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Eve_e

Can someone explain what this is?

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Eve_e

Uh - hi. I'm new to all this so i'm not completely sure if i'm creating a new topic correctly...Ahaha.... Anyways - I've identified as aroace for a few years and I now feel like an asexual gray-romantic lesbian - Is the possible? Anyways - just a few hours ago I saw this:

 

  Orientedaroaceflag It's called Oriented Aroace. I've never heard of this - can someone please explain this to me? I didn't understand when I researched about it for a bit. 

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MichaelTannock

I've moved this thread from "Questions about Asexuality" to "Romantic and Aromantic Orientations".
 
Michael Tannock,
Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator.

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MichaelTannock

An Oriented Aroace experiences a type of attraction that's significant, but not Sexual Attraction or Romantic Attraction.

 

There's Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex).

There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (I still don't know what that is, I'm Aromantic).

There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling.

There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them).

There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone.

And more.

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twetzel59

So I just Googled (well, DuckDuckGo-d) and landed on Fandom Wiki as usual.

 

Without any prior experience in this subtopic, it seems to me that Oriented Aroace people experience attraction to others, but not romantic attraction.

Their attraction may be friendly (platonic attraction, squishes) or alterous (bi-, pan-, poly-, homo-, hetero-, etc).

 

Essentially, the label express a subset of asexual aromantic where there is still a gendered component to other forms of attraction.

 

...this actually sounds like me wow

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Janus DarkFox

It’s a couple of times I’ve seen the flag, I know that ‘Orientated’ along with the aroace suffix is what I know as somebody that has an orientation that does not include romantic or sexual identity.

 

I’d say this means any other attraction identity such as aesthetics, sensuality and so on, these can have an orientation on its own the same ace/hetro/homo/bi/pan etc direction.  A few may want to use these if such a person wishes to go into further detail on their personal identity.

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maybeimamazed

I experience aesthetic attraction pretty strongly, to the point where I've questioned whether or not I'm really ace.

 

So technically I'm biaesthetic aroace. But you know what? To me that's overlabeling. It's just too complicated for people to understand and take seriously, so I'd just rather not.

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Lunala

I'm technically one of these (didn't know much about this until this thread even though I have seen the words "orientated aro ace" and the flag before) but I don't use the label and just stick to aro/ace. (Specifically I experience sensual, aesthetic and platonic attractions to all genders)

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Homer
19 hours ago, twetzel59 said:

Without any prior experience in this subtopic, it seems to me that Oriented Aroace people experience attraction to others, but not romantic attraction.

Their attraction may be friendly (platonic attraction, squishes) or alterous (bi-, pan-, poly-, homo-, hetero-, etc).

So they're... regular people?

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twetzel59
11 hours ago, Homer said:

So they're... regular people?

Haha yeah. It is indeed a microlabel.

 

That said, I think the notable part is that their alterous attraction is still gendered

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Homer
3 minutes ago, twetzel59 said:

That said, I think the notable part is that their alterous attraction is still gendered

Most of my friends happen to be female. Does that mean I'm one of these "oriented" people now?

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twetzel59
23 hours ago, Homer said:

Most of my friends happen to be female. Does that mean I'm one of these "oriented" people now?

Only if you choose to identify that way... :D

 

I don't experience platonic attraction to most of my friends, so I don't use this label. It does sound like me in that I have a gendered approach to friendship, but let's face it - that's just because society is not egalitarian and here in the middle US, many guys think they can get away with being crude in order to be "cool", so I don't like being around them anyway lol

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Homer
2 minutes ago, twetzel59 said:

I don't experience platonic attraction to most of my friends

Serious confusion here: Why are you calling these people "your friends" then? *tries to wrap head around concept*

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twetzel59
Just now, Homer said:

Serious confusion here: Why are you calling these people "your friends" then? *tries to wrap head around concept*

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

For me, what I call platonic attraction, for lack of a better name, is somewhat queerplatonic, i.e. it's alterous and I feel a strong need to give hugs and start to feel jealous/exclusive. These are mostly girls, and very rarely (exactly once in my life) that expanded in scope to romantic attraction.

 

Other friends I just spend time with because of common interests, not an emotional bond per se. These are mostly masc people.

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anxious_mix
On 11/12/2019 at 9:15 AM, Eve_e said:

I now feel like an asexual gray-romantic lesbian

SAME. I actually struggled with the romantic part of my identity for a long time after finding out I am ace, because although I don't have past experiences where I had crushes on girls (or any other early signal of romantic attraction), I still feel very drawn to women in ways that don't feel.. straight. It's less about who I'm friends for me. I don't find the micro labels helpful personally (aesthetic, alterous, sensual, etc), so I just tell people that I don't feel romantic attraction (or at least I don't very often or very strongly) and I definitely don't feel sexual attraction, but I still feel attracted to women in other ways. I honestly have no idea how to describe all of those other ways, but they definitely include something like aesthetic attraction and the desire for queerplatonic relationships with women. 

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