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My ace friendo needs help


xToasty

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So pretty much, my friend is having trouble understanding their romantic orientation, and I just wanna try to bounce ideas off you smart people to help us figure her out. So, both me and her are ace childs, and we have both been regarding ourselves as aromantic, but she is starting to have confusion. She was telling me that when she sees someone and thinks, 'Oh they're cute', in an asthetic way, her brain decides to have fantasies of being in romantic relationships with that person. Generally she thinks, 'brain stop it thats nasty', but other times she thinks, 'it WOULD be kinda nice to hold hands with that person etc.', but she wouldn't really want it that much in real-life.

 

Anyone got any idea what this could be about? We are both stuck on what could be going on, and I really wanna help her get out of confusion. 

 

PS. I was chatting to her some more, and she was saying that it's almost just the idea of having a close emotional bond with someone, close enough to hold hands and be open with and stuff. I completely understand her in that sense, and I don't think that's romantic attraction, but in that case, does anyone know a term for this?

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Labels are sometimes of limited usefulness, and I would suspect that if your friend is having a hard time finding a label that fits, that maybe she'd be better off just looking at "What do I feel?" "What do I want?", as opposed to trying to search the internet for a "what is this called?".

 

Feelings are confusing, but they often don't get LESS confusing by trying to fit labels onto them.

 

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Yeah, thats what I was telling her. Don't beat yourself up over labels, just live how you want. I gave up on finding gender labels for myself a while back lol. But sometimes it is nice to feel like 'i have a label which therefore makes me more validated' (dunno why that is but oh well) and sometimes just 'my feelings can be easily expressed through one word'. 

I generally don't get too hung up on labels anymore, but some people feel very strongly about labels to define themselves.

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abandoned-account

I think it could be considered romantic, though it would depend on what that word means to you since it does not have a very clear definition and means different things to different people. 
I do agree on the previous post about labels though. Everyone is so different it’s not always easy to put them in neat little categories.

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