The exclusive relationship I would like

[Guest iwanttolearn]

Hello, hope you all are well.

 

for me my ideal life partner relationship would be a completely platonic but still exclusive, lifelong, most important “bro” type friendship with a guy.

 

kinda like Gon and Killua from Hunter x Hunter, lilo and stitch, scooby doo and shaggy.

 

its just difficult because I feel as though friendships are always never exclusive, and friendships are always number 2 and they are never the destination for something important and lifelong.

[Galactic Turtle]

1 hour ago, iwanttolearn said:

its just difficult because I feel as though friendships are always never exclusive

Friendships aren't by nature exclusive, but they are each unique and grow over time. Harry and Ron didn't agree when they met at the train station on the first day of school that they'd be friends forever. It just happened. With Hermione they definitely created a trio that was its own distinct thing. There is definitely a barrier that would've needed to be crossed for someone else to enter that arrangement even if it is a far less formal barrier than for those who are dating. But also just because they're friends with each other doesn't mean they can't be friends with other people too. Each of their friendships is just different.

 

1 hour ago, iwanttolearn said:

friendships are always number 2

I think that all depends on your perspective and preference. I don't see my relationships as rankings, I just see them as being different. My relationship with one friend will be different from my relationship with another. My relationship with my sister is different from my relationship with my father. My friend's relationship with me is different from her relationship with her boyfriend. I don't feel "less than" her boyfriend or "neglected" in any way. I feel completely fulfilled in my relationship with her and it's nice to know she doesn't want to stick her tongue down my throat.

 

1 hour ago, iwanttolearn said:

they are never the destination for something important and lifelong.

Again, perspective. You can profess to someone the intent to be part of their lives until the day you die. And if that is reflected under the law then it will be quite an expensive ordeal to go back on your word. But just because someone is your partner does not mean they'll stick around forever. Any relationship can end for any number of reasons. Any relationship can be important for any number of reasons. Any relationship can turn out to be a lifelong one for any number of reasons. Personally I don't befriend people with the intent to all of a sudden stop speaking to them after a certain number of years. At the same time I don't assign more value to people I talk to daily vs. people I talk to every few weeks or even every few months. I think it's just the natural course of life that some people will play a bigger part in some chapters than in others. Life could happen and I might not even see my friends for a year. Doesn't mean they're all of a sudden not my friends.

 

Honestly, professed exclusive relationships often feel forced to me. You meet someone, go on a few dates, and now you're exclusive - the emotional crutch of another human. Then you get in a few arguments a couple years later. Here comes the abrupt breakup - emotional crutch removed over the course of one conversation. With that type of arrangement it seems like you're only dealing in extremes. Friendships, in my view, flow more naturally as do friendships that then change into romance. There just seems to be a stronger foundation there.

 

Personally I'm not on the market for a partner like one you describe however if I happened to naturally fall into that sort of situation (befriend someone who I also happen to make good roommates with and our lives are both stable enough where living in the same place for a long time makes sense) then sure, I won't reject it. Again, that doesn't mean I won't be friends with other people too, those other people just won't be my roommate. But I'll also say that I put work into the relationships I value. I'm in my late twenties now. Life is crazy for everyone. But the time I take to reach out feels great and the time they take to reach out feels great to me too.

 

A close, long lasting friendship I believe is even more rare than a "successful marriage" and is a great thing to aspire towards. It's so rare, in fact, that I think a lot of people who really haven't had very meaningful friendships might dismiss it as a myth or simply as less of a thing to work towards because they have natural sexual/romantic urges that distract them.

 

[SithLord]

Sounds like a QPR, because friendships aren't exclusive. Rock on. Hope you get it.

[Rynn]

Maybe he means 'exclusive' as in neither person dates anyone else.

[thyristor]

Hmm. Reflexions here... Pregnancy and sexual desease prevention methods and the concept of the community taking care of an individual's needs open up for all kinds of relationships.

 

I wish I had a deep and close friend, a soul mate, who embraces me in every aspect of their life, not because they intentionally and explicitly have to grant it, but just because we feel like two parts of the same entity.

 

But just because one is asexual, doesn't mean they can't have an exclusive partner. You can have a spouse and not have sex with them. If they doesn't feel exclusive to you, they is maybe just a friend among others, sexual or ace alike.