Possibly aro/ace person on Queer Eye?

[katr15ina]

Has anyone been watching Queer Eye's Japan mini-series on Netflix? I love that show! In the fourth/final episode though, it seemed to me like the Fab 5 were pushing sexuality and romanticism on someone who might be on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrums.

 

Obviously I don't know this person at all, and what they show is highly edited. I'm also not very familiar with Japanese culture and how it might play a role in identity and expression. But in the episode, Makoto, the person getting the makeover, says that he doesn't really understand what love is, and that he's been thinking of his wife like a sibling. After they finish the makeover, Makoto is finally wearing the bold colors he wants to wear, has learned how to communicate better, and seems excited to refocus on some of his hobbies. But when asked if he feels sexy now, he still seems pretty apprehensive about the concept. 

 

No one from the Fab 5 brings up the possibility that maybe he's ace/aro. Their take on the situation is that he just lacks confidence. When they make Makoto and his wife have a conversation, she and Makoto both say that they love each other but have avoided talking because they're scared the other person doesn't love them. To me, it seems like that could be due to there being a lot of pressure in this situation to be romantic - who wants to tell their spouse on TV that they don't love them? Or maybe I'm projecting and what they said in that conversation is all true, and they really do love each other romantically and sexually and it's just a matter of Makoto getting back his "mojo." 

 

If Makoto is ace/aro-spec, now that he's started reflecting on what he feels and wants, I hope he'll be able to eventually recognize his lack of sexual or romantic attraction and communicate it. 

 

I don't know how much the Fab 5 knows about asexuality and aromanticism. Possibly very little. I remember when they had the episode with the transgender person, some of them talked about how they're not very familiar with transgender issues. I hope at some point they have an explicitly ace-spec person on the show! 

[Leo Joshua]

Yes, I've had the same thoughts! And as someone on the ace spectrum I could really relate to his not wanting to feel sexy. Its the same for me. I don't feel comfortable with being told that I am sexy and don't work towards that. But I still wanna feel handsome! I, too, really felt like (from what we saw) that Makoto could be on the ace/aro spectrum

[- Saph -]

I agree with you @katr15ina and @Leo Joshua

This episode felt really awkward. The lack of communication in this couple was striking. At least they have addressed the 'communication' part.

The fact that he did not feel romantic or sexy spontaneously does not need to be corrected in priority in my opinion. They may have helped him a bit with his self-confidence but he will need more time, less cameras and his partner's support to be himself.

[Davida]

This episode of QE intrigued me too. As an ace person, I was neither surprised nor offended by the Fab 5's immediate shocked and pitying response to hearing the couple were sexless. (Although I did feel nervous wondering how it would be further addressed.) Indeed, we can't expect all queer people to instinctually understand the perspective and experience of all other queer people so as to take the possibility of asexuality/aromanticism into account as a possibility. 

 

After doing a bit of reading, I learned that apparently there is a cultural phenomenon in present-day Japan of relationship/romance/sex aversion. This is peculiarly widespread in Japan and not necessarily equivalent to asexuality as sexual orientation (although of course that may also be so on an individual basis). 

 

This is a fascinating read:

"Japan's under-40s appear to be losing interest in conventional relationships. Millions aren't even dating, and increasing numbers can't be bothered with sex. For their government, celibacy syndrome is part of a looming national catastrophe. Japan already has one of the world's lowest birth rates. Its population..., which has been shrinking for the past decade, is projected to plunge further by one third by 2060."

 

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/oct/20/young-people-japan-stopped-having-sex

 

The article mentions a "social kink" in Japan which translates in English to "herbivore man". 

 

This is from the Wikipedia article. 

 

"Surveys of single Japanese men conducted in 2010 found that 61% of men in their 20s and 70% of men in their 30s considered themselves to be herbivores. ...[H]erbivore men are not (necessarily) without romantic relationships, but have a non-assertive, indifferent attitude toward desires of flesh."

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbivore_men