Seeing others wearing symbols of aceness...what to do (if anything)?

[hulahoop92]

Hey everyone,

 

I work for a large organisation and I was on a training course (ironically on assertiveness), and toward the end of the day I noticed someone with a black ring on their middle finger, right hand!

 

I really wanted to say something/or you know, give a knowing nod in solidarity, but as being on such training posits, I wasn't confident enough and I will probably never see them again

 

I just wanted to know how you would approach another Ace person, what you may say and if you feel it necessary or not. If you wear an Ace ring would you like to be approached? 

 

I was going to say something along the lines of cake but there was never a moment they were alone during the breaks and didn't want to make them uncomfortable.

 

I wear a brACElet and know only other Aces will know what it means. It's made me question why I wear it if I'm not able to talk to others with their own symbols 🤔 I've never really considered that someone may strike up a conversation about it I guess.

 

Thanks for any responses, it would be great to hear comments and suggestions. 

 

[brbdogsonfire]

Ive asked 2 people wearing black rings on their middle finger if they were ace and we're told no both times. Made for interesting conversation afterwards though so not like it caused harm

[Tunhope]

I think the ring is an awkward one in so far it's a fairly ubiquitous piece of jewellery. You might have to prepare yourself for an interesting/ explanatory conversation. If someone were wearing something less broadly used, though, e.g. a black, grey and purple beaded bracelet, then I probably would say something. I say probably because I think that some aces would wear an ace- related symbol in order to open a conversation, but others would wear one more to confirm their own sense of identity. I did once ask someone using a rainbow coloured ukelele strap if it was a statement of any sort. There was a bit of puzzlement. Answer was no. 

[Rynn]

Maybe you could wear one yourself, and then when you see someone wear it, be like 'Hey, I like your ring, look at mine haha', and then see how they react.

 

I wear an ace ring. A friend asked me if I was ace once. It was a cool conversation

 

I do want to be approached and find other aces. That's one of the reasons I wear it

But yeah, definitely only directly ask them when they're alone. I wouldn't like broadcasting my asexuality to everyone in the room. The ace ring is a stealthy symbol. Only those who know about asexuality know what it means. 

 

I once sat next to someone in class who had a bunch of queer flags on their backpack, one of which was the ace flag, and I said "I like your flag" and flashed my ring, and they were like "Oh my God, can I get a high five for that?" And now they're a good friend of mine.

[Memento1]

Of course it's not necessary to say something, but you say you want to.  You could say something innocuous like "Nice ring!  Does it represent something?"  It doesn't assume anything but it's a good conversation starter either way.

[Eutierria]

I was at a multi-cultural event & got super excited when I noticed one of the hosts wearing a black ring, on the middle finger of their right hand.

 

During a quiet moment, I quietly asked if it was an ace ring (they looked unsure how to answer me which made me feel like I shouldn't have asked). They either felt sorry for me or realised they could open up a little & said yes. It felt like a momentarily connection. I didn't get the impression that they wanted to talk about it & it was something deeply personal to them so I changed subject. 

 

I guess it really depends on the person. 

[Guest]

we need a secret hand signal so we dont have to out anyone or make them uncomfortable.

[Dreamer23]

Definitely make sure you consider how you phrase your question.

Unless you are okay being outed as ace, start it off with a "nice ring" or something like that.

At my company there's definitely also a bunch of people wearing black rings on the middle finger of their right hand, and none of them are ace.

[E Wildflower]

I’ve mainly met other aces in LGBTQ+ spaces (to be frank, that’s where I mainly meet people in general), so in that context, my usual approach is: “I like your ring... if you don’t mind me asking, is it an ace ring?”

I don’t know if being that forward would be appropriate in all situations, though.

[Ringmaster04]

On 11/12/2019 at 1:03 PM, hulahoop92 said:

I just wanted to know how you would approach another Ace person, what you may say and if you feel it necessary or not. If you wear an Ace ring would you like to be approached? 

I do wear an Ace ring and yes, I would like to be asked. I wear the Ace ring everywhere and I wear pride bracelets (Gay and Ace - which from a color perspective look great together) to social events (i.e. not to work or closed group meetings). I wear these things because it is my way of always being "out" and because it gets a lot easier talking about each time I am asked about it. A bartender once asked me "so, if I may ask, are those bracelets for you?" and "what does that one mean?" (pointing to the Ace one). She was super awesome about it and bought me a drink. My old boss asked "so what's that ring mean?" and then when he looked puzzled at "asexual" I just told him to google it, but at least that's two more informed citizens.

 

So yes, people wear symbols of themselves all the time to identify themselves and I don't think it is inappropriate to ask if either you don't know the symbol's meaning or want to show solidarity. Since Ace rings are not as well-known and some people just wear rings for fashion purposes, it is perfectly reasonable just to ask if it is an Ace ring? 

[zzkitty42]

On 11/12/2019 at 10:03 AM, hulahoop92 said:

I just wanted to know how you would approach another Ace person, what you may say and if you feel it necessary or not. If you wear an Ace ring would you like to be approached? 

I wear an ace ring (or did, it broke recently but that's another story), and while it's never happened to me, I would definitely like to be approached if someone knew what it meant! 

On 11/12/2019 at 6:52 PM, Dreamer23 said:

Definitely make sure you consider how you phrase your question.

Unless you are okay being outed as ace, start it off with a "nice ring" or something like that.

I agree with this. While I'm out at school and with my family, it's probably better to assume that the person may not want to be unintentionally outed by your comment. 

[Janus the Fox]

I haven’t seen anything locally with black rings on hands, plenty of gold ones though, that is if I put focus on hands, rarely do hmm

[Carbon-12]

One of my friends wears an assortment of bracelets, and in a lull in conversation I asked if I could see them. One was purple, black, and white, and had the word 'a-c-e' in beads! I was so excited that my first reaction was to give them a high five. 

 

I check the hands of everyone I meet- one of these days, man. The game plan is the say, "Nice ring!" and go from there.

 

There's probably a lot of people like me, though, who are ace but don't wear an identifier. Wonder how many of them I've met and missed.