray romantic. I just look at it as its nice to have(romantic relationship) but its not essential to my life. I have only been in 2 "relationships" in my whole life and I just turned 30. The type of people I generally encounter, this is way below average for most people will have had at least 5 by the time they are 25. I have also signed off for dating because while its bad enough in your late 20s its even worse once you hit 30, then no one will want to touch you. The only thing I got going for me is that I do look younger then my age but that only attracts potential pedophiles which is why I ranted for days upon relocating to GA since I was getting attention from dudes old enough to be my dad when back home in NY dudes my own age wouldn't even spit on me back then.

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  • 1 month later...

I really have no idea how my grey-romanticism works. I just know I'm probably demi-romantic because of the fact my crushes are formed because of an emotional bond and I am immediately turned off by anything outside that. Now locating the amount of time that it takes is tough because to me it should take like y e a r s. When in fact for me it probably takes about a good year of friendship (probably a little longer than that, maybe) and then the romance slowly starts to build up. At the same time, it only happened to me once and I absolutely hated it (I'm romance repulsed to real people). I really don't know when it started to how to measure my friendship outside of it all. I also don't want to dig up those memories as well. I did actually know the guy for several years though. He had a massive crush on me for years. Human feelings suck. What I do know is that I would throw up at the thought of having more than 1-2 crushes/love interests in real life (actually i throw up at the thought of having any). Because how can that occur?? fUck MAn. So maybe I classify as grey-romantic or maybe I don't. I just know I need to establish more stable friendships and stop being an isolatory bitch. 

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